I think I understand what you are feeling. I would find it very difficult if my partner told me that I couldn't touch her or give her oral sex; it puts restrictions on sexual expression.
I think don't think the issue here is her orgasms. It is what you need for your own sexuality. I agree that her orgasms are hers... but your feelings are important too and it sounds like you are not getting what you need from this physical relationship. I would express it this way, it is OK for you to express what you need... rather than taking responsibility for what she needs.
Saying "I need you to have an orgasm" isn't realistic. Saying "I feel restricted, and I need the freedom to touch you, or pleasure you because this is important to me" is fair because you are expressing your desires, rather than taking control of hers
I assume you have been talking to her about this with her. Have you tried marriage counseling?