For many, years, I have been pretending that I am a fictional married couple for my personal happiness. Most of you would absolutely know this famous married couple, although they are based on actual fictional movie characters. I can imitate both the male and female characters really well, down to their mannerisms, body language and even their voices, although I imitate the "wife" best of all (I am female in gender and heterosexual in my sexual orientation). Yes, I can even imitate the male character, even his voice. I think I have them both "down to a 't'” and I'm REALLY good at it. I also masturbate as the couple having sex. I find this whole imaginary "relationship," although not real, satisfying and it gives me happiness. I truly enjoy playing this "couple," cooking dinner as/for the male, sitting in the yard, flirting with each other, etc. It's truly exciting and fun!
I have NEVER TOLD ANYONE about this, including the many counselors and psychiatrists I've had. I'm NOT crazy when I "play pretend"-- I know it's not really real, so I know the difference between reality and fantasy. I suffer from clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder and that's IT.
The reason why I "pretend" is because I am lonely and LONG for physical intimacy and a soulmate, and I have never been able to find my soulmate. I dated a man for 4 years and he never proposed to me, although he always treated me like gold and often told me he loved me. He was too fearful of life and his parents to make a commitment to me, so I ended the relationship. I have friends, although most of them are acquaintances, mainly. None of my friends from church or other places I know have ever called me to see how I am or to make plans with me to do something fun.
People consider me honest, sincere, sweet, kind and very intelligent, but they never want to bother with me for some reason. I am college educated with a BA in English/Liberal Arts. My relationships with people over the years have been unsatisfying with me doing all the giving and them doing all the taking with hardly any reciprocation from them. My relationships have been fraught with rejection and abandonment. I wasn't close with my father, who was an emotionally distant alcoholic, but I was close with my mother. However, her and I fought quite a bit. Otherwise, we got along really well. My brother also has mental illness and he is a sociopath. I recently broke off my relationship with him for the time being.
My mother passed away in December 2014 and my dad in October 2016, and currently I feel that no one gives a s--t about me. I feel all alone in this world. In May I began seeing a counselor again, and she helps me very much. I feel she is the only person who really cares for me right now, but she doesn't know me well enough to be a friend. I mean, you can't go out to lunch with your counselor! Please note that this "pretending" has been going on all along, through good times and bad. I took a break from it for a few years, but just back into it in the last 6 months or so.
Overall, as I said, I am lonely and long a lot lately for male intimacy. I would love to be married someday and have this kind of a relationship, but no one is interested in me right now and frankly, because of many negative experiences, I am afraid to get close to anyone, male or female. To be honest, no one seems interested in having any kind of relationship with me outside of work, church, etc. I'm really very sad. But being this "couple" speaks to me-- but of course, it's no replacement for a REAL relationship, especially of the male kind. I last had sex with a man (and ONLY with a man, thankyouverymuch)) about 8-10 years ago. I did not have a relationship with this man.
So what do you all think of my "playing pretend" like I do? Is it normal/unhealthy? If this is a mental/behavioral condition, is there a name for it? Am I wrong in finding happiness in playing "pretend?" Sorry this topic has been so long, but I felt I had to tell someone and I'm dying to know if I'm nuts or not. Thoughts/comments/concerns/encouragements?
You've got an English degree and a healthy imagination. Why not try your hand at writing?
It doesn't have to be shown to anyone, or perfect grammar, etc. But if you do want to post it online, Wattpad (in the interests of full disclosure, I am an Ambassador on Wattpad - similar to moderator status - but do not own a stake in the company) has reams and reams of real person fanfiction. Just Google Harry Styles Wattpad and you'll get over 13 million hits for that kind of real person fan fic alone.
Thank you so much, Jespah, for your kind, compassionate and helpful reply. I have been a writer, on and off (mostly off) since I was a teenager. I have been professionally published and I am hopefully planning to write regularly for a magazine, hopefully, very soon if it goes well. I'm afraid my poor self-discipline, lack of motivation and procrastination has gotten in the way most of the time. I am terrible with deadlines, too. But still, I LOVE to write, mainly a certain Character's fan fiction and non-fiction. I also write essays and poetry. I am trying very hard to get back into journaling for my emotional and mental health, but so far this has not worked out for the reasons I stated above. Please keep encouraging me in this. What do you think of my "pretending?" Is this normal? I feel that as long as I know fantasy from reality I'm okay, but I am so sad that I don't have "the real thing." I would love to be in a romantic relationship with a man.
Do you participate in NaNoWriMo? I've been doing it since '13 and it helps give a social component to the rather solitary pursuit that writing is.
Wed 11 Jul, 2018 07:41 pm
Ther’s nothing “wrong” with your pretend world. ( I have a friend who fantazizes about the people she sees in the gym while she’s on the treadmill. She makes up their life story and it helps pass the time)
It’s just that it must take up so much time, time that could be spent interacting with real people.
You sound like you are getting bored with your pretend couple. That’s a good sign.
“maladaptive daydreaming” is a term I have seen used to describe people who spend their life living in fantasies , obsessively.
Punky, perhaps you didn't read my original post clearly enough. Here's direct quote: "but no one is interested in me right now and frankly, because of many negative experiences, I am afraid to get close to anyone, male or female. To be honest, no one seems interested in having any kind of relationship with me outside of work, church, etc. " NO ONE is interested in me. NO ONE cares about me. Thus, my "pretend relationship." And I DO take "time off" during the week from this "relationship." I dare NOT become so entangled in it that I fear "losing" myself. This will NOT happen. Do you understand me now?
Um, what do you mean by "couples?" Are you suggesting that we somehow get together IRL (in real life)? I'm not interested in any relationships right now. I feel I'm too mentally and emotionally "messed up" to be any relationships at this time. Still, I'm flattered. Sheesh, you don't even know what I look like! I'll gladly talk here, though.
If you are in a healthy environment playing 'pretend' on healthy issues, maybe it is not normal. If you are in a non healthy environment playing 'pretend' on healthy issues, maybe it's a coping mechanism you have learned to continue until you can move into a healthier environment.
if you didn't play 'pretend' what might you do instead of those 'playing pretends'? Would you drive yourself into your home walls and throw yourself down on the floor? Would you do any form of 'self harm'? Then 'playing pretend' could be a coping mechanism so you don't do those things.
Because the reality is not that you are not coping as well as your other neighbors to those 'things' which might be non healthy. The reality might be that they are over drugged or something to even notice those unhealthy things. And if those unhealthy things continue and you are being effected and not desiring to be 'sedated' through it all, then you are doing what you need until you can get into a better environment for you and your possible future.
What kind of life is one of sedation amidst unhealthy 'things'? It would just be like a living zombie. But if you are in a healthy place living as a zombie or even a 'play pretend', that would be more 'strange' than norm.
For many, years, I have been pretending that I am a fictional married couple for my personal happiness. Most of you would absolutely know this famous married couple, although they are based on actual fictional movie characters.
Does this mean that this 'couple' is a real 'couple' based off a fictional movie?
Are you 'imitating' real persons or are you imitating 'fictional' persons?
What about this 'couple' made you choose them to 'play pretend' with? Why not a 'couple' of your own creating?
Do you have a certain kind of 'crush' on the male in this 'couple' relationship? And to have them, the couple, in your mind, is almost the same as having 'him' as a husband?
When teenagers have posters of their favorite 'hottie' on their bedroom wall(s), do you think they go through similar things?
It is 'fantasizing', I would think. Reality? no. Fantasy, yes.. Fantasizing about a 'couple'? But to the extent of cooking and flirting and maybe having 'conversations' with someone who is not there?
After you finish cooking, what do you do with the 'food' that you made for him? After the 'meal' is over, what do you do with the plate?
So try and remember when this began and why you chose to begin it. Maybe that could help you see if it was something that was done out of desire or if it was done out of some kind of coping mechanism. Or even yet, something that was done as a passing jest but not realizing what sorts of long term effects it would have. Certain places, societies, etc.. do have certain qualities which promote certain 'mental' reasonings/ outlooks. For example. Being on an Island can give the person 'island reasoning' verses 'mainland reasoning'.
So environment. Healthy? Non healthy? What would you say in regards to your 'play pretend' in comparison to the norm of that place you live and what would you say about the 'health'/'non health' to that environment which might be conducive to those 'play pretend' ways.
or is the environment 'healthy' and 'normal' but you are out of those 'healthy and normal' environmental ways?
Do you believe in ghosts and ghouls and things which The Holy Bible and other Holy texts say 'do not exist'?
So if those ghosts and ghouls do not exist, then why is the environment so unhealthy? Maybe it's just that you are around very unhealthy lifestyles...
Maybe those individuals are living in unhealthy ways which is causing the environment to be unhealthy.
It might not be, so much, the private matters of ones private life, more than it could be the public matters of the person's life. What a person does in private oftentimes can't promote unhealthy things in the environment, although in most cases it does, but the outward occurrences of the 'unhealthy', regardless of from where they learned them, is what causes many to need to 'reason' as they in order to try to survive in their 'norm' way of living.
An example of a private matter could be: Reading in foreign languages but not having anyone of that foreign language to speak with out in public or in Society.
It might be 'strange' for a person to read in a language they cannot have any dialogue with but reading a book or any other thing in a foreign language, in private, can't really have unhealthy results in public. And why would a person read a book or any other thing in a place where the language of that book is unspoken at all? Maybe it is a coping mechanism to be able to 'survive' in that environment.
The strange thing is how the majority of the residents to such places might not find excessive noise or excessive idleness anything to be concerned about as being 'unhealthy'.
And then the 'illogic' which never gets any 'reasonable' answer is just as strange which is compounded upon the first.
i can understand if the place was a small community which never got any recognition or any kind of outside assistance, but for a community which boasts of certain things to the World, it is more strange than logical or reasonable for them to not find such 'unhealthy' things as unhealthy.
It isn't so much the quality of life more so than the quantities, of monies, it takes to 'live' in such places and to which they find certain things as okay although unhealthy. This is the strange part.
How do persons who posses those sorts of monies find such unhealthy things acceptable or okay in order to keep their place continuing in the 'acknowledgements' it is or has received?
It took some effort and work to get the place to the 'standing' it got to. How can the things which can bring it down NOT be seen as a danger to that place and/or the works it took to make it established as such?
Let's take basic road paving for an example. It takes work and supplies and man power to pave roads and keep them maintained. So how would any person living in those places not find those things which would destroy those paved roads as detrimental to that Society and their future well being?
It has nothing to do with the local criminals. It has nothing to do with the local 'partiers'. It has to do with the collective 'whole' of that place. How can the collective whole, with tax payers and all, NOT find such unhealthy things as unhealthy?
Why would tax paying residents NOT find trespassers or violators to their community as something 'unhealthy'? Or why would any resident NOT find drivers breaking road rules and signs as NOT healthy?
The collective whole, both criminals and tax payers agreeing upon healthy and non healthy concerns and issues? I would hardly believe.
Crime can range from misdemeanor to felony and beyond.
But the collective whole being as if they need to have a society 'pleasing' to these persons also? How is that possible?
What is 'Law' for if not kept and protected and defended and enforced? Why even have 'it'?
There can't be any crime or any criminals if there is no 'law'. But for those citizens/residents that want to be elsewhere where there is 'law', they should be able to relocate to such places.
Law, then, is very important and crucial to a person's and persons' well being, now and in the future.
If the 'law' of a certain tree which is to bear fruit of its own kind was went against contrarily and was attempted to bear fruit of another tree, both the land the tree is on and the tree itself will become as ashes.
But if the landowner assisted in replanting the 'tree' or resodding the soil, that once corruption to the law of that certain tree could be remedied and could be placed in proper ways so that the tree and trees could bear proper fruit.
Let's take a look at Hawaii and its Unification as a Monarch.
Do you think that the Ali'i's, the individual rules, of those separate islands 'wanted' their islands taken away from them?
Do you think that the rightful heir to the Rule-ship of Hawai'i wanted his title stripped from him through being murdered by his own adopted brother?
Do you think that the rightful heir under the first King wanted his right to be stripped from him by his 'consort' mother?
In some ways Kaʻahumanu was ahead of her time and championed the rights of native Hawaiian women, although this was to her own advantage. In what became known as the 'Ai Noa (free eating), Kaʻahumanu conspired with Keōpūolani, another of her late husband's wives who was also a Queen Regent during the reign of Kamehameha II, to eat at the same table with the young king, breaking a major kapu which should have resulted in her death, and changing the rules of Hawaiian society when her son refused to kill her.
In 1827, after Kaʻahumanu returned from a tour of the windward islands, her health steadily declined. During her illness missionaries printed the first copy, bound in red leather with her name engraved in gold letters, of the New Testament in the Hawaiian language. She kept it with her until her death of intestinal illness, June 5, 1832 in the Mānoa Valley near Honolulu.
Died June 5, 1832 (aged 65)
Kamehameha II (hānai)
David Kamehameha (hānai)
Theresa Owana Kaheiheimālie Rives (hānai)
Virginia Kahoa Kaʻahumanu Rives (hānai)
Her siblings include Governor John Adams Kuakini of Hawaii island, Queen Kalākua Kaheiheimālie, and Governor George Keʻeaumoku II of Maui
I can truly agree and not be ashamed to say and admit that not all members of even my very own heritage and past culture were 100 percent 'saintly' in all their ways. Although I'm not of Hawaiian Polynesian heritage. I speak of my own race.
I have heard tales, whether true or not, how certain persons within my race were cannibals, were rapists and murderers, were deviants and drunks and outcasts. Were ignoble in many ways. Were house breakers, were family trouble makers, were poor and filthy, were needing desperate helps. I have heard all this. But I'm not ashamed to admit it. In fact I'm glad that they have gotten past all of those things.
So don't worry too much about what others might think. Move on with your own life, if you still can. But of course, into the 'better', 'healthier' parts of life and living, right?
You are only given 80 or so years of life in this world. Some less, some more. But not by too many. So live and enjoy and share the goodness which you will not be ashamed of when your life is reviewed.
If you are 'free' why seek to be enslaved? If you are enslaved, why not seek to become 'free'?
What is an enslavement in today's World?
The idea that the proper name of the God of Israel is/was Jehovah or even YHWH. This is a false thought, idea and notion.
Galatians 2:4 "... If thou, being a Jew, livest after the manner of Gentiles, and not as do the Jews, why compellest thou the Gentiles to live as do the Jews?"
John 3:10 "(J)esus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?"
James 3:1 "My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation."
Acts 2:36 "Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that God hath made that same Jesus, whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ."
There was never a man in Y'srael during those days named (J)esus.