Misreading the Signs?

Reply Wed 29 Nov, 2017 07:08 pm
I’ve got a bit of a complicated situation/rant, but it’s intriguing, so bear with me Smile So there’s this guy who just moved to my school from South America(we’re both seniors in high school). He’s super cute, super smart, funny, and confident. I had a big crush on him the first week...and then I found out he was gay. I totally got over my crush and we became friends. There’s this other girl who is both of our friends. We kind of had this weird trio friendship thing going on...until one day she told me that he had told her he might be bisexual. According to her, his exact words were: “Okay, so I’m not straight, but I’m not gay either.”

All of a sudden, she’s gotten weird and possessive toward him, almost like she wants to keep him away from me or something. She’s ALWAYS around him, follows him everywhere, makes plans for the two of them without including me, and says things like: “When he stops being sexually confused and he comes out as bi, he and I will probably date. I feel like we’ll be lifelong best friends, and in a few years he’ll ask me out” or “Oh my gosh he’s like literally obsessed with me” and she basically goes out of her way to assert herself that he’s “picked” her, not me, so I should back off. She’s super fake towards me now and clearly doesn’t like me or doesn’t like it when I'm with him. I started to back away from our weird friend group because he seemed just as obsessed with her as she was with him.

Now that I started backing away and hanging out with them less, he finds time/prefers for us to be alone together, and he gives me his full attention. He’s turned completely facing me, giving me full eye contact. He leans forward when I’m talking, and asks follow up questions about my life and what I think about things. He holds open the door for me, laughs at all of my jokes even though their stupid, trips over his words around me (which he NEVER does anytime else because he’s one of the most confident and mature guys I’ve ever met at my age), finds excuses to hug/make physical contact with me, and remembers random details about me (for example, I dropped a penny and I was like: “wait, don’t pick it up if it’s on tails, turn it over to heads so that someone else picks it up and gets good luck!’’ And now any time he sees a penny he only picks it up if it’s on heads and gives me a smile and says “looks like we have good luck!”) He blushes a lot around me. He whispers in my ear a lot too, and he seems to get nervous when I touch him on the arm or get closer to him without thinking about it (I’m a very touchy feely person, that’s my love language), but he never shies away from my touch. When I’m sad, he acts me what’s wrong, and he rarely checks his phone around me. He also has a nickname for me!

There is definitely a pattern with us forming, although he hasn’t really escalated it that quickly. He’s called me like once, and texted a few times, but it hasn’t gone further than that in terms of having a texting conversation. We also went out to get food by ourselves and hung out for a few hours, and he told me “why don’t we just get married?”

It’s just strange because I thought he was gay, and he hasn’t told me he’s bisexual (he only told the girl I mentioned), so I just don’t know what to think. I feel my feelings coming back for him and I don’t want to get hurt. I'm also not trying to "turn" him straight or anything, but I'm just confused and hope I'm not misreading him trying to be friends with me as something more. I need HELP. Any advice for this Toxic Trio?


Confused Thespian
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Reply Thu 30 Nov, 2017 04:39 pm
Don't believe anything other people say. His sexual preference will be revealed at the right time - by him.

Continue to be a friend and see what happens. Then you will know.

Ask him out so you have a chance to be alone and get to know one another.

Have fun.
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Reply Thu 30 Nov, 2017 06:38 pm
commmediadellarte wrote:
until one day she told me that he had told her he might be bisexual.

1. do not listen to gossip.
2. do not encourage gossip

the next time a friend says that a friend said ... change the subject ... don't allow the gossiping

if your male friend wants to tell you something, he will do it himself.


I think you are right to try to separate yourself from the female in the group.


Continue your friendship with the young man. Be nice and friendly. Don't play games with him. If you like him, invite out to spend time with you - go to a museum on an afternoon, go to a movie, something casual.
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