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Mon 10 Jan, 2005 09:40 am
When my oldest turned two last February, he switched rooms (due to the pending arrival of his baby brother) AND went into his big-boy bed in one night with no problems at all! I was quite impressed, to say the least. He has always been a good sleeper on his own. I was one of those parents who never wanted a co-sleeper for fear that it would never end. On trips home to my parents' home he would occasionally get a "treat" and get to sleep with mommy or daddy. On my trip home this last Thanksgiving, there were too many people staying there for him to get his own bed, so he slept with me for 4 nights. Ever since then, at home, he will not sleep in his own bed. Occasionally we have let him cry it out and it has worked when his is exceptionally tired. I instated the rule of "you have to stay in your bed or the door gets closed," which he hates. We closed the door on him for the first few nights and he fell asleep. However, he has since began the story of "the big guy is coming." I have asked him several questions about the "big guy" - worried that something unmentionable has happened to him at some point. When asked if he looks like anyone we know, he says he doesn't know or he looks like Shrek. He isn't mean, either. He comes from under his bed. Many questions get the response of "I don't know." Most of me believes that he is making this all up to get in our bed. Where would he get such an idea? But if he really, truly is scared - as his persistent crying and yelling from his bed (1 hour +/night!) would indicate - I would feel HORRIBLE to torture him like that ( closing his door so he can't get out ). He used to stay in his bed and cry for us, now he doesn't even care about he rule. He turns on his light and plays with his train and waits for us to notice. ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE APPRECIATED. I am starting a more stringent night routine and daytime routine, hoping this will help???!!!
I'm sure there will be diverse opinions on this. The attachment parenting folks will say to go ahead and let him sleep with you and at the other end there are those who think crying it out will work if you stick with it. I remember my 2nd daughter having a very difficult time getting to sleep around this age. She would be up and down at least 5 times. It was almost as if she had to keep at it until she knew I was getting angry and then she'd go to bed. I don't know if there is one best answer. You know your son best and if you think he's really fearful then you don't want to invalidate his fears either. I used to do the light thing with my d, I'd stand in the dark and ask her to tell me where the monster was. She'd point and I'd flip on the light. I'd turn it off again and ask her where it was now. She'd point and I'd flip on the light again. We'd do the for a while and everytime I'd say, 'See, no monsters'. I think she got to enjoying the light game but at least she'd go to sleep after awhile.
Good luck!
J_B is right you will get a variety. I am kind of in the middle. Don’t like the crying out, but also not the other extreme especially for a child that you know in the past did not have problems sleeping at night. Basically I prefer to go in check on them in 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, etc. until they fall asleep. That way they do not feel abandoned or if they are really frightened you can help them feel safer knowing you are there.
Any time you disrupt a young child’s sleeping pattern this can happen. It has happened to me several times whenever we have taken trips with my children. As far as being scared, the way it was always put was even though what a child is scared is not real, their fear is real. A couple things that have helped me keep the monsters away was an anti-monster spray. Basically any sort of spray bottle will work – I use an old body scent. Either use that or put water in it with some food coloring. Spray it around the room and it will keep monsters away. I also tell my daughter, I will check on her in 5 minutes (granted she really does not understand how long 5 minutes is so some times 5 minutes is really 15). But I will go in give her a little kiss and say good night again and then slowly made the time longer and longer.
You are right about invalidating his fears. . .that is precisely why I cave!
Maybe we will try the light game. . .he likes games.
Thanks!
Buy him a flashlight (and be prepared to provide extra batteries).
Monsters don't like light. If he shines the light on a monster it will vanish.
He's a Big Boy, a Monster Slayer.
Boomerang might have some suggestions for you considering the Winnie issues she has endured. Maybe by confronting his fear he will want to sleep in his own bed. Is it possible a cousin filled his little head (unintentinally perhaps) with this "big guy" image?
All of these are great ideas. . .I will try one at a time, so keep them coming!
Thanks
Try sitting in his room with him while he's going to sleep. Listen to the sounds, look at the patterns on the walls, etc.
I know someone who's kid was terrified of the ghosts in his room... the parents sat with him one night and found that the branches were scraping on the roof.
Sitting with him may be the way to go. Last night we failed miserably. . .We read stories in the bed and told him we'd be back in five minutes to check on him. He didn't even last that long. After and hour or so of this, he ended up in our bed again. I may just have to sit with him as you su
ggested, as I have to do with him for time-outs, since he won't sit through those without getting up or playing around. Did I mention that he can be a little obstinate??? Thanks
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