"Inappropriate" E-mails at Work

So dupre, is there a policy against personal emails in general? Or is it just the "appropriateness" of this one?

I did ask that, that for example we could confirm lunches, just not with any innuendo.

I'm trying to find the number to the Texas State Labor Board, but I have to go back to work now.

I'd really like to know ... I mean, this couldn't fall under harrassment, surely.

I'm not sure about this incident, but that conversation your boss had with you on Saturday was certainly inappropriate.

Here's the website for The Texas Workforce Commission:

http://www.twc.state.tx.us/

Chances are you'd lose this one. It is your company's property and they can call whether a 1 word or 1000 word email is inappropriate because you were doing it on company time and with company equipment. I think this has little to do with content and more to do with the fact that you were using company time and equipment for personal reasons. Just my opinion.

I agree the comments your boss made about being drunk and so forth is definately considered sexual harassment. I am not in Texas, but my company does have offices in Texas. In our co. we are required to take a class on sexual harassment for managers. This is to ensure that we do are aware of things that could be considered harassment and what he said, he could get fired from where I work.

Your email is a little more gray, but yours is in writing so proof. Also, the jist of our harassment class is that anything that affends some one else is considered harassment.

Thanks for your replies. I do wish I had waited to get them before escalating this.

I went to the HR department and got a copy of the employee manual. There's nothing in the guidelines that specifically covers this situation. In fact, nothing even comes close. The HR person suggested I review the manual and talk to my manager again.

He wanted two upper management people there, too.

So, we all talked about it.

The bottom line is ... the email is company property and not private and at any time could possibly be sent to someone with a similar name by accident. I myself often send to the wrong "lisa" with a very close last name in error.

Yep, my manager's conversation was extrememly inappropriate, but, as you say, there's no hard copy.

I can't imagine why he would divulge that kind of information with me, but I doubt he'll do it again!

So, thanks again for all your well thought-out responses!

It's safer to use a web-based email account (Yahoo, Hotmail, whatever) if you're sending personal email from work. I use a proxy for added security, and a Window Washer. My workplace has a fairly lenient policy regarding internet use, so that's a factor to consider-- how important is that email if someone's on the network looking over your shoulder???

dupre, the in-house relationship thing has come up a few times... what is your thinking now about moving on from this job? If you are planning to, go ahead with that, but if you'd like to stick around, I might suggest addressing the relationship issue somehow. Exactly how would be tricky, but a lot of things seem to go back to that.

Does your workplace have any policy against intracompany relationships? If so, DON'T address it, but realize that it's probably the basis of some of the issues -- nobody wants to eb the bad guy but they're muttering "it ain't right" and getting you on technicalities. If that's the case, definitely look for another job.

If there isn't any rule against it, especially if the handbook says specifically that it's OK (as in the sexual harrassment section or something, demarcating what is and isn't OK), then I'd suggest a carefully planned and sensitively executed meeting with some higher-ups where you bring that to their attention (nothing wrong with it!) and try to resolve whatever issues there may be.

Hey, sozobe. Thanks for being here. I was just thinking about you and your previous comments.

I feel so uncomfortable right now. I'm a fairly conservative person. This just somehow doesn't add up to me.

I did look on line for another job, and there are not that many jobs here.

Actually, my boyfriend, after 8 years with the company, was thinking of moving on. But that will take some time. More time than if I move on.

Something's not right. And it has very little to do with this email.

And it has nothing to do with the quality of my work, or his.

The meeting with the higher-ups went pretty well, I think. I explained that I've never had a relationship with someone at work before, that I'd been a non-traditional student, had an intern in an office with one female, and had owned by own small business, so it has been some time since I was in a conventional work environment and that things do change.

What gets me is that my manager said that he was unhappy that I felt the need to go to HR when he thought it was resolved earlier.

The manual clearly states there is an open door policy for any employee concerned about employee matters. Whereas, the manual does not clearly address my "inappropriate" email.

There just seems to be some double standards.

My manager has felt at liberty many times to say things about my relationship with Paul. Things like "I believe there must be a God, because there really IS someone for everyone." Implying that Paul wasn't good enough for a girlfriend.

My manager has made it clear he's being pushed aside by his wife at home.

Frankly, I think he's jealous of Paul. But, not that he particularly wants me. However, he did make a comment about his enormous hands, and what that implied for his other parts to me. And he did ask for a glimpse into me and Paul's relationship one evening, when no one was around. I told him a few things, that our time was filled with candles, massage oil, music. I probably shouldn't have. He shouldn't have asked. I did take that Saturday thing--which, BTW happened after I actually lied, I did! I lied, and said that Paul and I had broken up--I took that as a sort of feeling me out opportunity on his part. I'm no blushing virgin. I think I called it right. And I did not respond the way he wanted me too.

Maybe now he feels like I'll say something about that, that if he doesn't take preemptive action, that it will come back on him.



BTW, I printed out the whole previous thread for him. And it helped, he and the two supervisors read it and they confirmed y'all's conclusions about everything. And they did back off so I could regain my composure and focus on work.

Also, I've added some other areas in my personal life, gardening, piano, so that I don't get to indulge in my obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

Maybe a transfer to another department.

But really, well, I just feel so awkward.

Zane, thanks and welcome to able2know. Your comments are right in line with the higher-ups who said I could use the computer in the break room made available for personal use and from my yahoo account email his.

I did know we were being monitored. I just didn't think what I said was at all inappropriate. Certainly not at all similar to other emails that used to be send out to everyone just months ago.

BTW, at the Christmas party, my manager humorously yelled out, in front of everyone, to one of our other supervisor's husbands, that he wanted his wife.

So ... really, in front of her kids and everything.

That had to be way worse than this private email.

Workplace double standards rear their ugly heads.

Thanks, Zane!

And mac11, thanks ever so much for the Web site. I was on it this morning and they've got the best links that I've seen so far. Asatellite office happens to share our building at work, so I could even go over there during lunch. What could be easier.

I love my job, but frankly, I've loved almost all my jobs. And this one requires too much emotional maintenance.

sozobe has the right of it.

Pardon all the typos in the thread. I tend to not spell well when I'm venting!

Guess who got fired?

Seems that there were others who were equally offended by his frequent sexist remarks.

But the word is, they let him go because he was too arrogant with the clients.

I printed this out and gave it to a manager I trust.

Glad it was dated earlier and that I never mentioned it to a soul at work.

Bet he doesn't get any unemployment benefits.

Great! And thanks for the update.

Hey, dupre! I just read this thread, and I was getting so damn angry about your stupid boss and his a-hole comments! I'm so glad he got fired!

But to be honest, dupre, from what I've seen, more and more companies seem to be getting increasingly uptight about employees using the computers for any personal business or interests.

I just recently got a new job that I love, and I now make a point of not using the computer for anything but business reasons. I never even look up anything on the internet or do any emails unless business related.

This job just means to much to me, and you know, good jobs are just so hard to come by -- especially in this economy.

I figure it's just not worth the hassle to give them anything to complain about!

Good luck to you! Are you still planning on looking for something else?

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I'm glad you are too. Wow! That last job sounds like a scary place! What a bunch of morons. I'm so happy you've found something much better! This must be a trend.

At my last job, (I worked for an advertising company) I really like my co-workers, but it was a small company and our boss tried to squeeze the work of three or four people out of each person. Whenever someone would leave, instead of replacing them, he'd just redistribute their work to everyone else. The only thing that saved me was my co-workers. They were wonderful and we all helped each other out.

But I was getting so stressed out! So were our salespeople and our artists. The artists there did a great job, but they were on the verge on getting totally burned out. Not that our boss cared.

Then he fired one of the salespeople for not producing enough -- then tried to claim they quit so he wouldn't have to pay them unemployment. What a jerk!

About the same time, another one of our salespeople slipped and fell while out on a call, and had to be taken to the hospital. When our boss found out about it, all he could say was, "She was supposed to turn in some copy today." No, "Is she alright? How's she doing?" Nothing!

Then about a week later, this same sales person called me on the phone in tears, coz' our boss just reamed her out about not getting enough work turned in fast enough. (She was one of the top producing sales people in the company!)

I knew I wanted to get outta there! Things were getting too crazy.

I found a job at a big pharmaceuticals company. I'm getting better pay, and a great benefits package. The people are great, very professional, very nice to work with. I now look forward to going to work every day. What a difference.

I'm so glad to hear you've found something where you're happy, dupre! Sounds like they're treating you right! You go girl!