First of all thanks for reading! I am a married 30 year old man, who for the past couple of years has been having homosexual thoughts and feelings towards guys. So much so I chat with a few guys online. These feelings are getting stronger and stronger and I am finding difficult to ignore.. I love my wife very much and don’t want to hurt her, but part of me just wants to perhaps try to see if it a genuine feeling I have, or just something that will pass.. should I scratch the itch and give it ago, but then I am worried about hurting someone I love or them finding out, or do I ignore and miss out?
I know this reads selfishly but I just don’t know what to do! These thoughts and feelings are getting stronger! Help and advice would be very much appreciated
Are there kids involved? If not, are you planning to have any in the foreseeable future? The question you ask isn't an easy one to answer, but it becomes a much more complex one with children in the picture. So, if you have children, then stop thinking about men. You have responsibilities at home, and think carefully about the consequences of you potentially breaking up a marriage with a woman you love. Not to mention the custody hearings and child support and all that jazz. Also think about the impact it will have on your children!
If you are planning to have children, than you need to make up your mind immediately: either talk to her about your feelings, or ignore them. Don't compound the issue by getting pregnant.
If you have no children and aren't planning to have any, you can consider your choices. Mind you, there are far more consequences to changing your sexuality than just your wife, even if she is the most important one: there's also your relatives, your friends and perhaps even your job to consider. Tackling this sort of issue is like throwing a rock in a pond, and the ripple effect will mess with all areas of your life in all likelihood.
If you can't suppress your feelings, my advice would be to man up and talk about this with your wife. If you don't, you'll only become unhappy and your marriage will suffer regardless. But she will be hurt by it, there's no avoiding that! Still, it's the only thing to do if she is a person you love and respect, as you claim: going behind her back would be cheating, and that's just plain wrong.