Is it normal for a guy not to care if his friends flirt with you?

Reply Tue 31 Oct, 2017 07:20 pm
This is a scam. Nobody can be that stupid.
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Reply Tue 31 Oct, 2017 08:07 pm
@Kiersten 0825,
Kiersten 0825 wrote:

We've been dating for a year though. This seems like I'm overreacting. He's a good guy. I think he just wanted to try something different. I promise he doesn't hurt me

So this has been a recent sort of topic in your relation then? Somebody or something must have given him the idea for it then, and gotten him all excited. I've known college guys in my day, heck, I've been one, and as a species, I wouldn't say they are well known for their macchiavelian planning and their willingness to wait for over a year to force/persuade an underage woman into sexual activities she isn't asking for.

It doesn't excuse this behavior though, and certainly not the pressure he's putting on you to comply to his wishes. But you seem unwilling to break your relationship off over this, so I have to assume you had a good time so far and you are convinced he's a decent guy, present circumstances not considering.

I still advise against continuing your relationship with him, but if you want to continue with it nevertheless, make sure to state explicitly, and emphatically, that you are not willing to have sexual intercourse in any shape or form with any of his friends, period, and that this is an absolute deal breaker for you. Then tell him to stop asking about it, and furthermore tell him to make his friends stop casting innuendo your way as well. If he is the decent guy underneath you claim he is, he should accede to your wishes. If he doesn't, you should call it quits, period.
Reply Tue 31 Oct, 2017 08:08 pm
A lot of great advice there najmelliw. I've missed your voice.
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Reply Wed 1 Nov, 2017 03:41 am
Considering you've started two threads about this you know something is not right. What may start out as 'something different,' can easily turn into something that makes you feel hurt, worthless and disgusting and could well impact on any future relationships for the rest of your life.

This website is aimed at parents so they can spot potential abusers, but it covers grooming very well.

A predator might pay special attention to a child and make him or her feel special. They will get to know the child’s likes and dislikes very well. A predator is likely to try to win over the affection of his or her intended victim by sharing these likes. “I got us a box of your favorite candy to share.” or to an older child: “You like that band? That’s my favorite band. I could get us tickets to their next concert.”

• A predator might isolate your child by involving him or her in fun activities that require them to be alone together. Part of the manipulation process is lowering the inhibitions of children. A skilled predator who can get children into a situation where they must change clothing or stay overnight will almost always succeed in victimizing them. An adult who invites your child to sleep over at his or her house alone should raise a red-flag warning to you.

• A predator might touch your child in your presence so that he or she thinks that you are comfortable with the touching. This act might be as simple as draping an arm over the child’s shoulder or asking for a hug to say goodbye. Be aware of your child’s reactions to other adult’s touches. Does your child stiffen or seem uncomfortable? Also, never force your child to show affection to anyone when they aren’t comfortable doing so. This leaves the impression that forced physical contact is okay.

• Keep in mind that the first physical contact between a predator and his or her victim is often nonsexual and designed to desensitize the child. It breaks down inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching. It may begin as an “accidental” bump or rub, an arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair. Teach your children that any physical contact between child and adult is something to be wary of and questioned.

• A predator might take advantage of a child’s natural curiosity about sex by telling “dirty” jokes, showing him or her pornography or by playing sexual games. If your child starts to talk (uncharacteristically) about sex and things related to it, never overlook this kind of development because it might be a sign that he or she is being groomed. Be aware of the physical signs as well. If your toddler is masturbating or trying to touch others inappropriately, this may be a sign that there is a problem.

• A predator may offer to play games or buy treats for young children. To lure older children or teenagers, they may offer to buy drugs or alcohol. After awhile, the predator starts to ask something in return. This “something” may be a sexual act or forcing the child to watch pornographic material. Pornography is often part of the grooming process in order to lower a child’s inhibitions. If your child is old enough to have internet access, make sure you are monitoring his or her email and social networking correspondence. A predator will send explicit materials this way as part of the grooming process.

• A predator might present him or herself as a sympathetic listener when parents, friends and others disappoint a child. Predators often target adolescents who feel isolated from their peers. “Your parents don’t understand you, but I do,” “I can tell you’re lonely. I was the same way at your age,” he or she may say to a child they are trying to lure. Unfortunately, children of single parent homes are frequently preyed upon because they are seen as vulnerable or having a void that needs to be filled. Male predators have been known to seek out single mothers to gain access to their children.

• A predator might eventually treat the child victim as a co-conspirator in their “relationship”. Saying things like, “Your parents would be angry at both of us if they found out what we did.” In order to abuse the child and minimize the fear of discovery, a sexual predator will often times share secrets with the victim. The victim is made to believe that they are being trusted with something of value, before being asked to share something of value with his or her abuser. This bonds the victim to the predator, setting the tone for more sinister secrets to be shared.


Some friends of mine knew a girl who went out with a pimp. He was very generous, took her out for meals, champagne, cocaine, all sorts. Said he loved her, then once she was used to cocaine and champagne, he told her that she needed to pay him back. Last we saw of her she was stood on a street corner in the red light district looking thoroughly miserable.

That could be you.
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