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Wed 6 Sep, 2017 12:12 pm
I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months. We have known each other since childhood. The 6 months have been a fairy tale, she was the perfect one for me and I couldn’t and still cannot imagine anyone better then her. We hit it off perfectly right from the start and she was my dream girl over the 6 months. So, after around 6 months she reveals to me that she is a lifelong inactive carrier of hepatitis b virus, which she contracted from her mother at birth but only found out she has it four years ago. An inactive carrier does not need any medication but only monitoring every year for the rest of their life to make sure the virus is not becoming active.
The problem starts here…she waited 6 months to tell me about this. Over the 6 months I fell head over heels for her and was 100% committed to the point I could see the rest of my life with her. SHE called me her soul mate, wanted us to meet each others parents, planned a weekend trip for the 2 of us and we met very very regularly. If we weren’t meeting we were texting each other a lot…ALL this before she revealed her hep b to me. She ALSO lost her virginity to me and we had sex loads of times. After my research I have found out that a inactive carrier of hepatitis b could also potentially be infectious (however very lowly, even close to 0 chance of transmission but not zero) ;and hence partners should be vaccinated and precautions should be taken but she never bothered to ask if I’m immunised and even had unprotected sex once all this BEFORE informing me about her hep b carrier state.
Now I am starting to wonder if all this was a plan to trap me so that I am blinded by love and don’t ditch when she reveals her hep b. I’m worried that how amazing she was could all be an act? Im worried about why she had sex before informing me!
Firstly, she claimed she didn’t tell me earlier as it is a small issue, then she said she cant go around telling everyone as we live in a small town, then she said she told me after 6 months as now she felt we were ‘that connected’ (she lost her virginity to me in 3 months of the relationship to put this into perspective). When she went abroad for her yearly hep b tests, 2 months into our relationship she informed me that she was going for her parents regular check ups so she hid/lied then. About the sex, she kept claiming that she KNOWS she is NOT infectious but from all my research all precautions should be taken and partners should be informed even if you are an inactive carrier.
Initially she begged me not to leave her then later she blamed me
for making a small thing big and took 0 blame…but 4 weeks later she started apologising and saying she understood where I came from and that maybe we aren’t meant to be as I had told her i cant do this. Her mother and 2 sisters (one of who is currently active) all have hep b and have a professional doctor abroad too so im sure she knows all about the condition and I don’t know if she really thought it was not infectious at all or what she was thinking.
At this point I am going crazy as I loved her endlessly and had given myself to her and I felt that she returned all that love back and gave herself to me and we had a amazing understanding. I cannot even clearly see what has happened and whether it is right or wrong. I’m also afraid if she played a game and gave me sex etc so that I’m fully into her and would never think of leaving her. I don’t know if she was genuine. Also, even if we did not have sex, she still should have told me before calling me her soul mate etc???
What do you people think about this situation and PLEASE tell me what you would do!!
@viviva,
It
is a small thing. When, exactly is she supposed to tell you? On the first date, when you first ask her out, before sex? It isn't the easiest thing to drop into the conversation. If you want to drop her for economic reasons, go ahead and do it. I think you're very wrong to try to blame her for your decision.
@roger,
yes dont you think BEFORE sex?
Why don't you sit down with a Dr. who specializes in this area and find out answers to all your concerns?
Personally, I would think this would come up in conversation with someone as close as you describe you two were before sexual activity. But she did not seem to be concerned and continues to hold that thought. Ask her if she has duscussed her sexual activity with her Dr.
I believe any disease which can be transmitted via sexual contact needs too be brought up before sex. It doesn't matter how minor the other person might view the thing. Hepatitis B could be a bit more dangerous to a person with a compromised liver and various other illnesses or disease which cannot be transmitted.
Is it worth breaking up over? I don't think so. You do need to explain though how it upset you.
@viviva,
viviva wrote: PLEASE tell me what you would do!!
given your reaction, I think the best think for you to do would be to move on.
See a doctor, get any necessary treatment and whatever else you do, do not have unprotected sex with anyone while you are in dating mode.