11 year old boy needs help getting dressed

Talk to the parents. Maybe these kids don't behave the same way at home.

Used to women waiting on them all the time? Indulged? Developmentally delayed? Lazy? Who knows.

Yes. Just ask parents out of curiosity.

Why don't you just ask them to get the water themselves? Next time that they ask say, I 'm sorry - I am busy, why don't you go ahead and help yourself? Or say if they ask for help dressing - say you are so big now, why don't you try it yourself?

It could something as simple as a habit - you always help them or you always go get the water, just break the habit. They may actually want to do some of these things themselves but haven't been in a sense given the go ahead to do so. You can even kick it up and ask them to help you out and get you a glass of water. And then by saying thank you so much you are so helpful. This may encourage them to do other things to help.

I vividly remember my mother saying to me (affectionately) "You are big enough, and ugly enough, to do that by yourself from now on" about something when I was about 7 or 8. I don't think that socks or neckties or whatever are more complex nowadays. I happen to have a bee in my bonnet about excessively prolonged infancy. I don't like it. When I was 11 I was going everywhere by myself (in an inner London district) by bus, subway and train, shopping for the family if needed, going to get my hair cut, ironing my Boy Scout uniform, taking photos and developing the film, and generally taking care of myself in most practical ways. I was expected to speak clearly, to have good manners, to converse politely with aged relatives, to have opinions about things. My father would say things like "Should the government spend money on aircraft carriers?" and expect some kind of reply with reasons. I was expected, in short, to be like a miniature adult, not like a great big baby. I don't think it did me any harm at all.

nope

I know 3 and 4 year olds who dress themselves every day. Not always combos that make sense to me, but they are presentable. They get their own water by using a step stool at the sink. Their knife skills aren't safe/good yet, but I can see it coming soon. They'll be using full cutlery within a year.

Unless the child you're dealing with is disabled in some way (and even then) encourage them to manage things on their own.

Perhaps you are their only source of kindness and attention.

ehBeth,
Appreciate your answer.

My sister-in-law dotes on her boy and my initial thinking was that love conquers all.

Our other relatives are concerned that this boy is overly pampered. However, can it be so bad? It seems abused children turn out badly and so perhaps pampered children may turn out to be the opposite of bad. They will be kind and loving because they were shown this kind of attitude.

My main concern these days is that my nephew will not be able to properly take care of himself when he becomes an adult.

It's not like we wont be able to take care of this child even until adult hood. Financially, my brother will be able to provide even for me if anything should happen.

However, a part of me still thinks we need to raise this boy up to be somewhat self sustaining, as we all were brought up to be. But then I even see my fiance's son raised kind of the same way. They are both good hearted kids so I cant complain. Do I say something to my brother and his wife? Since I dont have children of my own it's hard to know what to do.

Your and their concern is right.

Raising a prince isn't even a favor for the prince

I don't think it works like that.

Pampered children can often turn out 'spoilt' (or 'spoiled'). Pampered little princes or princesses who think the sun shines out of their ass.

I wouldn't want to be the woman who marries young prince.

there's some awesome bullshit right there

i don't see any problem doing it. my boyfriend has a twelve year old son and i often bathe and dress him afterwards

Good grief, woman.

Or, are you a man?

or an adolescent?

A 12 years old seems a little too old to be needing help with getting bathed and dressed. Isnt that 6th grade age?

I recall developing at around 5th grade. Also dont some boys and girls date at that age too?

Of course, is babying somewhat innocuous since emotional development can be so very different for everyone? It does some hard to know.