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Can he really change?

 
 
Reply Wed 21 Jun, 2017 07:46 am
Recently I discovered that my boyfriend of nearly 1 and a half years had been cheating on me with 6 different women. Only one of which he claims to have slept with. We all know the feeling that something isn't right and when I started to have these insecurities, he would always dismiss them saying I'm being silly and that there is nothing to worry about. I found out in April of this year and even nearly 3 months down the line it still hurts as much as the day I found out. We broke up for quite literally one day in January and he begged to have me back saying he made a mistake (might I add I didn't know about any of these girls and so I was baffled when he said we should break up) and so I took him back. Only to discover in April that the day after we got back together he kissed a girl in a club on a night out and then kissed another girl on 4 separate occasions from February to March. Just to know that for the majority of our relationship he was talking to other girls and kissing other girls behind my back. I calculated that for the year and 5 ish months we have been together he didn't do anything for 2 months out of the 17 we have been together. The first girl was an ex girlfriend he kissed at a party, another girl was just sexting from April to September of 2016. Another girl he kissed twice on a night out, the girl he slept with he was seeing everyday and kissing her every day from October to mid November and he promises he only slept with her once but that it didn't last more than 6 minutes as he stopped because he knew it was wrong and the other two girls happened early start of this year. All of this information has been coming out slowly as he has continually lied to me when I've asked him to tell me the truth as at first he said it was 4 girls, he then said he never had sex with this girl and overtime he had just been telling the truth finally until recently he said he had told me everything. Might I also add he ended up getting tinder while he was up at uni and he told his friends that I didn't care what he did at uni and that I didn't want to visit him, which is so awful as I always said to him I wanted to come up and see him and he'd always rebuff me saying that I didn't need to and that he would be home soon. I used to get anonymous messages off of people telling me what he did and whenever I asked him if it was true he always broke down crying saying it was not true and whoever was saying these things was trying to break us up. At this current moment in time we have our good and our bad days and I have been trying to forgive him as I do truly love him, but even so he still sometimes shouts at me from talking about it or shifts the blame to me. He has now been doing more stuff that he never used to do before like suggesting going out on dates, actually taking photos of us together, letting me go through his phone etc. But I just feel so taken for granted and so used like I meant nothing to him. His whole explanation for why he did it is that he felt alone while at uni because I wasn't there as I'm a year younger than him and so I'm not currently at uni. He says he had low self confidence due to previous ex girlfriends telling him he is worthless and a waste of time and so he felt like he could never be happy if girls thought that of him and that he didn't deserve me as I was too good for him. He has a long term illness he recently found out about and even now we aren't sure what it is he has, but ever since he became ill last year he changed. He says he just doesn't know why he did any of it because I'm the one for him and he knows he has ruined us and broken all trust I had in him. He says he wants to change for me and be a boyfriend I can be proud to have. But I just don't know if it is too late for us. Can people like this change? Or is it past the point of no return?
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,323 • Replies: 5
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D45ist
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jun, 2017 09:02 am
@StrongerTogether,
No. and even if he does he will always secretly think you are a doormat because you found out and still stayed with him.

Frankly, you are a doormat if you stay with him.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Jun, 2017 09:30 pm
Get out now before you end up taking care of this guy. What "illness" does he have?
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Jun, 2017 04:24 pm
@StrongerTogether,
For heaven's sake, leave him. It isn't going to get ANY better.
0 Replies
 
WineNot
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2017 08:50 pm
@StrongerTogether,
He's had PLENTY of chances to change and hasn't. It's happened multiple times and it seems like the only thing he is truly sorry about is getting caught. You need to walk away and cut all ties (you can not stay friends with someone like this and move on) I am sorry he's sick but you need to put your emotional well being first and leave him
0 Replies
 
terahical
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Jul, 2017 01:04 pm
@StrongerTogether,
He..blames..you?! The sheer fact that he not only has kissed multiple other girls but he's also slept with one is enough! He can tell you're going to just keep taking him back no matter what that's why he keeps cheating and clearly by blaming you he doesn't feel bad about it. It doesn't matter if he felt "alone" when he was at uni it doesn't give him the right. A real man would have nut up and broke up with you. The fact that he's dragging you along for all this shows he doesn't really care. I know you know that deep down..but ask yourself this, could you spend the rest of your life with this guy knowing that not only is cheating a possibility, but anytime y'all fight, have a rough patch, ect..he's going to feel the need to be with someone else. You don't want to have kids with this guy or get married and find out he hasn't/wont change. I hope things work out for the best, stay strong you are worth it and there will be the right guy..I promise! You just have to decide what you want and how much you value yourself and your time.
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