I am Confused and I have been Abused

Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you.
No child should ever have to go through such agony
and abuse. Let me give you a virtual ((((hug)))))

Do you have any friends you can talk to, or your
teacher, a minister?

Actually your church minister would be the best source
to get some help for you. Please go there and tell
him/her of your ordeal and how your grandmother has
treated you.

If the minister cannot help you him/herself, they sure
must be able to find a therapist for you who will work
you through all your pain and give you new prospects
in life and how to change it.

All my best to you, and please let us know of your
progress.

bm

Child - what are the employment laws in Ohio? Why not go find a part time job (I started working at 14). This would help you get out from under your granmother's thumb and would give you a little extra cash for your own personal use.

...And the opportunity of meeting new people and eventually making new friends that you can talk to.

And how about some extra curricular activities in school? Something fun like theater, painting, sports, etc. That'll keep you preoccupied and away from your bedroom crying a little. I know it's hard, but you should give it a try.

I hope you find a way soon to feel better and keep us posted with your progress.


xoxo

I like the idea of starting something at school. I did track and cross country, and it really gives you a chance to make friends and excersize helps you feel better about yourself.

In the mean time, make some pen pals.

She trys to keep me under her tumb. She acts as if because Ia m 14 I cannot have a life. That really sucks yes. But what can I do about it?

First you need to decide if you want to complain or if you want to change things.

What is it you want to do that she won't let you do?

Another avenue for help, btw, is a school counselor or a teacher you like... or even your principal.
You are only 14... that's pretty young. Are you a freshman in high school?

Littlek has a good idea -- to get a job -- even a little babysitting job or mother's helper, to start. Your grandmother will see that you are valuable to others and that should make her be more respectful of you.

Being raised by your grandmother is a difficult thing, but you can still be a successful person. Who knows, you may eventually see that your grandmother was trying to be a good person (even if, as you say, she has not been too successful at making you happy.) Some other people who were raised by their grandmothers include Eric Clapton, the famous rock-n-roll musician, and Jack Nicholson, the famous actor.

People (even those who would say they loved you as I suspect your grandmother might) can be extremely cruel with their words. She may not realize that it is being abusive or excuse herself because you've gotten into trouble. That is wrong, even words are hurtful and may cause you to feel you are un-loveable or have other psychological difficulties as you act out to make her stop. Try to keep that from happening and know that you deserve to be loved in a kind way.

There are some movies that offer insight into personal relationships and may even, if you watched them with your G.,make her change her ways. Anne of Green Gables is well-acted and heart-warming; it shows Anne as a young girl who grows into an accomplished woman while receiving many insults & strictures from an older woman who "takes her in." I can't imagine that if your grandmother is acting like Marilla in the film, she could watch it with you and not feel ashamed at what she knows she says.

There is another possiblity and it is that your grandma could be having her own psychological breakdown. It is not unheard of and it is for that reason that you need to make other adults aware of your problems.

I see where you are coming from but I do help. I am a 4.0 student. I have been skipped up in school. I will be in the 11th grade starting in Januray. I help my aunt take care of her kids and watch my little cousin which lives with us. So I have proved myself to her. She doesn't let me do anything. Such as go stay the night with my friends or even have my friends stay here. Dating is so far out of the picture I think I'll be married before I can date. So I have proved myself to her, and I want it to change....

A_C--

I know you have no intention of getting pregnant--but your mother probably didn't either and here you are.

Your grandmother is probably afraid of history repeating itself. I'd guess your grandmother is probably my age. You're too young to raise a baby and she's too old.

Your grandmother might say unkind things, but I gather from your post that you have a bedroom of your own and access to a computer. You might not have everything you want, but you aren't homeless and living out of a plastic sack, either.

Swimpy has posed a very basic choice. Do you want to whine about your sad life--or do you want to change your life?

Change is harder--much harder. Change is also much more rewarding.

What is your choice?

Very funny!

What does your aunt say about this? Does your aunt pay you for your help? Really... an outside job is a doorway into the adult world. Without it, you'll always be dependent on your grandma. I also wonder, if your grandmother has seen her unmarried children in the position of being single moms raising their own children (and needing her help), she may be extremely wary about letting you get into a similar predicament.

Fourteen is certainly very young to be in 11th grade. Again, I think you need to be speaking with some adult who knows you. With such a high GPA, I'd think that teachers/counselors/and administration would be very willing to help to the fullest extent they can.

Going into 11th grade... then you only have another year and a half, is that right? Can you start going to college early? Running Start is what they call it here -- you'll naturally get a lot more freedom. You can also start to look for scholarships to get yourself out of the situation. You'll be sixteen soon.

It is fun to spend the night with friends and have them come over -- that's also a time when my daughter and her friends used to get wild and sneak out, and sometimes have older boys pick them up in their cars. They'd drink if they could and carouse as much as possible. If your grandmother is worried about that, (and that would be understandable) she's probably trying to protect you.

You say:

Do you think your grandma is worried that you have trouble making good choices and knowing who is really your friend? How long ago was this bad past? When did you last feel that some guy used you?

Now I'm not trying to pressure you to answer these questions on this forum, but if you can see where your grandmother has gained her mistrust, then your current situation might not seem quite so unreasonable.

What about church or religious groups, especially those for your age? School groups and events? Neighborhood get-togethers? Sports clubs?