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Ashcroft Resigns!

 
 
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:09 pm
"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," Ashcroft wrote in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush.

I know I'll sleep better tonight knowing that!
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 868 • Replies: 19
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:11 pm
Re: Ashcroft Resigns!
D'artagnan wrote:
"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," Ashcroft wrote in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush.

I know I'll sleep better tonight knowing that!


horseshit he did not write that...I need a link
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Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:14 pm
Your wish is my command, dude:

http://www.nytimes.com/
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:14 pm
I would not have believed he wrote such crap unless I saw it with my own eyes "Welcome home Mr. Ashcroft we've prepared the Reagan room for you"
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:16 pm
The statue has been under a blanket so long it's balls are sweating.....uncover that thing and let 'em breath.....
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Laeknir Scrat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:17 pm
I think Aschcroft really went: "The morning of November 3rd, the objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved".
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:42 pm
Well, that's a bit of good news. I never could stomach that tight assed SOB!
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 05:45 pm
He's serious??????

All those arrests that turned out to be without enough merit to bring 'em to trial, he means?

He's DONE nothing!!

The gall.

At least he's gone. (Who's going to replace him?)

Powell I'll be less happy about.
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farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 06:14 pm
The really sick thing is that Ashcroft believes himself.
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Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 06:15 pm
It's the "faith-based" thing, farmerman. Reality is not pertinent a lot of the time...
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JanW
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 07:47 pm
The most frightening thing is that he might be this administration's first nominee for any Supreme Court vacancy. Ashcroft did say something to the effect that it is time for him to move on to "other challenges." He didn't say, "Hey, I'm tired, think I'll retire and watch TV and gaze out the window at the birds."
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 07:51 pm
JanW wrote:
The most frightening thing is that he might be this administration's first nominee for any Supreme Court vacancy. Ashcroft did say something to the effect that it is time for him to move on to "other challenges." He didn't say, "Hey, I'm tired, think I'll retire and watch TV and gaze out the window at the birds."


now I need a shot of tequila and a valium......DAMMIT!!!!!
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ebrown p
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 07:56 pm
Oh goody!!!

Does this mean we get to see the bare boobs of Justice again?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1785000/images/_1788845_statue300ap.jpg
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 08:05 pm
well, I think it might mean that the DOJ Good Time Gospel Hour maybe canceled.
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gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 08:15 pm
You ever see those movies where there are all these shadowy demons swirling around and then something good happens and all the demons start spinning in crazy circles, make some high-ptched noises, and then..... poof.... they're gone.

That's the feeling I'm getting right now.
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PDiddie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2004 08:34 pm
In a press conference hastily called in the wake of his resignation letter, John Ashcroft announced that, ever since he diverted Cat Stevens's flight and sent him back to England, he has been followed by a "moonshadow."

"I have long since suspected that Cat Stevens had occult powers," said Ashcroft. "But now I know."

Ashcroft described Stevens -- also known as Yusef Islam -- as satanic. "If you play his records frontwards, they say 'Peace Train,'" said Ashcroft, shuddering.

Ashcroft had been hard pressed to justify his actions. "I am not jealous of Mr. Stevens' musical success," said Ashcroft. "Although I am bitter that Columbia Records passed on 'Let The Eagle Soar.'"

Ashcroft had earlier stated that Stevens was placed on the no-fly list because recent intelligence indicates he likes Hamas.

Contacted for a response, Cat Stevens shook his head. "That's hummus."

link
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JanW
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2004 06:59 pm
PDiddie wrote:
In a press conference hastily called in the wake of his resignation letter, John Ashcroft announced that, ever since he diverted Cat Stevens's flight and sent him back to England, he has been followed by a "moonshadow."


I have never seen this site. It is WONDERFUL! I loved the one you copied, and also the Florida/Ivan one. Hilarious. This is a now a visit-regularly site for me! Thanks!
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Nov, 2004 07:17 am
JanW wrote:
The most frightening thing is that he might be this administration's first nominee for any Supreme Court vacancy.


Please, don't even say that as a joke. The thought of him on the Supreme court sickens me!
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Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Nov, 2004 04:15 pm
Alberto Gonzales, the new appointee, is another piece of work. He can be credited with the benign view of torture as a permissible approach to discipline in our military prisons...
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PDiddie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Nov, 2004 08:29 pm
D'artagnan wrote:
Alberto Gonzales, the new appointee, is another piece of work. He can be credited with the benign view of torture as a permissible approach to discipline in our military prisons...


I'll take "Nutjob Appointees" for $300, Alex.

Alberto "Seedy" Gonzales is an old friend of W's, having served as his in-house attorney back in the good old days when Bush was only destroying Texas. He won an appointment to the Texas Supreme Court based on his slobbering fealty to the House of Bush then, and has been padding his resume' ever since.

He also had a stint as the general counsel to...

...wait for it...

Enron.

One of Bush's most important duties as Texas Governor (besides acting as judge in the Laredo Chili Cook-Off) was signing the death warrants for convicted capital criminals. Gonzales was with him every step of the way, "counseling" Bush during his reign as el jefe of Texas with the greatest number of kills of any governor in modern US history. According to a report by Alan Berlow of the Atlantic Monthly, Gonzales "repeatedly failed to apprise the governor of crucial issues in the cases at hand: ineffective counsel, conflict of interest, mitigating evidence, even actual evidence of innocence."

But Gonzales is perhaps best known (as D'art suggests) as the author of the memorandum that gave the green-light to the prisoner tortures at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo. To wit, Gonzales said the war on terror "in my judgment renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners."

He also called Geneva "quaint".

Gonzales is the man responsible for the phraseology 'enemy combatants', in order to slide around the term 'prisoners of war', which carries the weight of implied human and civil rights codified by the Geneva accords.

But we needn't worry that our next AG is merely a death-penalty zealot, or an ethically corrupt and just plain shitty lawyer, or even an advocate for rejecting inconvenient international agreements like the Geneva Convention -- it would be too simple to portray him as an evil incompetent. He also hates government transparency. For example, Gonzales likes to bury "disturbing" records, such as those pertaining to Dick Cheney's energy task force. "He has been a major advocate of virtually untrammeled presidential prerogatives," said Elliot Mincberg, general counsel for People for the American Way.

Oh, well. We needn't worry. As our good fellow Larry 434 has reminded us a million times -- going all the way back to his days as pragmaticone on Abuzz -- we have a strong system of checks and balances.

Somebody is bound to oppose the nomination, right?
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