Bed Wetting

what about good old depends (adult diapers)?

when she's awake, is she mentally alert? Is she eating properly? Can she leave her apartment by herself? Is she in much pain? Does her apartment smell of stale urine?

I presume her mattress has a waterproof covering?

Mother is very mentally alert. She gets around the apartment with the use of a walker. She does wear Depends. It is not that she is totally incontinent, just that she will not get out of bed to urinate and consequently soaks the bed. She does have a waterproof cover on her bed. Yes, her apartment smells of urine. Please understand that she is totally capable of getting to the bathroom when she needs to. I just do not understand why she is content to wet the bed and herself, rather that get up to use the toilet. I also cannot understand her wanting to spend so much time in bed. She seems to prefer being asleep. Otherwise,herhealth is remarkably good.

Well, maybe she doesn't actually wake up when she needs to pee? I mean, perhaps it's not a concious decision to wet the bed, but that the concept doesn't even come up for review in her brain before she lets loose.

Have you talked to her health care people about anti depressants?

Yes, we have been taken Mother to a geriatric psychiatrist who prescribed an anti-depressant. She takes it when she wants to, and will not follow the doctors orders.

May I term your mother "willful"?

Other possible terms would be "exasperating", "maddening" and "exceedingly trying".

You have my sympathy.

The rule for involuntary commitment of a mental patient is , "Is the person a clear and present danger to herself or others." Do you feel your mother is putting herself in danger--or is she simply a smelly old woman?

Nursing home care runs at least $32,000 a year. Can she afford it?

What are you doing for your own morale? Are you an only child? Has your mother made a Living Will?

Thanks for your support, Noddy. No, I don't think Mother is a danger to herself or anyone else. But you are right on the money about her being willful, etc. My dear departed aunt, Mother's sister, used to say, "I love her but I've never understood her." That about says it all.
I am the eldest of six children, so I am not alone in this. We are all so bemused as to how to help her. She seems to just ignore any unpleasantness and does exactly whatever she wants. Doctors can prescribe and advise, but she by no means always compliant. I know, for instance, that she does not take her medication for incontinence on a regular basis, which is in direct opposition to doctor's instructions.
When I compare Mother to her peers, women she has known all her file who are her age, I am amazed. She is still so pretty that she looks so much younger than they do, but when she starts moving around her age really shows. Her friends are still active enough to drive themselves around, go shopping, out to eat and to movies, but Mother has to totally depend on others to take her places and help her get around, because of her poor muscular condition. This condition is directly related to her refusal to cooperate with physical therapists. Her doctor told her long ago that this would happen if she did not change her sedentary ways, but all the advice was to no avail.
We have talked ourselves blue in the face, but she does not make changes to help herself.

ewhitely--

Can you take some comfort in having a highly individualistic, one-of-a-kind mother? Loveable, but sometimes unlikeable?

Right now, she doesn't want to be "helped". Like every other teen-ager, first or second time around, she's bound and determined To Do Her Own Thing.

Six children? At least one of you must have been spectacular as a Terrible Two--and now it's payback time.

Hang on to your sense of humor, if you can. You'll need it.

Everything you all have said is true. I guess I was hoping that someone could give me some medical terminology that would clarify this situation for me. I keep looking for a reason.

Sorry--aging is just not a logical condition.