Road Block

Reply Sat 11 Mar, 2017 02:48 pm
I'll try to make this quick. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He had quit his job and we moved to another town with his mom (Town B) and I still work in Town A. His mom doesn't know he quit so every day he hides out until she leaves then he will come back. She started charging us 200 for rent.

I have a part time job and I am paying his car insurance, phone bill and monthly credit card payment plus the 200 rent along with 30-60bucks for gas a week. He hasn't had a job for 6 months now. He says he cannot get a job until I have a vehicle so our hours don't conflict.. but there is no way I can pay for a car when I pay all his bills. My parents live in Town C and told me to live with them so I can pay for a car. My boyfriend got a job offer in a Town 3 hours North and wants us to go up there.

This is my Road Block. I love my boyfriend but I need a car and have my own independence. The only way I can do that is by living with my parents. We already know I can't help support him while paying a car.. so he won't be able to stay with his mom. He doesn't have any friends or family that will let him stay with them here locally.

The job up north is an escape for him because the place is providing a home, rent free but the job is currently only during the summer and he doesn't know yet how much he will be getting paid. I don't want to go because of the uncertainty and inconsistency of the whole thing plus we still have to pay his bills with money I've saved up and I still won't have a car.

I'm just unsure of what to do. It seems clear that I should go to my parents and cut ties with my boyfriend but I don't want to leave him but things will be harder for me if I don't. I feel selfish for wanting to help myself but I really want to help him progress and get out of this hole he's in and move forward together.
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Reply Sat 11 Mar, 2017 02:57 pm
Edit: He doesn't want a long distance relationship because it didn't work out for him last time.
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Reply Sat 11 Mar, 2017 03:05 pm
You're not being selfish.

He's been asking you to lie to his mother for months (or at least engage in creative omission/misdirection when it comes to telling her about his lack of work). So of course she charges you for rent; she thinks you can pay that amount. Which, I am sure you realize, is a rather small amount in much of the US (don't know where you are, but a $200/month deal would be pounced on nearly anywhere).

$200/month and lie to his mother, or $0 (I assume)/month and live with your parents and cut ties with the boyfriend.

Oh, and it's his idea for you to earn and save enough to get a car?

He just wants a new car and a rent-free life, all while lulling his mother into a false sense of security about his independence and maturity level.

I think you know the answer to this one already. Nowhere in there have I seen anything about him contributing to anyone's future, and the idea of him getting a job with housing for a few months (to work in a summer camp? A ranger station? Something else?) is only skimming the surface of being responsible.

He's a tall kid, and not much of a partner. Sorry.
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Reply Sat 11 Mar, 2017 03:07 pm
I have a part time job and I am paying his car insurance, phone bill and monthly credit card payment plus 200 rent...

First and foremost, be good to yourself.

This will mean living with your parents for the time being, until the boyfriend gets to a place in his life where he can do his share in contributing to paying expenses. The temporary summer job, is just that- it's temporary, which, would place you back at square one as soon as summer ends.

If it's true love on his part, he will understand and do his best to find some sort of a job, immediately. Otherwise, it's best to bid him farewell.
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Reply Sat 11 Mar, 2017 10:33 pm
Boyfriends are rarely a lasting thing.

If I were you, I would take your parents offer. This will help you in the long run. Your boyfriend's job isn't a career, its uncertain. He needs you more than you need him. He needs to work on himself, you are at a different point in life which could possibly drag you down. Its not worth the risk just to be with him to pass up an opportunity for uncertainty.
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