WHEN IS THE BEST TIME.....

comfort level
My older sister is 11 months older than me. We were excellent friends and playmates growing up. We took swimming lessons together, we rode our bikes together, we had many of the same friends, we went to the same birthday parties for our common friends, we shared clothes, and engaged in many of the same activities. We still love each other immensely as adults. I wish we lived in the same state. I would love to spend more time with her!

Our younger siblings are several years younger than us. So, my older sister and I were their surrogate babysitters. We fed them their bottles, we pushed them on their tricycles, we were mom's helpers. I remember making Barbie Doll clothes for my little sister's dolls. More often than not, I did things FOR my younger brothers and sister instead of doing things with them (although we did engage in lots of games--tag, checkers, cards, etc., to entertain the little ones--lots of fun.) Regardless of the age difference, I love all my brothers and sisters.

What do you think would be better? Do you want your oldest child to be your second child's playmate / companion (close enough in age to engage in similar activities) or do you want him to be mommy's helper and the younger child's protector? Regardless of your choice as to when you have your second child, I'm sure your first child will be an excellent, loving big brother happy to share his life (and his toys) with the little one.

My two oldest siblings are 11 months, 10 days apart. I think that is probably stretching it. I was the third child a year and a half after the second. Now THAT is gounds for insanity in my book. Three children under the age of 4??

My children are 22 months apart, and though one is a boy and the other a girl they have always been best friends. Very loving towards each other without any fighting and fussing that usually goes on between siblings. Not sure if its due to closeness in age or that their personalities just match up, but I'm glad they were close enough to play together.

No idea if it's "Normal" to feel this way after 8 months. Not familiar with any studies on it. I suggest trusting your instincts.

xmom2704- Each mom has her own idea as to how to space the kids. I have one thought. How do you feel about having two children in diapers? If it were me, I would want to wait, at least for a little while, when the first born is not quite so dependent. For me, if I had to make this decision, I would wait to have my second AFTER my first passed the "terrible twos"

Don't forget, they're not in diapers forever - but kids who aren't spaced too far apart can also end up in college at the same time. My brother and I are 3 1/2 years apart but we ended up only 2 years apart when it came time for college. 'Twas not easy for my folks when we were both attending school at the same time.

My kid's almost 4 and I STILL don't have "that feeling" about having another one! So I don't think it's something all moms get, if you have that feeling, pay attention to it.

I have asked and asked and asked (and ASKED) people for their perspectives and input as I struggle with this, and what I have come away with is that it's just too individualized. I've talked to people who had kids close together and thought it was great, people who had kids far apart and thought it was great, people who had kids close together and thought if was awful, people who had kids far apart and thought it was awful... You get the idea!! A lot of people have said that their decision had different implications at different times in the kids' lives. For example, when one was 18 months old and the other was 5 months old, life was he!!. But when one was 4 years old and one was 3 years old, they could really play together and that was in fact easier than having to entertain one 4-yr-old or one 3-yr-old.

I agree with what squinney said about trusting your instincts.

For what it's worth, in response to your question, my own extensive research led me to think that while there are no guarantees, everyone's different, 3 years is a good interval. (One which I've already let pass...)

I had my kids as pairs 20~22 months apart. I thought with my oldest 2 (boys) they would share adventures, be close. They weren't. They are as alike as oil and water, even to this day, and they are 23 & 22 (this Friday) but they finally are friendly to each other, not exactly friends yet, but can stand to hang together for a weekend at long last... Then, with my next 2, I was taking birth control pills and they failed and were 20 months apart (with oldest boy almost 11 when #4 was born) and they weren't especially close, either, and then the younger one died... Then, I wanted another baby, and had one more girl, and then had an oopsie daisy child (a boy) 22 months later... I expected them to not be as close as I had originally hoped, expected to have problems with 2 in diapers, nursing issues since I wanted to nurse #5 as long as she wanted and I was pregnant!!! But I went on to tandem nurse the 2 of them and they are as close as boy/girl twins are today at the ages of 7 & 5. They have different friends now, do a few different things, but also have shared friends and shared activities.

I, personally, would prefer twins or very close in age or else a bit more spread if I were planning things out... Maybe a 5 year spread between, but then you are constantly at home with a baby... But then again, I like baby age...

Well first of all thanks to everyone for their input. The whole diaper thing doesn't other me at all because i watch kids all day everyday and i'm used to it by now, i'ts like second nature for me to change diapers, and with all the other kids that i watch-- Xainie is so sweet he hasn't gotten jealous if i'm holding another baby (i an 8 month old can even eel jealous) he doesn't take toys away. He is a very layed back baby. So i think I am gonna go with my instncts. Just like everyone says. (And when the time for school comes we will just have to cross our fingers and hope they are either geniouses or star athletes so we can get some scholarship $ lol!!!!)
Thanks again!!

xmom