Sexual abuse didn't affect me(?)

Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 09:26 am
So I was sexually abused as a kid between the ages of ..I'd say 7 (or 9) and 12. It wasn't continuous; it used to happen once in a year or two for like, I dont know, 3 days. I dont know if that information even matters but that's how it was. I still think about it sometimes and have so many questions.
My most important question is that it didn't affect me at all(?) or so it seems. As is (I guess) evident from my tone, it never bothered me and still doesn't. The only thing that bothers me is why it (the abuse) doesn't bother me. I haven't really told anybody about it because my mom wasn't interested or anything, and it doesn't feel like I'm repressing my memories or bottling something up. I don't feel embarassed about my sexuality and talking about sex or anything sexual doesn't trigger me. I'm comfortable with talking about sexual abuse (not my own though) and display the average amount of hatred and anger (that any person, whether sexually abused or not would) towards sexual abusers.

Why won't it bother me? I'm happy it doesn't but I'm still interested in knowing about the psychological reasons behind such a situation.
View best answer, chosen by heyidc
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 04:09 pm
I guess it would depend on what kind of "abuse" you are talking about.

I once heard a psychiatrist say that if the interaction between the "abuser" and the "victim" is not painful, shameful, or fearful, then the "victim" sees it differently from "abuse." In fact, it could be a game.

Perhaps that's why you don't feel "bad" about it.

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Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 04:39 pm
Brief story heyidc.

Not about sex, but expectations about how one "should" feel.

I had therapy for about a year, and finally agreed to go on medication, so had to be referred to a phychiatrist. I had to go back maybe 3 or 4 times to monitor how the med was working. During the visit I of course shared what was going on, how I was doing/dealing. She knew I was estranged from my parents.

On one visit, I became tearful as I remembered back to the time when my beloved pet of 21 years had died. We talked a bit more, and suddenly I remembered something.

"Oh My God! I just remembered! My mother died last week."

I was stunned for a bit, then expressed how I felt guilty now that I didn't even think about it, and felt "bad" for not feeling sad/bad.

She asked my why I felt that way.

I struggled for a moment to think of why, and said "Well.....People say you're supposed to feel sad....."

All she replied was...."Yes. People do say that, don't they?"

  Selected Answer
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 04:45 pm

Re Sexuality, and on the same idea of how you're "supposed" to feel.

I'm a 58 year old woman. In my past I had things happen that I think if it was today, I'd be made to feel like I had to go through therapy, and all kinds of emotional work, and whatever else is in vogue today.

I never fell for that line of thought that something is all supposed to affect us in the same way. I know what happened. I know why it happened. It didn't upset me then. It doesn't upset me know.

It's called resilience.

Sounds like you have that quality.

Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 05:26 pm
A couple of good posts there, chai. No, we're not all the same, and even if we feel like we are "supposed" to feel, we don't all show it the same way, either.
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Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 11:56 pm
Thank you all. The answers really helped.
@Chai2, thank you so much. I feel peaceful at heart.
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Reply Fri 3 Feb, 2017 06:43 am
In some time of life many of us - males and females have been abused mental, physically and verbal in their lives or not. Being a child you don't have the powers or know what is right or wrong. If we don't learn these from our parents? Who is going to teach us. There is a difference from saying "I love you "as from as from acting upon mental, physically and verbal abuse. It's not the child's fault that he or she has to go through thing kinds of "evil" experiences and memories. Just remember the experiences make those victims (males and female) doesn't matter what race or religion they come from. Will empower them to protect their children from mental, physically and verbal. In time those who have been abused in their lives will hopefully to protect their children and other children from the abuses. Because the only ones the children will blame when their older will blame their parents/guardians. It is up to all of us to protect all children, they are the future.
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