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Does this count as sexual assault?

 
 
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 04:19 am
This is really uncomfortable to talk about, but I just need to know what other people think.

I don't want to go into more detail than I need to, but...a few years ago, while I was in the shower, my dad opened the curtain and said some kind of joke (I don't even remember what it was).

It really upset me and made me feel very uncomfortable around him. I still do, but we just generally have a terrible relationship, so there are other reasons.

When I told my therapist, she said that that behavior was not okay in any way, shape, or form. I think she said it was "borderline" sexual assault, but I'm not entirely sure.

What is your opinion?

I don't trust myself to determine it. Partly because I don't want to seem like I'm equating this with the horrible experiences so many others have gone through. I don't want it to seem like I feel like I'm a victim of sexual assault. And a (horrible, insecure) part of me worries that I'm almost hoping I can consider it sexual assault so that I can call myself a victim and get sympathy...ugh, I really hope that's not the case, but I don't trust myself at all.


But whether or not you consider it sexual assault (or abuse, I suppose...I'm not entirely sure what term to use...harassment, maybe?), the really messed-up part of the whole situation is that I GOT IN TROUBLE...for getting mad at my dad...because apparently, I "can't take a joke." He stopped talking to me for a while after that because he was annoyed at me. So what bothers me is that I feel like I never got any closure, because he wouldn't talk to me or apologize.

But anyway...please share your opinion. If you don't think it qualifies as sexual abuse and think I'm overreacting, please feel free to say so. I just can't decide for myself.

Thank you.
 
vonny
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 04:29 am
@J-confused,
How old were you at the time?

I don't think your father should have opened the shower curtain - we all deserve privacy, even as children - but I don't see how this could be called a sexual assault, unless you are holding back information. And his joke - was it perhaps to cover his embarrassment at inadvertently opening the shower curtain?

And if it was a few years ago, why are you dwelling on it now? Perhaps your therapist is dredging up old memories in an attempt to help you in some way?
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 06:10 am
I find your response very unreasonable. No one opens a shower curtain by mistake while someone is showering. That was completely unacceptable and unjustifiable behavior no matter what age the person in the shower was.
0 Replies
 
ShadowKnight
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 07:00 am
@J-confused,
No, its not borderline nothing, I mean he has seen you naked since you where a baby, to him it is natural to see you naked, I mean he saw your mother give birth to you nude!

A psychologist will ALWAYS try to find something like that, I remember I used to see a psychiatrist, and the ONLY thing he kept doing was telling me to take with my photo album with baby pictures.

He kept asking me "Who is this woman? Who is this man? Did they touch you when you where little?"

One day I said "no sure my mother and father washed me without touching me when I was a baby ffs!"

As I asked him what the purpose was, he said, well there has to be SOMETHING wrong with you!

Yeah it was, my fist suddenly had a serious tick which made it accidentally land on his face knocking him over... Damn that felt good.

He sees you as the girl/boy infant, and perhaps he was curious to know/see if you have developed well, I mean a father always worries, he is just more subtle about it than mother.

That psychologist of yours, to hell with her and her beliefs! Remember they are trying as hard as they can to find something wrong with us, if they where looking for our good aspects, that would be something completely different...

Take my advice, and I give you my personal guarantee that you will get a lot better.

Ps: Now if he likes to grab your genitalia and tries to reach a hold of your whatevers now and then, then its not even close to borderline, then its "call the cops on him and get it over with!"

Unless the Ps is right, then ffs, get that **** out of your head, I have met lots of sick people, but a psychologist alone beats them all...

I mean, how good are the ones that follow the teachings of a man named Sickman Fraud? The father of psychoanalysis (a practice deemed ancient and worthless aeons ago), whose ideas lead to lobotomy, a man that thought all mens problems where that they wanted to bang their mothers, and all womens problems where based on penis envy? Did I mention he was a coke addict?

There you go, the father of modern psychology... , but dont take my word for granted, search up Sigmund Freud on wikipedia (or whatever site you trust), and find out why Sickman Fraud is a far more fitting name...

Yes penis envy, bang mothers, he promoted cocaine as a cure for all... I wish I was lying, but seriously, look it up, and remember that your psychologist is merely the spawn of this sick man of a freud.

Sigh... how they **** people up... Good luck friend, I wish you the best, may I be right, but if your father touches you inappropriately that is another thing, something the cops will take care of.

Borderline sexual assault? The hell! Spawns of a sick bastard... the apple has not even fallen from the tree in this case. WOW!
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 07:14 am
It was inappropriate and very immature and impulsive on his part to do that. But I would say that if it had been your brother, too.

He does not seem to regard other people's boundaries.

How old were you when this happened?

You were not wrong to be angry, but if he respected your boundaries after that, I would write it off as the same thing as if you walked in on him when he was in the bathroom. Something done without thinking.

I say this ONLY if there had not been other incidences. If this was a pattern of his behavior, then that's another story.


vonny
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 07:43 am
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
[if he respected your boundaries after that, I would write it off as the same thing as if you walked in on him when he was in the bathroom. Something done without thinking.


That's what I was trying to say, Punkey. I do think it is quite possible that a busy or absent-minded parent could do such a thing in error - once anyway!
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 08:18 am
@J-confused,
Love women making a great big mountain out of a small ant hill and who keep adding to it over the years.

The question given what she had told us so far is an insult to all the women who are indeed were real victims of sexual assaults by family members including fathers.

Next my guess would be that he might had been thinking the person in the shower was his wife not his daughter. That is just a guess driven by my own loving to annoyed/get a look at my wife showering. Shame on me.............

In any case, it is a damn mountain created out of nothing at all if this was a one time event and my suggestion is that you get another counselor at once before she implant false memories of real abused into your head and ruin your whole family.

Oh to sum up on the question assuming once more this was a one time event the answer to if this was a sexual assault or not my reply is HELL NO
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 09:31 am
@J-confused,
there is no evidence that sex had anything to do with this event so we cant say that it was sexual, and this boundary violation does not come close to rising to the level of assault so that is wrong as well. Your therapist is hyperventilating.

Quote:
So what bothers me is that I feel like I never got any closure, because he wouldn't talk to me or apologize.

he was in the wrong and no matter if he does not think so he needs to know that this is not ok. stand up for yourself, which includes not letting your therapist walk a mile to make you out to be a victim.
0 Replies
 
ShadowKnight
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 11:01 am
@BillRM,
Wow, my comments may be long as ****, but at least they make sense... Whats with the poetry? Just curious... I mean its kinda unfitting here you know...
0 Replies
 
J-confused
 
  4  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 11:08 am
Thank you all for the replies. I'm really, seriously sorry if I upset anyone.

@BillRM: I'm really sorry if it seemed like I was insulting women who have suffered real sexual assault. I swear that wasn't my intention at all; that's what I was specifically trying to avoid when I said I wasn't trying to equate my situation with the horrible experiences others have had to go through.

And I'm a boy, by the way.

I think I was about 14 or 15 at the time. It wasn't an accident, he was kind of laughing at the time. I know he did it on purpose.

He never did it again, but that's because he was annoyed at me for being "too sensitive." He said he felt like he had to walk on eggshells to avoid hurting my feelings, so he'd rather just "leave me alone."

There were other instances where he invaded my privacy, though. He used to barge into my room without asking all the time, and he punched a hole in my brother's bedroom door one time when he was really angry and my brother wouldn't let him in.
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 12:17 pm
@J-confused,
Quote:
And I'm a boy, by the way.


You are a guy and are getting such a reaction to your same sex parent making a one time comment when you are in the shower?

There something very strange going on but I do not think it have anything to do with your father sexually assaulting you with what you have already given.

Most same sex parents would not think anything of doing what you are claiming your father did and have you ever had a gym class in school and taken group showers afterward? If my father had annoy me when I was in a shower it would be a matter of a moment and the idea of that being some form of a sexual assault or that I would need closure due to it would never have enter my mind.

As far as invading your or your brother privacy to too great a degree in your opinion that might be a parenting issue and an anger control issue with the holes in your brother door but once more that have little to nothing to do with sexual assaults unless you are not telling us the whole story.

Sound like some heavy duty family counseling is call for.



0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 02:13 pm
@J-confused,
Your father's behavior may not have included sexual assault but from what little info you've given, it's possible that your father's guilty of at least some kind of emotional abuse or worse.
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 02:36 pm
@J-confused,
Quote:
he punched a hole in my brother's bedroom door one time when he was really angry

Tsarstepan is right - it's possible that your father has been guilty of emotional abuse. It isn't acceptable behaviour for anyone to punch holes in doors, no matter how much they were provoked. But do be careful about accusing him of sexual abuse - walking in on you when you were showering on one single occasion when you were in your early teens doesn't really constitute sexual abuse.

You say it was some years ago, which makes you about nineteen or twenty now? Are you still living at home?
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 03:18 pm
When I was kid my dad went down stairs and turned off the hot water as I was in the shower...he thought it was funny as hell. Some frat boys always act like frat boys. But assault? Not in my books. Abuse possibly.
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 03:53 pm
@hawkeye10,
Flushing toilets and or running water hot or cold when Dad was trying to get a shower was good for a laugh or two.

Not as good however as wetting the spark plug on the lawn mower with a large water gun when he was in the middle of his Sunday mowing.

Off hand I do not remember him ever playing any kind of joke but instead being the target of my mother and myself instead.

The man never got mad for some reason.
0 Replies
 
IRFRANK
 
  2  
Reply Wed 1 May, 2013 10:51 am
Sexual assault no. Invasion of privacy, yes. Lock the door next time. Get over it, move on.
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 2 May, 2013 10:14 am
@J-confused,
You're male?

Are you gay?

It's clearly not sexual assualt, but it sure sounds like a father reacting to what he believes is an overly sensitive son.
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  2  
Reply Fri 3 May, 2013 11:07 am
@J-confused,
There appears to be more going on here than meets the eye. I see some identity confusion in your other topics. I've mentioned this before and its difficult to relate; but when I was 13 or so, I became attracted to another boy. This was in the 50's, so you may imagine my panic over being 'queer'. But I was also attracted to girls - what gives with that? The dysphoria persisted for several years until I figured out such attractions are common. Most importantly, they do not define your sexuality. Continue working with your therapist. See another if need be. But take comfort in knowing you are not alone
0 Replies
 
HesDeltanCaptain
 
  1  
Reply Mon 10 Aug, 2015 09:42 am
@J-confused,
Sexual assault is a legal term so will have strict definitions of how it's applied and defined. Generally though it'll involve physical contact however slight or brief.

If he drew the shower curtain aside it's more likely going to fall under the legal definition of sexual misconduct, than assault. Will depend on state what it is precisely like. Here in Missouri it could be:

"566.083. 1. A person commits the offense of sexual misconduct involving a child if such person:

(3) Knowingly coerces or induces a child less than fifteen years of age to expose the child's genitals for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of any person, including the child; or"



0 Replies
 
 

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