10
   

Was I sexually abused?

 
 
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 03:37 am
While we were in highschool my ex used to coax me into wagging my classes(he was expelled so he didnt come anyway) and wed got to his place..I was always reluctant and slightly scared
Id heard rumor he beat up his ex girlfriend. Anyways...So I wouldet him take me off school property to his house where we would mess around amd make out..

Except a few times I felt sick and I didnt want to but did it because he insisted.. I wanted to just sit down by myself for a while but he made me touch him in private areas..and wouldnt let me pull my hand away.. There was this one time I said I didnt want to do oral..
I ended up physically throwing up...I once told him not to touch me but he wouldmt stop touching me...is this sexual abuse..I just want to knkw so I can stop wondering and move on with my life...Am I overreacting...
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 03:52 am
@shadowz19972014,
You need counseling. Is it abuse? I'd rather a professional weighed in on this, as you might need treatment, and certainly someone unbiased to talk to.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 04:01 am
@shadowz19972014,
Seems off hand the issue of abused or not is secondary to the issue of you not having a back bone when in a relationship.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 04:37 pm
How old are you now? You talk about things that happened in high school.

From what you have described, I'd say YES, you were sexually assaulted.

Counseling will help you deal with this nightmare from the past.
0 Replies
 
BDV
 
  0  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 05:51 pm
Saying you r of legal age i would say it was misadventure rather than abuse,dont knock yourself up over it and move on and enjoy life
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  3  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 06:39 pm
@shadowz19972014,
At this point, how you feel about it is the most important issue. If, as it seems, you feel you need counseling, you should have it.
0 Replies
 
Enaj
 
  2  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 08:12 pm
I'd say that it was abuse. As whether of legal age or not, if what you are being made to do is something that you do not want to do, that is abuse.

In any relationship, neither person in the relationship should be made to do something that he or she feels is wrong or unacceptable. Ever.
My 2 Cents worth.


BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2014 11:05 pm
@Enaj,
Quote:
In any relationship, neither person in the relationship should be made to do something that he or she feels is wrong or unacceptable. Ever.


My my then all couples are constantly abusing each other in any relationship unless you define made as physical force or the threat of physical force.
Enaj
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 May, 2014 08:01 pm
@BillRM,
Maybe you should read the op again?? It sure read like he did not give her a choice. Notice he said "he insisted?" Wouldn't let me pull my hand away?" "he wouldn't stop touching me?"when asked? What does that sound like to you, if not physical force or the threat of physical force. It is abuse.



Here is what she said...

"I didnt want to but did it because he insisted..

he made me touch him in private areas..and wouldnt let me pull my hand away..

I once told him not to touch me but he wouldmt stop touching me."

BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 18 May, 2014 08:29 pm
@Enaj,
Quote:
Wouldn't let me pull my hand away?" "he wouldn't stop touching me?"when asked? What does that sound like to you, if not physical force or the threat of physical force. It is abuse.


She is keeping the relationship going of her own free will at least up to this point and I could insisted all I care to and my wife would at the very very minimal would tell me to go to hell and get up.

Nor do I think that if I would pull that kind of behaviors more then once if I would have a wife.

In any case, I did not get the impression that his insisted was by force or threat of force and as I said in my first posting her problem is no backbone not abused.


0 Replies
 
Enaj
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 May, 2014 01:45 pm
At the very least, he didn't show respect for her......only considered what he wanted...

I still feel that what she described is abuse.
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 19 May, 2014 02:23 pm
@Enaj,
I agree totally that from what she is telling us that her "boyfriend" is not treating her with the proper respect however repeat however she is not demanding that he treat her with respect either.

So I might be wrong but the root problem seems to be in my opinion that she is not demanding from him the proper treatment and if he then does not do so kicking him to the curve.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 May, 2014 02:31 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:
I agree totally that from what she is telling us that her "boyfriend"
is not treating her with the proper respect however repeat however
she is not demanding that he treat her with respect either.

So I might be wrong but the root problem seems to be in my opinion
that she is not demanding from him the proper treatment and if
he then does not do so kicking him to the curve.
To WHICH curve shud she kick him ???
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 May, 2014 02:34 pm
@BillRM,
He's her ex, not her boyfriend.

The relationship is past tense, not current.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 May, 2014 02:35 pm
@shadowz19972014,
shadowz19972014 wrote:

While we were in highschool my ex used to
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 May, 2014 02:35 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
So I might be wrong but the root problem seems to be in my opinion that she is not demanding from him the proper treatment and if he then does not do so kicking him to the curve

In another time a woman might say " the guys would tend too get a little to insistent, so I would beat them over the head with a fry pan, but they were easy enough to handle".

Doesn't work anymore, because we claim to not believe in violence, in spite of what you will see at the movies this summer.
0 Replies
 
Enaj
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 May, 2014 01:02 pm
@BillRM,
Yes, she did say what she wanted..and he didn't respect it.

wouldnt let me pull my hand away..

she resisted and he wouldn't let her resist, he knew he was making her do what she didn't want to do. That is not respecting her wishes.

There was this one time I said I didnt want to do

Here she did say that she didn't want to....did he respect that? No.

...I once told him not to touch me but he wouldmt stop touching me

And again she told him her desire, and he paid no attention to her request and did what he wanted to anyway. That is not a relationship, it is not making love, it is abusive sex. So in answer to her question...."was I sexually abused?" the answer is yes, she was.

She needs to accept that, and get help if she feels she needs it, and move on.

Any sexual action between couples that is not mutual is abuse of one to the other partner.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 May, 2014 01:17 pm
@Enaj,
Quote:
Any sexual action between couples that is not mutual is abuse of one to the other partner.


An what mixed messages is she sending to him by keeping dating the guy?

I agree once more that she should grow a damn backbones and either leave the relationship or demand that he respect her wishes.
Marc Cobain
 
  0  
Reply Tue 20 May, 2014 01:19 pm
@shadowz19972014,
Oh my god, of course sweetheart!! If what you say is true, then absolutly! He had noo right "making", you do ANYTHING you weren't comfortable with, especially if you conveyed a distaste for whatever act it was. I wish I was there to BEAT.... "some sence into him... with words of course" Wink
Well, maybe right after, or at the begining. Point being, you're not a tool, nor his property. He has noo right, steer clear of him!
0 Replies
 
Enaj
 
  0  
Reply Tue 20 May, 2014 09:37 pm
@BillRM,
In her first post she calls him her "ex" or did you not see that?
 

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