Family Isn't happy with my girlfriend.

Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 11:12 pm
So recently my parents and I have gotten into a little bit of a fight over decision making and my girlfriend. They do not approve of my girlfriend but I love her. I have put together a run down of a discussion I will have with them. I would like to know your opinion on whether you think this has the possibility of swaying their opinion, or at least giving them second thoughts. Thank you

1. I believe that you guys have given me the TOOLS for me to make good decisions, and I definitely appreciate the fact that I had that opportunity to gain those tools. But, I do not believe you should be making my decisions for me at this point in my life. (Guidance will always be needed, but I need to find out for myself).
-Sub-note to Point 1---I am at a point in my life where I need to discover myself, and what I believe through my own experiences. I might get knocked down and beaten up as I make these decisions, but I believe that I will gain life knowledge and valuable life information through these experiences. I also believe that I could stumble upon something great that I might not have know about before.

2. I have read and even seen it in my own life, where I see very happy people because of the independent choices they have made. They might have been knocked up along the way, but they enjoyed the freedom of discovering what it was like to discover for themselves. These happy people I know did have guidance, but they did not have predetermined plans foisted upon them.

3. (Minor Note) Of course I love and care what you guys have to say. And I strive to make you guys happy, and I know that’s what you try for me. But once I try to put your happiness above mine, that is where I feel screwed and, well, very unhappy.

4a .I feel as though I am the builder of my own life. You have given me good blueprints for my life, and good guidelines, but blueprints are guides for making something. They are not the definite structure, or precisely how something will be built.

4b. I also feel as though I am the one that has to live with daily the consequences of my own actions. I do not mean this rudely, and I understand that yes, sometimes my actions can impact you, but at the end of the day, I have to live with my decisions, not you.

4c. I am the one who has to deal with what is in my mind when my head hits the pillow. Not you.

5. I appreciate, honor and respect my family origin, and your beliefs. But I am also becoming part of a community, full of people from different walks of life. I would like to discover my walk of life.

6. (Minor note).I understand and appreciate that you are looking out for me. I appreciate where you are coming from, and I bet if I was in your shoes I would feel the same. But I hope I could look back at my childhood and remember what it was like to want to start making my own decisions.

7. I also believe that in my life, I cannot consistently be seeking my parents approval if I ever truly want to grow up. It adds a great deal of pressure to my life, and I can never truly grow up if I do not start thinking for myself.

In regards to Lauren, and dating, and possibly future girls I see myself falling for.
1. I think that there are many positive attributes in her that you don’t see. You have not taken the time to know her up close and personal like I have. You have not talked about what her interests are and what she is passionate about. You have not taken the time to understand our “romance” and what we see for each other and in our futures.

2. (Minor note)I believe over time, mom and dad, either your anxieties will start to fade, or I will start to see things from your point of view, and I will see the issues that make you nervous. But you have to give my decision time.

3. I do not mean this as an insult, and once again I recognize and appreciate the way that you were brought up. But sometimes our problems with the relationship of loved ones have much more to do to us and our own values, fears, and experiences than with the values, wants, and needs of our loved ones.

4. I believe, though I am not precisely sure of your own youth experiences, that when others were younger, they have found it to be true that love does not always come in an expected little package, and that I have to follow my own heart.

5. (Minor note)I was not quite sure how to word this exactly, so please do not get upset if this comes out wrong. I believe and feel that she is able to withstand your disapproval, and that deserves some grudging respect.

6. The fact that she loves the child you love puts you on the same side.

Specific cases in which I believe Lauren has pushed me to be a better person.
1. She first and foremost has always pushed me to talk to you. Even though I haven’t until now, she realized how important you guys were to me and thought that I should always talk to you about her and my problems.
2. She is always pushing me to do my schoolwork. This may seem like a minor thing, but it is little things like this that motivate me, and more the reason I appreciate and like her.
3. She motivates me to clean. Another minor thing, but she always wants me cleaning.
4. She motivates me to try my hardest in everything. I knew I was not the best soccer player, but she always motivated me on and off the field to impress my coach, and she made me feel like the best soccer player.
5. She has really pushed me to spend more time with my artwork. Another minor thing, but it is one thing that has been keeping me away from the tv and has me expressing myself.
6. She pushes me away from the mistakes she has made in her past, and we both look to better each other.

Reasons I like Lauren
1. She is honest with me. I can always know where she is and what she is doing. And I can trust her word when she tells me.
2. She tells me how she truly feels. If she thinks I am stepping out of line or doing something dumb, she will tell me and I can better myself through that. It teaches me patience.
3. She supports me even when I am being irrational. She gives me loving consideration and emotional support. We all need someone strong enough to keep our company and share our experience of distress and anxiety in difficult situations.
4. She knows what she wants and she isn’t afraid of going after it. I’ve seen her save up for a car the past couple of months, and I know how hard it can be to save for something, but I have seen her work overtime to get herself what she needs.
5. She is confident in what she does, even if she isn’t very good at it. It is funny to see her start belting lyrics at the top of her voice even though she isn’t good at singing.
6. She strives to better herself. She is not happy the way certain areas of her life have turned out to be, and she has been making strives to fix her errors. I have been pushing her also along with this and encouraging her to do so.
7. She stands up for what she believes in.

These are the kind of things I look for in a girl I want to hang out with, and be with.

To sort of recap what I have said, and please actually consider what I have said. I feel very passionately about Lauren, and all the things I have said. Mom and Dad, thank you for taking care of me and making sure I don’t make stupid mistakes all the time. But the thing is, I would like to start making mistakes of my own. I know it is hard for you to see me hurting when I make a mistake, but I would rather make my mistakes now when you are still able to support me and give me advice. I think this would be better than me only starting to mistakes when I am much older and supposed to be looking after you.
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Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 01:49 am
Wow. That's a mouthful and I applaud your efforts. Why don't your parents like her, honestly.
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Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 08:03 am
Well written and well thought out.

But, really, why wouldn't your parents like her?

You say you are an artist. Is THAT your plan for you? Do they have different career choice for you? Is your GF just one decision they object to?

What is your age?
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Reply Mon 10 Dec, 2018 02:19 am
try to make them understand but don't leave your family for any girl.
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