3
   

How to overcome crippling shyness?

 
 
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 01:24 am
Any advice on how a recluse could go about having a good time and meeting new people without needing to get drunk off their mind in order to come out of their shell?
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 01:28 am
@Skeleton ,
Well, drinking sure isn't the way to do it.

I speak from experience.


The first question I have to ask is if this recluses idea of a good time is truly going out and meeting new people, or is it just what they think they are supposed to want?



Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 01:37 am
@chai2,
No, not really. They think a good time is having a beer and watching their series on Netflix. But they won't get a girlfriend unless they go out. And without copious amounts of alcohol, they aren't brave enough to do that.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 02:06 am
@Skeleton ,
Do they want a girlfriend?

If they do, not all potential girlfriends are out at places where alcohol is flowing. I think the best ones aren't

Plus, good girl friend material are going to look at the drunken recluse like he's the biggest jerk in the world.

The recluse would probably be happy if he found a girlfriend that also liked to watch Netflix and have a beer. So that's what he should look for.

You find people like that by perhaps seeing if there are any meetups in the area for people who love movies, for instance.

There's also meetups for people who like to hike, or do other active things, or enjoy food experiences, games, motor cycles and tons of other stuff.

A person can go to those with the knowledge the other people there, male and female, have something in common with you.

It wouldn't be about going out to meet women, so no stress. It's getting together with people that enjoy the same stuff. Some of them will happen to be women.....who are also looking for a boyfriend.


Nighty Nite.
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 02:12 am
@chai2,
I don't know about any of those kind of meet ups in my area, a military base. I talk to girls online but since I'm pent up here it would be years before I could get out of the military and meet them.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 02:33 am
@Skeleton ,
Still up.

Aren't there towns/cities near the base? That's where you'd be going out drinking.

Google "meetups in xyz" and see what comes up.

What's the nearest place to you?
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 02:40 am
@chai2,
Well, Yokosuka is just outside the base gates. My friends take me there to get drunk sometimes, but I don't really know my way around so they lead me. I'm afraid to get lost if I wander far from Yokosuka, so I stay on the main roads because I know my way back.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 02:44 am
@Skeleton ,
I'm not what you would call outgoing, but don't let your friends get you drunk. They think it's funny, but it could turn into a lifelong thing.
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 03:04 am
@roger,
They only hang out at bars, that's the only thing they invite me to
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 03:23 am
@Skeleton ,
That's what I thought. Now, pretend a new poster were in that situation. What would you advise?
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 03:36 am
@roger,
I guess I would advise to decline. Still, they're the only social interaction I get in my life. It would be a bummer not to do anything with them.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 03:44 am
@Skeleton ,
Maybe you could cultivate new friends who don't drink as much?
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 03:51 am
@chai2,
My only friends are my coworkers. I see them on the ship every day and they live with me. I don't have any friends who aren't people I see at work.

And I work on the only all-male ship in the fleet. Not one female friend.

You know how it is, sailors gotta drink.
saab
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 06:54 am
@Skeleton ,
If you can - sometimes it must be possible to get away from the ship - go to things arranged. A guided tour of a museum or town. You will probably not
get friends that way, but meet people and talk to them. And maybe meet again.
I have a shy daughter and she complained as a teenager about being shy.
I told her that everybody just love someone who can listen.
Ask the right questions and people will talk to you and tell you that you are such an interesting young man.
To keep old friends and keep old contacts I have something which has helped.
Not with everybody, but the best ones. Get away from the TV and the drinks and sit down and write a handwritten letter to someone.
Does not have to be very long in the beginning, but you will develope in writing. Often shy people can express themselves very well writing.
Good luck...no matter how you do it.
Skeleton
 
  3  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 08:48 am
@saab,
Thanks. I decided to text my ex today, she still does have feelings for me, and I told her I'm on the market. So there's that.
saab
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 08:55 am
@Skeleton ,
Do you mean a short text or nice long e-mail with your thoughts and wishing her nice Christmas and all the Best for the New Year?
Skeleton
 
  2  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 09:37 am
@saab,
We had a conversation about how we feel about each other and the possibility of getting back together
saab
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 09:47 am
@Skeleton ,
Good Luck and all the best for the new year.
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 09:58 am
@saab,
Thanks. You too!
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Thu 15 Dec, 2016 11:12 am
Hey skeleton. Good Morning.

Good for you contacting an old girlfriend. Let's see how that works out!

I never knew exactly where you were, so I can see the problem.

Hope you don't mind if I ask some other background questions.

Do you speak any Japanese?
Do the women around there speak English?

I'm thinking like any parents, the folks of nice girls keep a close watch on their daughters, especially in a navy port. True? Or young single women on their own who are the right type are wary too? But those are more the girls you want to meet peraps.

Sailors gotta drink? Well....some do. Some of that group really "gotta" drink. They've got a problem. I'll bet they aren't meeting decent girls either.

There's got to be some guys who have other interests in doing things other than getting faced. Don't overlook them.

Or....how about it YOU be the one to suggest to some guys to go do something other than get plastered? Maybe not the guys you're hanging with now, but, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them would rather do something more low key, at least some of the time.

saab's suggestions were really helpful. Especially about listening.


 

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