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Sun 13 Nov, 2016 06:58 am
Hey everyone!
I don't know where to begin, so I guess I'll just start from the top.
My boyfriend wanted me to come over for a few drinks a couple days ago. Everything was great, we were sitting around, laughing and generally having a good time. We both had quite a lot to drink, but I definitely had a lot more to drink than my boyfriend. It was some time after 1 am that we decided it was best to call it a night. Since I don't live very close to him, he suggested that I stay the night, which I did.
We were both laying in his bed, and we were kissing. I don't know what was going through my head at the time, and I was a bit too drunk to even remember most of it, but from what I recall, we started doing more than kissing. We had sex that night, I know that for sure, but in the morning, there was something off about my boyfriend, he was colder to me.
I had to squeeze an explanation out of him, and he finally told me that the night before I jumped on top of him and "had my way" with him. Despite his resistance, and how many times he said "no" or that he didn't want to continue, I kept going, forcing him to go along. I don't remember any of this at all. Right now he's been somewhat distant to me, and I have no idea what I can say or do, I've asked all my friends, and they're telling me if he really didn't want to continue he would have stopped me. I still feel like I'm a terrible person, am I not any better than the people out on the streets sexually assaulting others???
I just need some help, maybe it wasn't my fault, maybe it was, I just don't know anymore.
@kitkatkitty,
Consider that if the genders were reversed, your friends probably would not be telling you that if you had wanted it to stop, you would have intervened. Because that's essentially victim shaming. So let's not do that.
Instead, consider not only your relationship (and the degree and manner of communications therein), but also your own issues with drinking. See, getting this drunk is a bad sign all around, and both of you got to the point of inebriation where it sounds as if consent was specious at best and you were potentially in a dangerous situation. Not necessarily in terms of sex but in terms of blood-alcohol levels.
Forgetting what happened, the morning after a bender (because that's what this was), is a red flag.
So yeah, it's a mess. Start by communicating. And it might end up that your relationship ends over this. And then seriously consider talking to a medical professional, because this kind and degree of drinking should give you pause.
@kitkatkitty,
Yea if the roles were reversed it would've been rape therefore
it was rape. simple as that.
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