When do kisses lose their magic?

They did?

Hey Booms, I stubbed my toe!

Hey, I stubbed my...

Oh man.

Is even the parenting forum an unsafe place for such posts?

I would consider George's toe but that's as far as I'm willing to go -- and that's only because it's George's toe.

But really....

Is there a certain age, or level of development where kids stop believing that their parents can make it all better?

I don't have kids, but I can only assume that it's perhaps when the child vocalizes that it's "lame". Kids become adults, and they will want to be independent, sans parents. Still, there will always be times when they will need that motherly magic, whether they know it or not. It can happen at any age, all kids are different in their development.

Oh, and bad kicky. No dessert.

Instead of kisses, I could always make the kids feel better after those scapes and cuts ... by bringing out the saw. Hey if those injuries are that severe that you kids are bawling your eyes out then I guess that leg/arm/head has to be amputated. Strange how suddenly it was all better. I think I missed my calling - shoulda been a nurse/teacher/human being.

My father used to take us into the bathroom, put the cover down on the pot and place us on the "operating toilet". He would then make a big show of cleaning the wound (no matter how tiny), covering it with Bacitracin ointment and then placing a Band-Aid on it with a flourish. When it was time to remove said Band-Aid, we would return to the "operating toilet" and he would carefully remove the bandage, all the while telling us that it was a very delicate procedure and we were getting top-notch, Mayo Clinic-type care. My father is an engineer so he had (still has) extremely precise motions and a practiced patter.

He still does this with our nephew, who's 9 and I think is either about to pronounce this lame or perhaps already has (then again, our nephew adores my Dad, so maybe not).

I think a lot of it was in the presentation.

Or hey, Heeven - you could have been an elementary shool teacher nun. All of my Catholic school friends were terrified of them.

I'm guessing you're right, cav.

I can remember being a kid and always wanting to hang out with my big brother. Despite his friends tormenting his for his tag-along little sister he would usually let me go with him as long as I followed his strict no crying rule. Of course, I was always getting injured and I would never cry..... until I dragged myself into the door and saw my mom and then oh how the tears would flow. A kiss here, a kiss there and I was as good as new.

Actually if I can be soppy here for just a moment, I still feel better after a kiss or a hug when I am feeling blue. It's better than pills. I miss popping a smacker on my mom or dad when they least expect it. I'm not very demonstrative with friends because I find lots of people are not into that, but I am with my immediate family.

I had a grandmother who lunged and pounced insisting that "Kisses would make it better". I was a clumsy child and frequently skinned one or both knees (as can be documented by school pictures from K through 6--I'm the girl with the bandages).

Believe me, kisses don't work with brushburns.

With my own sons, I offered considerable sympathy and two wet wash cloths. One washcloth was for cleaning the wound. The other was a Modern Substitute for Biting a Bullet. The degree of bravely bourn pain was determined by the depths of the tooth marks in the washcloth.

Secret: No child can scream when that child's teeth are gripping a wet washcloth. Even chronic hysterics are silenced--and glory afterwards in Pain Bravely Faced and Conquered.

They've lost their magic?

After playing football the other day, my son, who's 19, hobbled in the door, he'd been kicked in the shin. He presented that hairy shin with a grin and a "Kiss it better." He was joking -- I think -- but didn't object when I put my fingers to my lips and applied the kiss to his leg.

(I'm sure Heeven will be pleased to know that just now she was responsible for stopping waterworks... sozlet's sick and whiny [oh joy] and fell over her blocks and came staggering over to me in full "poor-me!" mode, got on my lap, and said "What's THAT?" when she saw Heeven's avatar. "An emu." "EE-moo??!! That's a silly name." Crisis over.)

Anyway, what I was going to say before the rather apropros digression (oxymoronic? anyway) was that there have been studies that being ministered to by a doctor is itself therapeutic. Not the obvious, that the doctor gives medicine or puts on a cast. I forget how they isolated it, but they found that the whole experience of going to the doctor's office, being touched (heartbeat listened to, back thumped), being listened to, and having a solution proffered (placebo, I believe), had a real impact on health.

So I don't think it ever goes all the way away, just waxes and wanes according to how strongly the child believes in the infallibility of the parent (the parent says it's fine = it's fine) and how comfortable the child is with the parent.

I think some people (this is going along with what soz is saying) just need someone to take their complaints (aches and pains) seriously, and offer care, no matter what the care is. It's just nice to feel that your problems are important enough that someone stops what they're doing and tends to you.

My grandson is constantly getting barraged with hugs and kisses from his other grandmother, to the extent he doesn't want that sort of attention from anybody. When I walk in the room after not seeing him in a while, he says, "Don't touch. Don't touch."

This is really interesting.

I never would have thought that kids could develop a resistance to the "kiss to make it better" but obviously they can. I guess it was just such a part of my growing up, and such a part of Mo's growing up that it was more universal.

I wonder now if this is where the placebo effect begins. I would be really interesting to see someone study whether people who reacted stongly to placebo had a big "kiss and make it better" childhood. Do we perhaps hardwire children to deal with injury differently with this action?

I grew up in a pretty affectionate family. Mr. B did not. When he gets home I'm going to quiz him on this, maybe call his mom to talk to her about her habits.

Did anyone here ever read "Portnoy's Complaint"? I'm reminded of the passage that says "When a man is sick he wants his mother. If he can't have his mother than any woman will do." (Or something very similar to that.)

... or maybe that was "Goodbye Columbus"....

I can't believe its been that long since I read those books. But I really think it was "Portnoy's Complaint".

I read both books, but can't place the quote.

If I recall, its right at the beginning of the story.

I still have a copy of "Goodbye Columbus" and its not at the first of that. I think "Portnoy's Complaint" was more of a monologue and that would fit with the tone of the quote better.

If someone has a copy maybe they could scan the first few pages and let us know.....