Chores...

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I have a 14 yr old, an 8 yr old and a 3 yr old. My husband thinks the two older one should do chores, I agree to an extent but he makes them every day after school come home, clean the kitchen, the living room, family room, bathroom and start laundry. I say this is too much for them. He says it is good for them to learn at an early age.

I might add that after dinner he makes the oldest do dinner dishes unless i intervene and do them myself. I am not home when they get home form school so I can not step in.

when is too much too much? any thoughts?

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I think the whole family should pitch in especially if both mom and dad work. I know I am exhausted when I get home and still have to wash clothes, cook, etc. And the additional benefit is teaching children responsibility. The one thing about cleaning all the rooms when the come home seems a bit extreme. Do they really need cleaning every day? Unless you just mean picking things up, if that's the case it is not too much. To me what seems more reasonable is to give them one of those chores when they get home. For example on Monday, the 14 year old vacuums, while the 8 yr old dusts the familyroom, on Tuesday, the livingroom, on Wednesday clean the bathroom, Thursday clean the bathroom and with Friday off. That would only leave laundry for you and your husband to do. Something like that. Also I see nothing wrong with cleaning the dishes. Perhaps the two older could alternate nights that way one gets one night off here and there. Also, I would start encouraging the three year old. Maybe s/he could set the table, bring her dish to the sink and clean her toys up.

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Mine at home are 13, 7, and 5, and they help w/the laundry, straighten up the parlor, dining room, kitchen, and bathroom, run the vacuum, keep their rooms up... In addition, dd13 makes dinner 2x/week when I am gone & helps me w/the after dinner clean up every night (unless we are in a period where she is doing it all one night, and I do all the next- schedules get hectic for us around here sometimes...) Chores need to get done daily. Kids help create the mess that gets made, they should take some responsibility to clean it up. Otherwise they will condemn whole families to live in squalor or need to hire help or leave a parent as a house slave. I think of it as teaching them responsibility... Oh, yeah, and there is also carport cleanup monthly (about) and they help w/the raking after mowing, my kids aren't much into gardening, but do like to water our plants when the rain isn't helping out...

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Re: Chores...

swestover wrote:

when is too much too much? any thoughts?

When the jobs take more than 18 hours to complete over a week w/school, when the jobs include roof repair, mining, excavation, use of power tools (excluding the vacuum, even if it's got powerful suction...)

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I guess that maybe it is not too much then. It just seems alot to me. I always back him up when he tells them to do them but sometimes i feel sorry for them, they seem to do so much.

I guess my theory is that they are kids and need time to be kids. I will have to keep quiet then unless one day when I come home from work there up on the roof :wink:

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I agree swestover - they do need to have time to be kids. However some chores teaches them responsibility. As long as they have free time to be kids. That free time should not be when they are in school or doing their homework. Basically there should be a balance of time for school, time for home responsibility, time for homework and of course time to be a kid and play.

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I agree that chores teach them responsibility and they need that. I must add my husband is home all day while he usually does none of it. He just waits till they get home and has them do it. My husband has not done dishes in months. he never vacuums but he makes the kids do it all. I do all I can after working 9 hours a day but sometimes at night I just do not feel like doing anything.

I am sure the kids feel that way sometimes too but they dont have the option of not doing it, He makes them.

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That changes things.

Hubby should be pulling his weight!

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What is hubby's contribution to things? Anything to help the household - cooking? something?

My experience is that chores are usually shared throughout a family.

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Hubby does cook dinner most nights. and far and in between he does some laundry and cleans our bathroom. but the majority of the chores are done by the kids during the week. On weekends I dust the whole house, get laundry done, cobwebs down ect.. he helps out on the weekends once in awhile though.

I try to let the kids have the weekends off becuase it is not fair to them (i feel) to have to work every single day.

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In this case swestover, in my opinion, your husband should do more. I have no issue with either the mom or dad staying home, but if so, that party should do a little more of the housework. I still think the kids should pitch in, but they should not have to do everything. He should do the deep cleaning - of the bathroom, the kitchen and leave certain chores for the children. In my opinion maybe a half hour when they get home from school and/or clean up the dishes after dinner.

On the weekends everyone pitch in together.

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swestover wrote:

I agree that chores teach them responsibility and they need that. I must add my husband is home all day while he usually does none of it. He just waits till they get home and has them do it. My husband has not done dishes in months. he never vacuums but he makes the kids do it all.

Does your dh work nights then?- or is he currently unemployed? There are some extenuating circumstances that excuse doing nothing while others do everything, usually medical reasons, imnsho... Otherwise, why ask the kids to do more than you are willing to? That makes no sense, imnsho...

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My husband jokes that he wants enough kids to do all of the chores so he doesn't have to. He is a very hard worker and doesn't really mean it, but it doesn't sound that funny when kids are really made to do all of the chores. Unless he's got some terrible disability, I'd have to step in and tell him to get off his duff and help out. Maybe you can offer him "favors" for doing some of the chores! You could add some spice to your relationship, too! Just a thought!

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My hubby works only a few hours a day.

princesspupule wrote:

swestover wrote:
I agree that chores teach them responsibility and they need that. I must add my husband is home all day while he usually does none of it. He just waits till they get home and has them do it. My husband has not done dishes in months. he never vacuums but he makes the kids do it all.

Does your dh work nights then?- or is he currently unemployed? There are some extenuating circumstances that excuse doing nothing while others do everything, usually medical reasons, imnsho... Otherwise, why ask the kids to do more than you are willing to? That makes no sense, imnsho...

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I did step up and tell him he needs to pitch in more and he has for the last few days. hopefully it will continue. I just do not think kids should be made to do all the chores. Thank you for all you advice!!!

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swestover wrote:

I did step up and tell him he needs to pitch in more and he has for the last few days. hopefully it will continue. I just do not think kids should be made to do all the chores. Thank you for all you advice!!!

*clean the kitchen, the living room, family room, bathroom
*start laundry
*after dinner he makes the oldest do dinner dishes

This is not a long chore list!!! I suppose it depends on how dirty the rooms are when they are getting cleaned (daily) and how deeply they get cleaned... I mean, my kids do these rooms daily and it takes about 10 minutes to straighten them up each when done on a daily basis. And what is there to cleaning the dinner dishes? You rinse 'em, run the garbage disposal (or compost/feed the dog the scraps), make up a sink of sudsy water and wash and rinse again (or put them in the dishwasher...) Even if you clear the table yourself, this chore doesn't take more than 20 minutes to complete... Confused

Is your 3 yr old allowed to be a Mr./Ms. Destructo all day and that is the mess they are cleaning up after? Confused

Or pets?

I simply can't imagine other activities that would make cleaning daily such a monumental task... Confused

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Oh if you only knew.... The daily cleaning of my house.... Just kidding. I just feel like they should not have to do it everyday. I sure do not want to clean every day. I guess I must have a soft heart or something. They are good about doing the chores so I guess it is how it makes me feel.

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I am not a mother...I dont have a husband...Infact, im still in high school and live with my dad. My dad does make me do chores... I think its a good thing that your husband is teaching your children at an early age to take care of themselfs. One day they will be on their own, and they will be ready, and independent. You dont want them to have to rely on you, or their girlfriends or anyone when they get older to do their work for them. Now it probally is a little to much when it gets to the point where their not getting enough sleep, their grades are dropping, or they are kept from their extracerricular activities, or hanging out with their friends. You should probally talk to your husband about maybe the whole family pitching in, or rewarding the kids for their hard work around the house...show them that it does pay off. But in the long run it's probally best that they are learning to be independent at an early age. good luck!

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Wait a minute!
Most children go to school until 3 pm or even longer.
Then they come home and have homework to do and
learn for exams and what not. After that they should
do daily chores of cleaning the kitchen, living room,
dining room and bathrooms, in additon to their own rooms
I gather.

My daughter is 9 years old, and by the time she's finished
with homework it's 4 pm and she's beat. Of course she
does make her bed, clean up her room and takes away
her dish, but I never would dream of having her clean
the entire house. That's absurd!

Looks like, your husband has the good life while delegating
his workload onto his children. Please put your foot down,
this is definitely not right.

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Chores...

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