Very smart child who won't go to sleep without a fight

Let's see, first of all, run that child before dinner until he's tired out. Plan to go to parks, run through the zoo, put him into swimming classes, kick a ball, teach him to ride a bike w/training wheels around a park, whatever activities will wear him out... That's the first step in getting a child to go to bed. Then set up a routine. Ours was (still is) dinner, then a bath, then get ready for bed(jammies, teeth brushed, potty,) then read some books, then bedtime at 8, with the same ole lullabye we've sung since babytime. Kids like a routine, find comfort in the routine, so stick to a routine that works for your family. If he comes from a broken home, he will probably have insecurity issues going on, so reassure him, make him feel secure with routines.

I would let the child have a glass or bottle of water on his nightstand so he can have a drink at bedtime, if that is one of his needs that keeps him up and interacting. If you do that, though, expect him to need to use the bathroom during the night. You might also choose to lie down w/him for a while so he will settle down, but then that becomes part of the routine and becomes hard to break if you should want to get up and do your own stuff before he's completely asleep, so think about whether that is something you want to do, or not.

Princess gave some great advice. 3 year olds have a ton of enery that needs to be used up during the day.

I personally wouldn't go with lying down with him at night because he will expect that from you every night and it can be a problem. A friend of mine did that with her daughter and she regretting ever starting.

so fight him....you can take him....

ladycats--

Welcome to A2K.

From your description it sounds to me as though your nephew is in charge of his bedtime ritual. I know there isn't much in his life that he can control, but he's trying.

Unfortunately, 3-year-olds should not be in charge. Loving adults should be in charge. Pick a day when you have lots of energy for establishing the New Bedtime Rules. Buy a kitchen timer--or if you can find a ten or fifteen minute hourglass, so much the better.

Establish with him The Bedtime Routine. After his bath (or when he gets in his P.J's) the timer starts clicking. Make sure there is time for a bedtime song or story and one drink of water. When the timer goes off, kiss him goodnight and leave the room.

Your little tyrant is not going to like Auntie Asserting Herself and there may be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth--his teeth and your teeth, too. Stay firm.

Granted, life would be much simpler if you had a magic wand, but there is no such thing. Bad habits take time and energy to change--and then life will be much easier.

Good luck.

I agree completely with Noddy. You need him to know that you're in charge. Of course he won't like it at first, but he'll learn to accept it.

Good luck to you

three year old who won't go to bed without a fight
Thanks for all the replies. I'm really trying, but I get so frustrated with him and then I think I'm not what he needs. I wish life weren't so complicated. I want the very best for my little man and so far He has gotten the worst end since his mom and dad just up and left him. I'm not as young as I used to be so he usually tires me out before I can tire him out but I am trying to lay out a routine for him. I did start lying down with him but I know now it was the wrong thing to have done. I'll keep trying. I don't even have custody yet and some days I wonder if I can handle a three year old at my age. Thanks again for all your answers. At least it lets me know I'm not totally alone without someone to ask for help from. Cat

It's not at all necessarily the wrong thing to have done, ladycat. Every family is different on that one, do what feels right. I love snuggle time at the end of the day, my daughter needs less and less of it as she gets older (almost 4), but it works really well for us.

It's such a toughie since you don't have precedent, you can't naturally follow the path of what you've been doing since he was born. And he also has understandably a lot of emotional trauma. Losing his parents!! So my tendency would be towards strengthening attachment.

Do you have any professionals helping you out?

The lady who sent me here sent someone else who is in a very similar situation, she will probably have better advice than I.

Good luck!!

Your situations is not too different from mine. I'm raising my godson after his parents left him here. I'm in my 40s and living with a three year old is tough.

Let me ask you this - how old was he when he came to live with you and how long has he been there?

My thinking is that he's testing you for reliability. I'm constantly tested.

Oh! I recommend you read "Mothering Without A Map"!

The book is really written for women who grew up without a mother but I found some very interesting perspectives on kids there. Your talking about his "charm" is what made me think of it.

Great parenting book suggestion
I am the lucky mom of two boys: a strong-willed 2 1/2 year old and a four-month old. I saw Nancy Samalin (sp?) on a talk show promoting a book called "Loving Without Spoiling." It has become invaluable to me and I read relevant chapters often when I am experiencing a particular glitch in my oldest son's behavior. Of course, I slip up more than I should in following her advice, but her insight is amazing. It really makes you understant that your own behaviors and words truly make a huge impact on the people your little ones eventually grow up to be. Good Luck. . .I know I sure need it, too!!