should having kids be planned??

I planned it from general to increasingly specific and am pretty happy about it. One of the things I figured out is that while a) I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, b) it would be hard for me to be *just* a stay-at-home mom (it's not a very respected occupation in terms of brains or talent involved), and it would be hard for me to be dependent on my husband's salary, and it would be hard for me psychologically to talk to my husband about his day and know that all I've ever been was a stay-at-home mom...

So I very purposely set out to make a big splash in my field after graduation, and did so. I started my own agency, made it extremely successful, had job offers all over the place and an impressive resume by the time I was ready to get pregnant. Then also saved half of my salary for a year so that the money we lived off of when I quit would be at least partly "mine". (Ended up not touching it and became the down payment on the house we just bought.)

I have a photo on my desk of myself at the ribbon-cutting of my agency's new digs -- which I designed (where the walls went to picking out the posters) and largely assembled. If I'm feeling blah that usually picks me up, a reminder of what I'm capable of.

That said, I planned through having my daughter, but not beyond that, and am currently in agony about whether I should have a second. I just can't decide.

Good luck!

We thought we'd plan ours so when the day arrived to begin it took 3 years for things to happen after that plans were set-back.

I sort of take a middle view. Having children should be delayed until a certain set of guidelines has been reached, but these are broad guidelines. They would vary from person to person, but might be along the lines of: I've graduated from school, I'm married, and one of us has a job.

In our case, we have three children, and each was planned. The only misunderstanding between us on the planning was when we would have the first child. Wy wife always said she wanted to work three years after school before we started a family. I understood this to mean she would work for three years, and then we would start trying. She understood it to mean we would have our first child in our arms after she had worked three years. Number One Son was born three years and and about two weeks after my missus graduated.

Sure it should be planned. There would be a lot less kids running around if the accidents were eliminated.

Heh!

Three years seems like a good interval, that's what I did too.

In general, I think planning's a good idea, but we're not always in control of what happens. Just because you plan to have a child doesn't mean it will happen. Conversely, planning NOT to have a child doesn't mean it WON'T happen.

Planning's good, but it's also good to accept that whatever happens is for the best.

Sometimes we get so caught up in thinking that we SHOULD be able to plan things that it causes guilt when unexpected things happen. Or don't. This is one area where we don't have ultimate control.

Good points, Eva.

The best laid sperm of mice and men....