Child custody support issues

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Did you tell Florida court you were moving? Usually, a parent cannot take the children out of state without clearing it with family court.

I was in a situation where my r.i.p. Dad's house was in foreclosure I had no where to go and he threatened me on my phone that if he got home and I was there, it would be a problem. I left out of fear . He was mad at the fact I had went to visit family in jersey because he was very controlling . Things happened so fast I had no time to go to family court. The day I left was the same day he got to my dad's and destroyed the inside.

Family court is sympathetic but they are not mind readers. They have no idea what happened unless and until you tell them.

I understand I must tell them and I plan to but he is trying to get me to have to go to florida to do things up there when I live in new jersey. His main thing is he doesn't want to pay support. I hear that he is hiring a detective to find me. But idk if it's true my thing is I want to get it done in nj. Not have to leave my kids and travel to florida. I would have someone to leave them with but if that doesn't pan out and I have to take them it would be costly. He wants to have the first word in court. He don't know I have evidence on how badly he spoke with the kids

I filed a restraining order on him cuz he tried to come up here and pick up my son to most likely dissappear the courts here gave me a final restraint where I got primary residential custody. The judge said I couldn't do a thing about visitations as the durisdiction for that is still in fl. Until I become legal resident here in 2 months. He opened up case over there asap after that. The order had on it how he had threatened to kill me in front of the kids and other threats he had made plus insidents.

You should get a lawyer. As far as anything legal goes, what your ex says doesn't matter. You need legal help to deal with the legal actions that he is taking. That being said...

A father has rights to see his kids. Your kids when they are older will want a relationship with their father (no matter how bad you, his ex girlfriend, think he is). We get many messages here about teens and young adults who are urgently looking for their fathers.

The best thing you can do for your kids is to make peace with your ex-boyfriend. This war you are fighting is not good for them.

Almost any state will ensure that a father will have visitation rights. And fathers should be given visitation rights... imagine if you were in his situation and were prevented from seeing your children. It is wrong to separate children from their father (no matter how bad his ex-girlfriend thinks he is).

Why not look at this as a negotiation, rather than a war? You need to make sure that you and the children are safe. Your husband needs to have a connection with his children.

There are legal ways to work out this compromise... and courts will often enforce exactly that. It is far better when the mother and father decide themselves to be civil and to work out a compromise themselves.

A custody war helps no one (except the lawyers).

I tried to work it out and be sivil but he did things wrong he spoke to my son inappropriatly. By saying to him I was no good useless and dumb he also said it was a waste of time talking about me. He said my son was stupid and he didn't want him as a son. He also broke my sons heart where he cried profusely when he told him he was leaving and not coming back until he turned 18. He also told my son he had another girlfriend and purposely cut him short on the conversation to say he had to go because of her then proceeded to say I'm talking with my son I'll play with you later while my son was still on the line . He also told my son he was unemployed which he lied to him on that. Then told my son he had step children that was getting all his money he would've been giving to him. Blamed my son for my breakup with him and his leaving us. Also all that know him are saying if I let him see the kids without putting provisions in place he will disappear with them and I might not see them again as police won't go looking for them. Because nobody had custody we both still shared it. That's when I got in writing and he signed off on me getting residential primary custody

The father has legal rights. None of what you have said changes that (nor does it change the fact that a parent has an inherent right to be part of his or her child's life).

I absolutely agree that there should be provisions in place that keep him from disappearing with the kids. I believe this is fairly standard. I have a clause in my custody agreement that prevents my ex from taking my child out of the state. Again, you should be talking to a lawyer about this.

You and this man have a child together. All of the anger you feel toward him, and all of the bad things you feel he has done, doesn't change that. You are going to have to work out a compromise with him for the good of your children.

Get a lawyer. Get the legal protections you need to get. Your situation isn't that unusual. The lawyers and the judges in the court system have worked out contentious custody agreements millions of times.

My main point is that as much as you think this guy is a complete asshole, you have to deal with him. He will always be the father of your son. The more you can work with him for what you both want, the better it will be for your child.

If you try to compromise with your ex, accepting that he has concerns too, you may find that you work something out. You don't need to give up your legal rights, but you should respect his legal rights.

Talk to a lawyer, but be ready to compromise. That is what is best for your child son (and for his).

I am respecting his legal rights I want supervised visitations he doesn't want that. He is doing psychological warfare on my son verbally abusing my son. Telling him stuff that can affect him now into adulthood. Making him feel like all is his fault and he need to be a man. He is only 11 so I'm not trying to keep them apart just want visitations supervised so he doesn't tell them things that mentally hurts them gets them depressed at a tender age and worried all the time that they were at fault as to why mom n dad broke up and or he left. I never put the kids in the grown up situations that can affect them he prefers them to be all involved in it when it's grown folk business.

Think about how you would feel if he had custody. You would want unsupervised visitations, wouldn't you? And, you would object to supervised visitations. This will almost certainly go to court. What you are doing is pretty aggressive. Most parents would fight this in court.

The best way for you to stop the warfare (psychological or not) is to stop fighting a war.

You can't control the behavior of you ex. But you can control your own behavior. And, you can also figure out a middle ground where both your ex and you both feel like you are getting what you need. Compromise isn't perfect, but it is better than war.

My ex and I have an agreement that neither of us says anything bad about the other person to our children no matter how angry we are. This agreement works well. Once you get the legal crap out of the way, then you could try to talk to each other to agree on things that are good for your child, and make life a little better for the two of you as well.

I have found that the more reasonable I am... the more reasonable other people are too (even people I think are assholes). You might keep this in mind, especially since you are going to have to deal with the father of your child for the next 13 years or so.

Talk to a lawyer, and figure out what your legal rights and options are. Then face reality and accept that you are going to have to compromise with this guy for the sake of your child.

Ok so compromise with the guy even if he is mentally verbally and emotionally abusive and has mental problems and will traumatize or mess up those kids mentally and so much so that they may not be productive as adults because of the issues he can cause on them and the teaching he will instill on them that it's ok to abuse of women and therefore not ending the cycle of abuse. He nearly punched me. I seen him hit another woman and he threatened me by saying and I quote how would I like it if the boys saw me dying in front of them by his own hands. Oh that wouldn't cause them damage. Yea right it will.

I am hearing that you are very angry with the father of your child and that you don't him to be a part of your child's life. I don't get the chance to hear his side of the story. The only thing I know is that he wants to be a part of his child's life.

You and he have two choices...

1) Fight this war out in court-- at the cost of possibly tens of thousands of dollars of legal fees with an uncertain outcome and no chance for you to work together as parents. And, during this time enduring all of the anger an hatred that these wars always bring out. And, having this anger make things worse for you and your son.

2) Try to be reasonable and work out a way to make it better for both of you. Yes, this would mean compromise and working out an agreement-- which could include things important to you like agreeing that neither of you will say bad things about the other to your child.

These are your only two choices. If you really think that fighting this to the bitter end at any cost (including the fact you maybe making things worse for your son)... then that is your choice. I don't know you or your ex. But I do know this.

If there is a chance for you to get over your anger, and to be reasonable to work to make things better with this guy for the sake of your child (of course with the legal protection and a fair agreement)... then you should do that for the sake of your child.

War or compromise. Those are your choices.

Choose wisely.

If you want to compromise, the goal will be a parenting agreement that will include visitation and things that are important to you and him. It is a matter of give and take for the good of your son.

You start this process with a lawyer. Lawyers deal with these issues for a long time and know what issues need to be dealt with.

You figure out what you want to be in the parenting agreement. You get the input from your lawyer about what is reasonable and whatever you might have missed.
You then find out what your ex-husband wants to be in the parenting agreement (with input from his lawyer).

Then you and your husband hopefully can be reasonable adults and compromise on the things that you agree on (you might be surprised that there are things you agree on).

Things that you can't compromise on, go to a judge. But realize that the judge is supposed to be fair to both you and your ex-boyfriend... he won't always take your side of the story. Any time you go before a judge, you run the risk that the judge will believe your boyfriends side of the story.

The more that you and your ex-boyfriend can compromise on (with the help of both lawyers to make sure it is fair) the better it is for everyone involved, and the cheaper it will be for both you and your ex-boyfriend.

If you and he are unwilling to compromise on anything, then you are stuck with the the most expensive option... and the option that is the most damaging for your son.

What won't be damaging to him is court proceedings cuz he won't have no part of it at all. I will and I won't let that affect myself in ways it can go to the children. I'll continue to tell you things he won't tell you. He belittled me brought my self esteem down controlled me withheld money from me didn't send money for kids accept for twice a year and we lived together although he was a trucker and stayed out 2 months at times. He laughed my baking of cakes knowing that was my passion and didn't want me to go to school for it purposely took stove door off stove so I couldn't bake. I struggled to get it on cuz he said he couldn't. He got mad he threw stuff or broke stuff example tv kids game system and in front of child called me stupid bit.h and said his son was stupid. I'm telling you the side of story he won't tell you and theres more. What I don't want is for my kids to think thats acceptable and do those things spite of how i raise them. I'm going to counceling group and much son will get it because he has issues when he gets mad he wants to yell and break up stuff. I am trying to get him back right as his self esteem was low also and also when I got him to a good school and away from dad he got good grades. He is not distracted from the stress dad imposed on him and I. We walking on eggshells so as to do things in a way so he won't get mad or upset. If I missed is because I'm outside in the sun

Of course it is damaging to your son. When parents fight, it is always damaging to the children. Do you ever say bad things to your son about his father?

What would happen if you and your ex decided to compromise?

I have been through this process. In my opinion, my ex was worse than yours. We still put aside our differences to work out a parenting agreement. I insisted on a judges order (as part of the agreement) that my ex stop hitting our daughter ( for corporal punishment). This was one of the most important issues for me, and the parenting agreement has been successful, my daughter hasn't been hit one time since the agreement. I had to agree to a couple rather obnoxious restrictions from her (including a strange prohibition to visit one location with my daughter). I accepted this for the sake of making peace and helping my daughter.

You could have a parenting agreement that would include a part about you not saying bad things about each other in front of him. The parenting agreement would include visitation times, and maybe rules about the transition and grades and discipline. Whatever is important to you and him can be worked out in the parenting agreement.

The parenting agreement would ensure that your ex would bring back his son after visitation. You can put counseling for your son as part of this agreement.

You may still be pissed about what happened in the past, but you wouldn't let that impact your son. And your ex may be pissed too... but he would understand that he has the chance for a relationship with his child and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.

And this would allow your son to have a relationship with his father. You may not understand this, but having a relationship with your father... even a bad father... if very important for a child. Do you want to answer to your son when he is 20 years old on why you wouldn't allow him to have this?

I get that you are pissed and that you think you are justified. You might not know it, but many couples have similar lists... and sometimes two parents have the same lists against each other.

I still believe that compromise is better than fighting. And my experience supports this belief.

He says bad things about me to him not I about him to him my son. And furthermore I can ask the judge as a provision he doesn't berate me to my children or do negative talk but there won't be anybody to see it enforced. I will have to hear it from my son and then file that he is not following guidelines. Meanwhile it is affecting my child. I didn't put everything but as you said he hit your daughter it's bad and it hurts child but words can hurt more. They stay with you

Also I am going to add I did never want to battle or fight I haven't even gone to court he is the one going and filing against me. And is adamant about seeing it through because he just doesn't want to pay support. He rather take them away from me then have to pay the child support. He is a truck driver so he is out 1 n 1/2 months or 2 at a time and he has not gotten an apartment. He claims he has a old woman helping him in which case when he gets custody he will quit working his good job take a low paying job local to where his old lady lives. One he cheated on me with before and have my kids living with a complete stranger. I know this because he told his Aunty and she relayed it to me. He has hired someone to find me instead of trying to talk to me.

If I were to talk to your ex, I would say the same thing that I am saying to you. He is going to have to accept the reality that he needs to deal with you for the next 13 years. I would tell him that he should talk to a lawyer, but that also he should realize that if he does't compromise with you, it is going to be much worse for him, and for you and for your son.

I would tell your ex, were I speaking to him, that he should work to compromise with you. I would point out that in spite of all the ways he feels you hurt him, that he and you are the adults and that someone has to start acting responsibly and compromise.

I am not talking to him, so I the only person I have to say this to is you (actually both of you should start acting responsibly and compromise).

The typical outcome in custody cases is that one parent gets custody, and the other parent gets visitation rights and pays child support. Yes, in parenting agreements you have to accept that some parts aren't enforceable (although some are). That's life and all you can do is hold up your end of the bargain and hope.

If you can work this out responsibly, without the nasty fight in court, it will be better for everyone (and save money). If can't work it out responsibility and go through the nasty fight, you might end up in the same place anyway at the order of a judge (except you and your ex and your son will all have less money).

I get that you wish you never had a kid with this jerk. But, you did. And, now you have to do what is best for your kid. You can't avoid the fact that this father has the right to have a connection with his kid. You can do your best to compromise and do what you can to make the situation better.

Did you see me write that you should have a lawyer? A good lawyer will protect your legal issues and suggest ways that you can compromise with your ex at the same time you protect your own rights and the needs of your child.

I would surely want to compromise but he is pushing me to go for lawyer as he has. But at the same time if the court throws out his case. We could come to agreement but unless it's enforced at least I think he won't make efforts to change. He just doesn't understand the part that if he spoke to the kids a properly and acted right I would have no issue him having visitation rights unsupervised. I don't like to be accused of trying to take the kids away from him vice versa from other people. I want the kids to flourish with the father if he is prepared to do the right thing to help them flourish rather than harm them or simply take them away from me simply because he doesn't want to pay up. We getting back together is what he would want to avoid the system making him pay.