He's too shy to go out with me?

Forums: Gay, Dating
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So I met this guy online, we go to the same university. He messaged me first and we started talking. Afterwards we started to meet in the library. Once he asked me to come grab dinner with him but I couldn't go as I was minding stuff for my friend.

Anyways we've been meeting in the library and there's good chemistry and attraction between two. The way he stares at me and looks at me shows signs that he likes me.

So I decided to tell him that I like him more than a friend. He was shocked as we thought I liked him as a friend and not in that way. He confessed that he also feels something for me.

So I asked him to go out with me, maybe not as a date but just a casual hang out like friends. He kept changing the subject and wouldn't give me a straight answer. I messaged him again and he said he's too shy to go out with me since he's not out that's he's gay.

I don't know what to do? Should I wait for a week and message him asking once more or should I just let this guy go?

I am confused on the very first day he asked me grab dinner with me But I asked him to wait as my friend was on the Way but he didn't wait and took off. However I asked to go on coffee and he said yes but forget about it but it was ok as he was sorry.

Now I am asking him to go out with me, he's shy! I am so confused what to do now.

Your advice will be much aperrciated. Thanks

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Well he's not shy because he doesn't like you, but because he's not out.

Surely you can see how this is an issue he's dealing with that doesn't have anything to do with you.

Yes he may find you attractive, but are you worth coming out for if he's not ready yet?

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@Erased ,

Give him time. This may be his first time considering going out with a guy he's got a mutual attraction with.

He may not have figured out that not everyone will assume you're on a date - you might be two guy friends hanging out. He may need some support around this step - which can be enormous for some people. He probably thinks he's got a gay light flashing over his head right now.

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@chai2,

But I am not expecting him to come out and I am not out as well

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

So what shall I do next? Should I message him again or just leave him alone for a while?

It's bugging as I want a straight answer from him, I like straight forwardness so that people can just move on lol.

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@Erased ,

If you liked straightforwardness that much, you'd be out. right?

That sounds mean, and it is a bit. Kind of like wanting him to be straightforward with you.

I'd recommend leaving him alone for the most part. Maybe send him a message sometime when you're going to the library - let him know you'll be there. As he gains comfort with the idea of meeting with someone he's interested with, he'll test the waters with public meetings.

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@ehBeth,

Yeah I know it sounds rude but what I mean in terms of straight forwardness is that if he's not interested I would like if he just said it.

Well the think is we are off from uni for 8 weeks so no more
Library.

What I was thinking I'll message him after two weeks and ask him again?
Or is two weeks long.

I am sorry for so many questions is just that I am lost

1 Reply

@Erased ,

He's already let you know he's interested. He just doesn't know what to do about it.

Is there a gay/straight alliance or gay support group on campus where you could find a mentor to talk to about all of this?

The message in two weeks is a good idea.

In the meantime, you can figure out what happens next. You're interested. He's interested. Neither of you is out. Kind of hard for a relationship to develop under those circumstances.

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@ehBeth,

Yeah I think there is some sort of support. I've got some gay friends but their advice wasn't helpful so thought of seeking the help of forum. You've kinda given me hope Smile

I'll wait two weeks and see what happens.

I know it's hard to develop a relationship but I haven't had any expectation that it will develop to that stage. I just wanna hang out with him and get to know him this stage.

Thank you very much for your advice

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@Erased ,

Good luck!

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'I just wanna hang out with him and get to know him this stage."

Why not just tell him that. No pressure, just have a meal together and talk.

Pull back on the 'attraction" thing. Maybe you came on too strong.

Just make a friend, that's all.

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@Erased ,

Erased wrote:

But I am not expecting him to come out and I am not out as well

I didn't say it was about getting Hom to come out.

I'm saying he may have more important things to think about regarding his sexuality

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@Erased ,

He might be having a bit of a crisis in himself I would say keeping trying and offer to help him through as a friend to try and come out, and hopefully he'll get the confidence to go further.

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He's too shy to go out with me?

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