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"Step it Up!" - Coach yelling at your child

 
 
Linkat
 
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 12:47 pm
Let me start out that I honestly have no issue with my kid being yelled at ---- when they deserve it. I actually kind of (in a twisted sick way) enjoy seeing it. As long as they are not being belittled or being insulted sometimes they need it.

What do you do though when a coach yells at them and it is wrong? Let me know if you think it is wrong and I am just being a misguided over protective parent.

This is middle school travel (town team) basketball -- it is competitive but it isn't club/AAU which at a higher level. She does play AAU/club so it is understandable that her expectations are higher than some of her other teammates.

A few weeks ago she got hurt playing - sprained her ankle. Her doctor said she could play depending how she feels. She played part of a game last weekend. This weekend was the playoffs. She played other than maybe 1 or 2 minutes the entire first half. She did really well and had more than half the points.

In the second half she was guarded by the strongest players which you would expect. She had to be pulled out halfway through because she was playing so hard she was about to get sick - she went threw up and coach put her back in. He started yelling at her to step it up! She did not have the stamina she normally has because she hadn't been playing fully for several weeks. And come to find out her ankle was killing her but she didn't want to hurt her team so she didn't say anything. Other than going out to throw up she played the entire second half.
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 01:23 pm
@Linkat,
You were there and I was not, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but "step it up" sounds like a something a coach would say to encourage his players. What did your daughter think about it? Did she feel the coach was on her or that he was just trying to motivate her.

I'm a lot more concerned about the coach putting her back in when she was clearly sick. People don't just throw up from playing hard (unless they are really out of shape and I don't think that applies here.)
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 01:33 pm
@Linkat,
I think it's great your daughter wants to support her team, but I'm a little weary of the old saw 'play hurt'. Dehydration or potassium drop can make your heart beat irregular. I know because I've been hospitalized too often with low potassium, it t gets low enough your heart could stop. Playing on an injured ankle could re-injure it......and that doesn't sound good.

Coach wants to win games, you need your daughter to be healthy. Telling her to 'step it up' not a bad thing, making her feel compelled to continue when she is obviously unwell...thats a big deal.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 01:46 pm
@engineer,
Funny I wasn't worried about her getting sick - I knew it was just from running too much and getting hot - I have seen her do it before. She sits for a few minutes has some water and then plays again -- it honestly doesn't bother her.

The step it up bothered her...my daughter that is. She was saying my ankle is killing me, I am running so hard and trying my hardest while my teammates are turning the ball over and so forth and he isn't yelling at them. I can't step it up any more -- I think it was the unreasonableness of it. And the comment was geared at her -- not her team. I am trying to get the exact words - it was something along the lines of "You need to step it up then her name!" As opposed to come on girls step it up.

I know my daughter is, if not the strongest player then one of them as she plays the most during stronger competition. She normally can handle playing an entire game with little rest. She was sick because she was out of shape in a sense -- for her. She hasn't been running so much recently because of the sprain.

And believe me her AAU coach yells at her much more - and she doesn't usually get upset at that. There was even a case where one of the moms on the AAU asked me if my daughter was upset after a meeting after the game - the coach was yelling at them at their poor performance other than one or two girls who played to their abilities. My daughter didn't say anything to me about it so I asked her - she shrugged and said yeah he yelled at us because we weren't playing well. So it isn't like she hasn't experienced it before.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 01:48 pm
Like the others, I'm more concerned that your kid threw up from playing so hard or while in pain.

Like engineer said, I wasn't there to hear the tone, but the words themselves aren't bad.

She sounds tough as nails.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 02:04 pm
@glitterbag,
well travel is over - we may be in the state tournament or not - but we had already decided she isn't going to play in it if coach decides and we are invited. We have in all the previous years, but this year we did not do as well as in the past - close but not quite so good. We thought after this we would just give her ankle more of a rest.

The getting sick thing, both my girls have been through it and I have talked with the doctor on it. She wasn't worried and it doesn't happen often - just when the gym is overly hot.

Her AAU coach is also much more careful on injuries. She used to be very wimpy on injuries - for example if something just hurt a little she thought she couldn't play -- now she changed to the opposite where she wills herself to play.

Put it to you this way last AAU season she played a game after breaking her finger - she didn't tell anyone that it hurt because she knew her coach would take her out -- after being at home for a while she tells me finger hurts - ended up being broken.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 02:07 pm
@chai2,
No the words themselves aren't bad - but it was in the context of her (and he knew because it was in game with this team) being having a hurt ankle -- one where she could play but maybe not to the extent she should have -- and it was after she got sick that he said you need to step it up.

I think she took offensive because he didn't yell at his daughter at all. And she felt she was giving all she could.

I think the coach was frustrated generally - but it does come down harder on her. Perhaps in part because she is a strong player.

The coach's wife even said had it been any of my kids and they got sick they would have been out the rest of the game.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Mar, 2016 02:12 pm
@glitterbag,
glitterbag wrote:

Coach wants to win games, you need your daughter to be healthy. Telling her to 'step it up' not a bad thing, making her feel compelled to continue when she is obviously unwell...thats a big deal.


I think you hit the nail on the head sort of speak --- it wasn't the words themselves, but the fact that she wasn't up to stepping it up any more and she was spent, but yet he was more concerned about the win than the fact she was trying harder (harder than her teammates) and just couldn't give any more.
Miller
 
  2  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 11:37 am
@Linkat,
Did you ever find about the urine test, your daughter was given following her concussion?

I 'd worry about a young child vomitting during the basketball game. If the activity makes the child sick, then I'd tend to think she shouldn't be involved with the activity.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 12:31 pm
@Miller,
Yes - the urine test was for traces of blood in the urine or something else I can't remember but I think it was blood and not drug testing. It only cost us $20 but if we didn't have a discount due to insurance (now this isn't insurance paying but because we have it we do not get charged full price) - it would have been $254 - crazy huh.

Basketball doesn't normally make her sick - it was just that the gym was so hot and she played too long for her current physical stamina. Normally she can play pretty close to an entire game. She had been out for a few weeks with limited physical running due to her sprained ankle. This was the first full game she played.

My older daughter went through this at one point too. She would be playing hard - come out and throw up, have some water and then go in again after a few minutes. The doctor suggested giving her ensure in the mornings when she had games so she would have nutrients but nothing that would be heavy where she would get sick. It worked for her.

This is only the few times it happened with this child - and the last time it was the first game coming off an injury - after a week of being able to run and build up again she was fine.

Honestly you see competitive athletes do this frequently. They work out so hard the puke. My friend told me how this happened with many of the hockey players her son played with they would skate running like suicides you do in basketball until many would get sick - then a week or two into the season they would have the stamina to keep up without getting sick.

In my opinion not the best way to get in shape, but you do see it with competitive athletes. If she were to continue getting sick when playing then yeah, I would have her slow down and not play so many minutes, but it so rare and it isn't anyone pushing her - she wants to go back in.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 12:32 pm
@Miller,
and just in case these are two different daughters -- one had a concussion and got the urine test; the other sprained her ankle. Tough beginning of 2016.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 12:38 pm
@Linkat,
I think that if your daughter was offended, then the coach was in the wrong. Perhaps he felt he was cheering her on, but if she didn't take it that way, then he failed badly. It might be worth a parent/coach discussion. I good coach will respond to that, a not so good coach wouldn't.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 12:51 pm
@engineer,
Well my husband already had --- he helps coaching -- and it didn't go well. There are some coaches that just want to run everything themselves and not seek advice from others.

One thing I discussed with another mom on her AAU team when we were discussing travel ball (we are on competing travel teams) - how much we dislike travel over AAU. But it is expected that you play for your town team (it is comparison to playing for your high school). The focus on travel is to win; the focus on AAU is to develop as a player even though AAU is more competitive. Yes you do try to win, but developing the players comes first. The only time that winning is taken over development in AAU is when you are playing for a state or national title and that is maybe less than a quarter of the tournaments you play in. At least on her AAU and most of them -- there are a few ones that play to win at all costs, but those are in the minority.
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 01:38 pm
@Linkat,
I realize young players are much more resilient, and athletes are used to their coaches pushing them to succeed. I'm all for striving to be better, but the throwing up concerns me. When my husband was in basic training, he talked about getting up before a run, loading down on fine Army cuisine and running till he threw his guts ups, DI's would be barking at them to get up and continue running and they would get up and run some more. But that was basic training while the Vietnam War was still raging, and I'll bet it hasn't changed much because our military still has to get into fighting shape.

Being prepared for possible battle duty is one thing, but is it really important for a regional basketball team to play on sore ankles and throwing up because the gym is too hot? Is the coach making sure the team gets enough water when they are playing? Dehydration can cause muscle cramping, fainting and if the teen has an undiscovered underlying health issue it could be more serious. (Sorry, I can't help myself, I'm Irish and we always think of the worst, first) but if the kids are healthy they probably will be fine, maybe the coach is just a little bit of a jerk. Good luck to both your daughters, I'm sure they will be fine.
Lilkanyon
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 02:00 pm
@Linkat,
Did I miss it? How old is your daughter? I got the AAU thing, Im sorry, I dont follow basketball. If she is highschool and championship is on the line, although it sounds unfair, it may be a legit "call to arms." Was she limping? In obvious pain? If so, the coach should have seen that. Sometimes stress can make a person throw up. If its not a long term issue, there is no real fear of dehydration, just maybe nerves. Your daughter sounds like the glue that holds the team together. Maybe their best player? If thats the case, the stress is even worse.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 02:18 pm
@glitterbag,
Yeah - I guess I am a little less worried because my older daughter did this frequently when she was about her sister's age now - whenever she had a game in the morning, she would play for a while get sick (it isn't like they are throwing up a lot just a little) get some water and then went into play. It got to be routine for her - we did talk to the doctor about it. I guess that is why I am not worried about it happening a couple of times to her and I can understand when it happens.

I have talked to her though about the difference of playing when you are in a little pain - ie sore muscle or something like that and playing when you are really hurt. She used to be very wimpy in that say she a had little cut where it was red - she would scream I'm bleeding or if she stubbed her toe she was in too much pain to play. Now she seems to be the other extreme.

I am more worried about her playing when she is truly hurt and hides it so she isn't taken out than her throwing up - just from taking with a doctor before and experiencing. By the time AAU tournament starts she will be back in shape and will not be getting sick any more. We have some exercises she can do to build up stamina without using her ankle.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 02:30 pm
@Lilkanyon,
She is in middle school - travel team is sort of like high school varsity but for your grade - only kids in a particular town will compete against kids in other towns - almost like an all-star team for little league - you need to try out and the best 10, 11 or 12 kids make the team. This was a playoff game that if you win you would go to the championship - she wanted to win so she hid the fact her ankle started bothering her. She wasn't limping and was not in obvious pain. Of course I am biased, so to me she is the best on the team - my guess is even unbiased she is - she plays more time than any other player when the game is on the line even the coach's daughter does not play nearly the same amount of time. And she starts every game (unless we are playing a very weak team).

AAU is different - you only play tournaments - you can be from any town even out of state - as long as you can make the practices and tournaments. Again you need to tryout and typically there are teams at various levels at each grade level. She plays for a national team which means they can travel any where in the nation to compete. Realistically they travel just along the east coast and usually because of their age and parents not wanting to spend all their money and vacation - they travel for a week long national tournament that is 10+ hours away.

So it is a much higher level of competition. So on this team she is a stronger player as she almost always starts, usually gets more playing time, however, there are 4 other players that also usually start and get a lot of playing time - so there are more players her equal or maybe a little better or perhaps just having different talents among the team.
Lilkanyon
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 02:35 pm
@Linkat,
All I can say is, make sure an outside doctor clears her to play, and specific about how much. You did say she could play a little on the ankle. That sounds like limited practice, not a game. Make sure your doctor is on the side of your daughter and her future health.
I know how you feel about the pain thing. A child never wants to disappoint their parents and capable of hiding excruciating pain. I did it when riding horses to please my parents. Just always trust when they say they are hurt, especially the unseen pain. A little cut is a cry for attention. My hubby is like that! But his biggest pains, he hides because he knows we depend on him.
0 Replies
 
Lilkanyon
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Mar, 2016 02:38 pm
@Linkat,
She sounds very important to the team. Just dont let them "RG3" her. Its not worth it.
And thank you for explaining it to me. Shes still so young, maybe a chance at college scholarship! Dont let a greedy coach ruin her future for her.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 May, 2021 12:27 pm
Ha ha reading this 5 years later - I should have trusted my instincts. If anyone looks at this with kids that are playing youth sports trust your instincts and your child's.

This actually caused my daughter to want to quit playing - this particular coach -he ruined the fun. And later ended up tearing her ACL. Ironically tearing her ACL where she was unable to play high school basketball - so she was the manager caused her to realize how much she actually loved the sport and missed playing.

Fortunately in her junior year of high school we moved her to a small private school for social reasons. She thrived there - the sports (due to the small size of the school) was not quite as competitive, but the coaches and players were much more team focused. In the end she learned to love the sport again, gain much confidence due to the positive coaching and now is going to play college basketball.

I have not read it yet, but her high school coach is also her math teacher - and the students were encouraged to write some positive words about a teacher(s) - she told me she wrote about this particular man and how much he helped her gain her confidence back and love playing.
0 Replies
 
 

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