Sun 8 Nov, 2015 12:53 pm
Conservatives in the United States have just recently got their answer to a question they'd always had trouble with - Who's buried in Grant's tomb?
Now they know - wheat.
They slap their forehead with an open palm, "So Simple!"
In a little southern town, there's a Drive-In movie theater for evangelical Christian youth. On Thursday and Saturday nights, Christian-themed inspirational films, proper Christian romances and the like are shown. Last Thursday, for example, the advertised feature was a dramatization of how the conversation might have gone if Aristotle and Jesus sat down together and discussed vaginal lubricants. (Produced by a small evangelical production company based in New Jersey - Jeezus Squeeze-us Digital).
But the theater's money-maker night is in the middle - Fear Friday! The evangelical girls slide a little closer on the bench seat.
On Thursday, they showed the trailer for Fear Friday!'s feature - The Abyss. Camera opens on a dimly lit alley. Mike Huckabee (acted by another) is being forced face-up against the rough brick wall by a cloven-hoofed goat with huge horns, it's strong thighs thrusting forward, it's hot, sulphurous breath kissing Mike Huckabee's already hot cheek.
Then Mike turns to the camera. He winks and then, speaking directly to that audience out there of young evangelical couples, "This could be you. (Pause)
"Send for my book, This Could Be You, by just phoning the number below. No long distance charges wherever you are in the Christian USA!
I know you wanna get that devil way down in the hole. In the abyss.
Bernie! you're a sight for sore eyes.
Odd times, indeed.
The expression you use is age-appropriate. If I'm to be looked at - in any interesting way - these days, those eyes doing the looking will almost certainly be sore.
It's an undeniable irony that I now, at this age, find women from 15 to 80 compellingly delectable and yet I have evidence to suggest that the age range of women who might look at me in such a manner, has long been diminishing. To get dates now, I hang out at Greyhound bus depots near old folks' homes.
Greyhound, eh. They closed it down in my last CA hometown.
I remember a Greyhound ride from San Diego to LA whence a very old woman (to me, then) proceeded to talk the whole time about the Lennon Sisters, of Lawrence Welk fame. I wasn't so outspoken back then as I am now, and suffered greatly.
That's a sad tale, my dear. As an odd coincidence, I've long had a fantasy of humping the Lennon sisters all at the same time. Isn't that something?
On another blog tonight, a fellow inquired, "Why are people frightened of the genitals?"
That question caught my attention and I answer him.
I'm not. In fact, I have made two hand puppets, one is female genitals and the other is the male genitals. I have a box as a stage and a curtain and I do little stories.
Sonny, maybe you could sell this idea. I'd be circumspect were I you in the meantime.
Latter in my life, our house was a block and a half from the Lennon's place.
Live with it!