Democratic unity: Bush-hating

Democratic unity: Bush-hating
By Jonah Goldberg

Convention week officially began with the shocking news that the wife of a little-known Midwestern governor had written a column in which she criticized the way blacks, Southerners and various Easterners speak. Christie Vilsack ?- who will be addressing the convention today with, no doubt, perfect diction ?- apparently wrote her column for something slightly more prestigious than the Food King Flier more than a decade ago.

That this "news" rocked the convention ?- albeit at a fairly low setting on the Richter scale ?- is a cautionary tale of what happens when a party is determined to deny anything approaching news from breaking out at its convention. If the Democrats will not provide copy, the media will generate their own.

Still, one must give them credit; this promises to be the most disciplined Democratic convention ever ?- which normally would be akin to saying you've found the world's tallest midget. But this year they do have their act together ?- but not because they all agree on the issues nor because they all love John Kerry. Everyone from the patchouli-soaked activists with open-toed shoes and closed minds to the button-down blue dogs are holding hands and singing kumbaya for one reason: They hate George W. Bush.

Not only is this is an odd motivation for a party that demands that "hatred" be literally outlawed (though hate crimes aimed at Republicans aren't really hate crimes ?- that's merely "speaking truth to power" or some such). Such unity is particularly shocking because nobody likes Kerry. Delegates still talk about Bill Clinton like he's family; they talk about Kerry like he's the professor of a class they never took.

It is difficult to find a Democrat or a liberal journalist who truly likes Kerry ?- and some of these people adored such human toothaches as Al Gore and Michael Dukakis. This is the unspoken secret of this convention and campaign. For more than a year, New Hampshire voters ?- who knew Kerry well ?- rejected him entirely.

It was only when Howard Dean's head exploded like one of those dudes in Scanners that they suddenly switched to Kerry because he was the most "electable," according to all of the exit polls. In other words, Democrats voted for Kerry not because they liked him, but because they thought other people would.

This is the logic of hate. It lets convention delegates who by every measure are far to the left of the mainstream of the Democratic Party, let alone the American public, cheer a candidate who has spent the past few months holding something of a fire sale on Democratic principles. According to a New York Times survey of delegates, 9 out of 10 say they think Iraq was a mistake and 5 out of 6 say the war on terrorism and national security aren't that important; yet Kerry is surrounding himself with soldiers to the point where it wouldn't be shocking if delegates were required to wear camo fatigues. Even Ted Kennedy would be hard-pressed to play a drinking game in which players had to swig every time the words "Vietnam" or "war hero" come up in Democratic speeches.

Kerry's waxing philosophic about how life begins at conception, but the activists still wear abortion-on-demand buttons. And the delegates serve as little more than an infomercial studio audience who applaud on cue, just as they would if Ron Popeil demonstrated how his new gadget makes curly fries in just a few seconds. The point of this Potemkin unity is to seduce moderates and swing voters into believing that Kerry's their guy.

The irony, of course, is that Kerry is, in fact, far more simpatico with the delegates than any Democratic nominee has been since at least Walter Mondale and perhaps George McGovern ?- that is, if you go by something as trivial as the senator's actual voting record. Besides, even if Kerry weren't the most liberal senator in the United States ?- and from perhaps the most liberal state ?- when we elect presidents, we also elect their parties to staff the government.

The real test will be to see how well the discipline holds.

Howard Dean is already throwing things at effigies of Bush, Cheney & Co. and popping the veins in his neck as if he's just about to turn into the Hulk. And Mrs. Heinz Kerry is already decrying "un-American" activities and telling journalists to "shove it" when they question the Democrats' script. The Democrats' smiley masks are doing the job, but they aren't comfortable and they come off quite easily.

Never underestimate the ability of Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

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