Dinner with kids and spouses

Ginny C

aronne47- Of course all, (including your husband) should pitch in and help.
If they don't make a move, why don't you cheerily suggest, "Hey Joe, please hand me the dishes from the table?" or "Suzy, please take all the paperware off the table and put them in the pail".

Sometimes families neeed to be "trained" to help out. After all, if you behave like a maid, and take everything on yourself, they will treat you as such!

I agree with Phoenix. I'm very surprised they haven't offered to help. Cooking for a group is a lot of work as it is, without the clean up afterwards.

Thank you both...I knew I was right, but the hubby and kids always look at me like I have two heads. When I was growing up, this was the way it always was, you at least offer, it's common curtiousy.

aronne--

Welcome to A2K--a land of liberated women.

Phoenix is absolutely right--and she's nicer to you pampered family than I would be.

My approach would be that come Wednesday instead of spending the time on dinner preparation that you get yourself all gussied up and announce to your Near and Dear that you feel like being pampered and they can pick the bistro--and pick up the check.

You're entitled.

Re: Dinner with kids and spouses


Sounds more like you have your husband and kids and their spouses over every Wednesday. How did this become the routine? Were your kids expected to help out when they were younger? Do they perceive themselves as company now? Does your husband help out when it's just the two of you?

It sounds like you need to step back from it (more than a bit). Suggest to your husband that he bbq? If everyone lives close enough to come over to your place, then maybe the Wednesday dinner could be rotated through the family? Tell them you're taking the summer off - let them figure out how to keep the get-togethers going?

As suggested above, when you want someone to help you, simply ask.

That's one sharp looking new avatar eoe. I agree with everyone. You shouldn't be expected to do everything, but unless you ask, you may never get help.

It's really nice to have family traditions and a common gathering spot. It's great that you've provided those.

However, now that everyone's an adult, I think the time has come to share the workload. I'd ask one to bring a salad, another to bring a dessert, another to bring a vegetable, your husband can barbecue (good idea, ehBeth!)...share the cooking duties. You provide the drinks, table service and coordinate the menu.

As for cleanup, whoever didn't cook gets to clean.

Tell them all that they're Big Boys and Girls now, and you need some help. It's either that or you'll have to start going out somewhere....but that family meals are much better.

Then you'll see if the tradition really means something to them, or if it's just a "free lunch."

I was going to suggest what Eva said about everyone bringing something. Then I thought maybe you could suggest switching homes every week. One week at your house, the next week at one of your childrens house, etc....

This is what was bouncing around in my brain, Eva.



If they don't want to help, does that mean the end of the tradition, or are they counting on Mom caring so much about tradition that they don't need to help out. Is Mom willing to face losing the get-together.

Family stuff is tough!

Duh! Looks like Beth already suggested what I was thinking. Sorry Beth, I missed your post somehow.

I would address the problem NOT at dinner time. I would start w/dh(who ought to be helping cook + clean up already.) Then I would address the adult kids. But I wonder, did you have your kids clean up when they lived at home? I honestly would be upset if my 5 year old didn't take his plate over to the sink and stack it, and throw his napkin away himself, then help clear the table for dessert. In fact, we wouldn't be having dessert if the table weren't cleared off in a timely manner and the dishes at least rinsed and stacked beside the sink... And once a child is 10, they help w/the washing up of the dishes... 6 year olds can wash the table off, 5 year olds can check under for anything dropped...

But I understand having other traditions: we trade off dinners once/month w/another family. When we go there, they make dinner and clean up after. When they come to bf's house(they are his friends) we serve them, and do the cleanup, but it's a reciprocal thing. Maybe if the adult kids are treating you to a night of being waited on, I canunderstand them expecting you to wait on them, but that still doesn't excuse your dh from kitchen duty...

Or, alter the tradition so that you drop in on them for dinner on Wednesday. Do not offer to help.

Well, I didn't have anyone for dinner this week...It was kind of nice to have just hubby and me...I already decided that next week I will get a large frozen Lasagna and make a salad and serve them on chinet paper plates....can't wait to see their faces.....Of course when they ask what's this about, then I will be able to tell them, until I get help picking up, this will be the way it will be....Let's see how fast they react on that note..haha...

Oh, you're really being too nice, aronne! It's not just the "picking up" part that they should be helping with. They should also help with the cooking & serving.

If being together is what matters to them, they won't care what is served, or how it is presented. If getting a special meal is what it's about, I guess you're going to have to explain to them that you're going to need their help with the prep, the serving, and the clean-up. Good going, aronne.

Hee Hee!!! That's a nice start ;-)

Are you kidding? With my mother, we would have just been in her way if we tried to help with the cooking. That was her thing, she loved it and just stay the hell out of her kitchen. Something tells me that this mom is the same.

It was understood that my mother did the cooking but everyone served themselves and then there was a clean-up crew of which she was never a part of. It was unthinkable. As it should be.

ps-thanx Cav.