refuses to set a visitation plan

Forums: Custody, Work Life Balance, Visitation Schedule, Coparenting, Relationships
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My son's father refuses to work with me to make a visitation schedule. He refuses to tell me his work schedule at his new job he started 6 months ago.

My son looks forward to time spent with his dad and I have cancelled my own plans or changed my schedule at times so my son can see him.

This separation has been difficult for my son and he has witnessed arguments and tension solely because I'm left hanging day by day on whether dad is working or not and if he will spend time with our son.

I've spent this past summer unable to make any significant plans because of everything being "up in the air" with Dad's schedule.

Part of me thinks my ex is being vague with his schedule so it will be nearly impossible for me to plan a social life of my own since the only timely my son is not with me is when he's with his dad.

After yet another argument about visitation he tells me that he is "on call" on this job. He never knows day to day when, if and how long he is working. This is the first I've heard of this "on call" status and I'm not sure I believe it.

I have not yet file for child support, but I plan to in the next couple weeks since my ex has never paid financially for our son's care since day one. My son has always lived in my home(s) and I've financially provided for him 99% of the time.

I've heard that I can request mediation through the courts to come up with a documented and agreed upon visitation schedule. Is his "on call" schedule something the court would expect me to work around or is that considered unreasonable by parenting standards?

Is it unrealistic to expect to hold down an "on call" job while trying to co-parent?

It's causing undo stress with me and especially my son. Whenever he asks when can he see his dad, I can never give him a specific answer. Many times we are home waiting for Dad's planned phone call or pickup and it never comes,because he "ended up working later than he thought."

I don't want to put his job in jeopardy, but I'm calling BS on his crazy schedule. Am I being unreasonable and should I just be happy he's FINALLY working a job or is he being unreasonable with refusing to come up with some consistency in our son's life when it comes to visitation?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 2,222 • Replies: 3

[+3] - jespah - 08/16/2015Then take him to court. I didn't have to read past your first sentence. It doesn't matter what his reasoning is, or how much either of you are trying to make things work (this behavior of his is...

@dslomba,

You're better off seeking legal advice for the State/Country you are in, as to the specifics of what you are able to do, legally.

Common sense however, would say that if your husband does not want to provide his schedule, that you go ahead and plan your social life, and let him fit into your schedule, rather than the other way around....

...once he is willing to provide his schedule, then you can look at planning, together, when his visits will be.

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@dslomba,

Then take him to court. I didn't have to read past your first sentence. It doesn't matter what his reasoning is, or how much either of you are trying to make things work (this behavior of his is the opposite of that) or want to avoid costs or whatever.

Go to family court; this is why it exists in the first place.

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@dslomba,

You should see a lawyer right away.

The fact that he is not paying child support is ridiculous. Your son deserves to have money, and you deserve it too (since you are paying for everything).

I don't think there is much you can do to force him to spend time with his son, but you can get him to pay for childcare so you can have some much needed time for yourself. Tell the judge about the crazy schedule, and the solution may be for him to pay more money for a babysitter when you need time. That sounds reasonable to me.

What generally happens is the opposite of the situation you describe. Generally it is the non-custodial parent who is eager to have a visitation schedule because he wants to spend more time with his children. If the father in your case is being a jerk, there isn't much you can do about that.

But for goodness sake, go see a lawyer and get the child support you deserve. It is easy to do, and you are guaranteed to get money. There is no way that you should be stuck paying for everything.

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refuses to set a visitation plan

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