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The Most Boring Movies You've Ever Seen

 
 
Agree2Disagree
 
  1  
Fri 2 Sep, 2005 01:20 pm
The Royal Tennanbaums, The Life Aquatic, White Noise, and there was another one I can't even remember the name of. It was English, I think and Ryan Phillippee had a small role in it. There was supposed to be a murder and there's a bunch of people as guests in a house...boring as hell. Also Eyes Wide Shut, and Unfaithful were pretty bad too.
Although White Noise wasn't necessarily boring as it was disappointing. It was supposed to be the scariest movie since the Grudge and I spent the whole effing time waiting for the scary part. Rolling Eyes
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AllanSwann
 
  1  
Fri 2 Sep, 2005 03:52 pm
Agree2Disagree wrote:
Also Eyes Wide Shut, and Unfaithful were pretty bad too.


"Eyes Wide Shut" was a disappointment, particularly as Stanley Kubrick's last long-gestated cinematic labor of love. Still....as with virtually every Kubrick movie, there was something disturbingly compelling even with "Eyes Wide Shut" and I occasionally will watch it when it rolls across the movie channel menus.
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Lightwizard
 
  1  
Sat 3 Sep, 2005 06:52 pm
You either have the connection with the visual and dialogue communication methods of Kubrick or you don't. "EWS" on several viewings grew on me and I began to discount the hiring of the two leads as a promotional stunt. Kidman is always good and Kubrick managed to draw a controlled, believable performance out of Cruise. The story discrepancies I thought I perceived on first viewing actually don't exist as Kubrick asks the watcher to interpret.
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AllanSwann
 
  1  
Sun 4 Sep, 2005 11:49 am
Once again, I agree with your movie commentary, Lightwizard. I still rate Kubrick as my favorite all-time director, notwithstanding his relatively small output of only 13 films (I believe). Even his noble so-called "failures", like "Barry Lyndon" and (to some), "Eyes Wide Shut" are still oddly compelling. And my favorites, "Dr. Strangelove", "Lolita" and "Full Metal Jacket" are just simply among the best movies ever made. On a "final" note on "Eyes Wide Shut", I always found it oddly ironic that the last words of dialogue in Kubrick's cinematic coda are "We have to F**k", uttered by Nicole Kidman to (then real and in the movie, as well) husband Tom Cruise.
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Lightwizard
 
  1  
Sun 4 Sep, 2005 01:11 pm
I've said it before and I will say it again, Kubrick's "failures" are still many points above the average fare at the multiplex.

EWS is about relationships being bonded together with carnal lust but, in reality, having too little to do with whether a couple are actually friends. Fran Leibowitz said it deftly, "You should marry your best friend, not someone just because you're attracked to their lower lip."
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maxpower hd
 
  1  
Tue 13 Sep, 2005 08:03 am
Worst
Hotel New Hampshire. We went to the movies to see it when it first came out. It was the dumbest movie I've ever seen. Actually, we walked out so I never did see the whole thing. The Royal Tennanbaums was pretty bad too.
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bendragonbrown
 
  1  
Tue 13 Sep, 2005 03:34 pm
Van Helsing was pretty bad. The plot didn't make sense, and I kept almost falling to sleep it was so dull.
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maxpower hd
 
  1  
Wed 14 Sep, 2005 06:19 am
Funny....My wife loves Van Helsing for some reason while my daughter and I both thought it was pretty lame. Go figure.
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happytaffy
 
  1  
Fri 16 Sep, 2005 11:55 am
I loved Eyes Wide Shut -- didn't think that it is boring at all. Great movie IMO -- have to think harder about this one
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blue1
 
  1  
Mon 19 Sep, 2005 05:52 am
Re: The Most Boring Movies You've Ever Seen
kickycan wrote:
I have to start out with "The Thin Red Line". I never saw the original, but the one from 1998 was absolute torture, in my opinion. I kept thinking, "How much longer can this overblown, pompous, pseudo-artistic piece of trash go on?" Almost three hours, as it turned out.



the most boring movie is Ali G 2
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Equus
 
  1  
Tue 20 Sep, 2005 01:57 pm
"The Thin Red Line" was the most boring war movie I have ever seen. It takes talent to make war boring, but they succeeded.

I just saw "The Constant Gardener". I think it wins for most boring action film ever. Good for a nap.
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Chai
 
  1  
Tue 20 Sep, 2005 03:12 pm
This is an older movie, but "Reds"

I went to see it when it came out in 1981, and sat there with with my girlfriend, and we just about died of boredom.

I know it was in 1981 because it was on TV a couple nights ago.
I thought, maybe I just didn't understand it back then.

I watched for 5 minutes and wanted to slit my wrists.
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Paaskynen
 
  1  
Wed 21 Sep, 2005 07:32 am
I didn't think the thin red line was boring, a bit overly long maybe, not the kind of film for a friday night after a tiring week, but I can think of films that are way more boring.
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Lightwizard
 
  1  
Wed 21 Sep, 2005 11:18 am
I read the book many years ago and it was engrossing. I found Terrance Mallick's film version just as engrossing but I can understand why it might not be everyone's cup-of-tea. Passkynen is right -- it is not a film that if one is only mildly perceptive to that should be seen when one is tired and sleepy. It's a good Sunday afternoon film and its intellectualism isn't the least bit phony like "Apocalypse Now." An insightful examination of what war means to the individual soldiers involved in it -- not an action flick but epic in its own way.

Ebert gave the film three stars but on his site the user rating is three-and-a-half stars. IMDb user rating is 7.2 our of 10. Janet Maslin's review in the New York Times:

'The Thin Red Line': Beauty and Destruction in Pacific Battle



By JANET MASLIN

A thrilling sense of déjà vu accompanies the lush Edenic images that provide "The Thin Red Line" with its prologue in paradise.

http://www.nytimes.com/library/film/122398redline-film-review.1.jpg



Merie W. Wallace/20th Century Fox
A scene from "The Thin Red Line," a new film by Terrence Malick set during the battle between American and Japanese forces at Guadalcanal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Even if they could be watched without knowledge of their provenance, they would be instantly identifiable as the work of Terrence Malick, whose 1970's "Badlands" and "Days of Heaven" were the most beautiful and elusive films of their time. Malick's subsequent two decades in cinema limbo may have turned him into a figure of hype-inviting mystery, but it's immediately obvious that they have not dimmed his visual genius. It's as if a familiar voice had never left off speaking as, at long last, Malick's huge new opus begins.

His intoxication with natural beauty, fused so palpably and strangely with the psychic sleepwalking of his human characters, remains exactly as it was. So does the innate momentousness that has always come so easily to Malick's filmmaking. Here is a visceral reminder of all that made his past work so hauntingly majestic, even if this movie's difficulties will soon announce themselves with equal clarity. Intermittently brilliant as it is, "The Thin Red Line" shows why being a great film director and directing a great film are not the same.

Having envisioned an adaptation of James Jones's famous Guadalcanal novel since at least 1988, Malick has had time to drift far afield of his original idea and into something hazier. Though its starting point was a book full of gut reactions and detailed particulars, Malick has moved the material to a different plane. Disjointed poetic effects and ravishing physical beauty now supplant the nuts and bolts of wartime experience, even if this film -- like "Saving Private Ryan," with which it happens so bizarrely to overlap -- depicts a military landing on a beach and a terrifying assault on a hillside bunker. For all their surface similarities, Steven Spielberg's film was about character and Malick's is about spirit.

As "The Thin Red Line" contemplates mankind's self-destructiveness, the oneness of a company of soldiers, the rape of nature and the emptiness of Pyrrhic victory on the battlefield, it leaves behind any ordinary opportunities for individuals to emerge from the fray.

Actors here, whether famous or unknown, are concealed behind helmets and grime as they move -- often wordlessly -- through the initially unspoiled landscape of this Pacific island. As filmed magnificently by John Toll (with the Daintree rain forest in Queensland, Australia, doubling for the actual site), "The Thin Red Line" seems to capture every blade of grass gloriously while also reminding the audience over two and three-quarter hours how very many blades of grass are here. Though the United States-Japanese battle played out here was one of pivotal importance during World War II, its strategic value is not really the heart of the matter here. Indeed, the fury of battle often fades away as this film's indistinct principals venture into their own private thoughts.

Hence the married man (Ben Chaplin) who faces battle thinking of his bride and reciting in typically dreamy voice-over: "Why should I be afraid to die? I belong to you. If I go first I'll wait for you on the other side of the dark waters. Be with me now." Malick can accompany even the most sentimental reveries with lofty phrasings and lovely imagery, like this man's visions of his sweetheart in summer dresses. She has purity, sensuality and lightness that would be rare in any film.

"The Thin Red Line" will as easily fascinate those attuned to Malick's artistry as it disappoints anyone in search of a plot. For all the marquee power of its stellar cast and the story's potential for high drama, remarkably little happens. As in "Saving Private Ryan," violence erupts with shocking randomness for soldiers at the battle site, but it is interspersed with meditative passages, glimpses of the island's indigenous life, and near-wordless passages propelled by the eloquent forboding of Hans Zimmer's score. The way light filters through the canopy of the rain forest means at least as much here as the specifics of battle.

Nick Nolte, giving yet another ferocious performance in his own personal banner year (he can be seen to devastating effect in next week's "Affliction"), joins Sean Penn, Elias Koteas and Woody Harrelson (whose death scene here is among the film's most accessible, wrenching moments) as stars who manage to emerge with strong personalities intact. But no one here has a role with much continuity, since the film's editing shows off the performers to such poor advantage. "The Thin Red Line" is one more film that could have been helped by excising repetition and focusing performances, but it wanders almost randomly instead. The heart-piercing moments that punctuate its rambling are glimpses of what a tighter film might have been.

Among the unfamiliar actors in a position to make their marks here, James Caviezel supplies a handsome, beatific countenance to suit his character's fervent meditations on flawed humanity. ("How did we lose the good that was given us? Let it slip away. Scattered. Careless. What's keeping us from reaching out, touching the glory?") Red-haired Dash Mihok, as the private named Doll, provides the film's strongest visual sense of battlefield chaos. And Adrien Brody plays one of the novel's major figures, Corporal Fife, virtually without a peep. Like the film's leading Johns -- Cusack as a Captain, Savage as a crazed Sergeant and Travolta, believe it or not, as a brigadier general -- he simply gets lost in the hubbub that surrounds him.

The glorious Melanesian scenes that provide both the film's divine serenity (and its signs of destruction) amount to nature photography as exquisite as it is redundant. Brilliantly colored birds, greenery in silhouette, shards of light and idyllic underwater swimming -- not to mention a soundtrack layered with sounds of the rain forest -- are among reasons to admire "The Thin Red Line" despite its habits of meandering. As was surely Malick's intent, those sensations matter as much as life or death here, to the point where they are inextricably intertwined. He brings that simple, essential message on his long-overdue return.
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wandeljw
 
  1  
Wed 21 Sep, 2005 12:06 pm
Lightwizard,

I only saw "Days of Heaven". My impression of Malick is that he is effective with the visual aspect of film but not the storytelling aspect.
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Lightwizard
 
  1  
Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:29 pm
That's always been a criticism of Malick -- some are enthralled by his visual style of storytelling, some are not. "Days of Heaven" is haunting and poignant -- truly purely cinematic (much like "2001"). "The Thin Red Line" sticks to the premise that war doesn't have "a plot." It's individual character studies, each one having its own little story.
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misshepburn
 
  1  
Sat 1 Oct, 2005 08:58 pm
- Eyes Wide Shut
- Summer Catch
- Blue Crush
- The One
- Anchorman
- The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
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Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Sun 2 Oct, 2005 03:54 am
Interesting. Personally, I found Jones's book, The Thin Red Line, more boring than Malick's movie. Jones was always too verbose for me. I was unable to finish reading Some Came Running (the script for the film, of course, had very little to do with the novel). The only exception: From Here to Eternity. Both book and movie were fine and shining moments. My only complaint about the movie TTRL was that it was over-long.
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Lightwizard
 
  1  
Sun 2 Oct, 2005 07:56 am
It could be stated that the film is overlong, especially if one isn't connecting with the characters. I found the movie one of the few that really depicted what it is like to be a frontline soldier without all the phony male maschismo. The contrast of the battle against a background of lush tropics is paradise lost. I also appreciated how the natives of the island were depicted, trying to get along with their lives while a desperate battle surrounds them. I didn't find it boring.
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Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Sun 2 Oct, 2005 05:46 pm
No, in all fairness, LW, I didn't really find it boring, either. But there came a point when I was thinking, "Good, he's made some fine points and shown some beautuiful visuals. Isn't it about time to start wrapping it up?"
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