Confused guy about his sexual orientation

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So I already read a lot of discussions in this site about this but I wanted to be helped so I'm here to tell you a bit about my story.
I'm a male, 17 yo and I've been struggling for a few years to determine wheter I'm gay, bi or straight. I understand I don't have to and sometimes it is not that acurate but still, you know what i mean, figure myself out.

Im a virgin and I've never had experiences with guys. I admit I feel more excited if I see a naked male body than a female's one but I only watch them online xD so i don't know. I notice guys around, maybe more than I notice girls. I wanna get married and have kids with a girl. when I'm in my bed for some reason I do this all the time: I lay down and to help me fall asleep I close my eyes and pretend I'm cuddling with a girl (never a guy) and I usually get horny. I get horny thinking about a girl's body but more with male ones (except in a few situations like this one). I never had a serious girlfriend cause I always get nervous and afraid that I won't like her 100%. When I'm home alone and such what triggers me to masturbate is most of the time a male body. It sexually atracts me and I feel desire to (sorry for the expression here) **** this guy (not ever being fucked by him) but never kiss him or cuddle with him or be in a relationship with him. (and I'm talking about random male figures on the internet. Sometimes I watch gay porn and I like it, more than straight porn but most of the time I watch straight porn cause I still like it (even the parts when the guy is not in the shot) and I don't feel bad after (sorry but its true).

I do wanna be sexual with a woman too, but it is something more emotional and cute and with love. With a guy I feel like i want something strictly phisical.
I have had a few girl crushes and liked a couple girls and the time I kissed a girl I felt good. nervous like any guy i guess but good. and this case I'm talking about it wasn't even a girl I liked. sorry about my words but I even grabed her butt and I liked it, truly. Never did anything with a guy. but let me tell you a story. The most 'gayest' thing that I felt for a real guy was when I was with friends and this guy was friends with a friend of mine. He came around and I met him. He seemed to be a cool guy but then I realised he was the coolest. He was different from most of the people and I really like those types of people. we talked about teenager stuff. I thought he was hot thats it. I didnt wanna date him or marry him or wtv. maybe a little urge to try something sexual but I never would. Even before he told us about his girlfriend and things. (i bet that if I was gay I would be jelous for it which I truly wasnt, I was really happy for him, she seemed to be a cute girl) One time he took his shirt off and I looked and admired his torso thats it. I think this was just a bromance thing but I felt like sharing it too just so who reads this gets a better idea.

I'm not sure wat else to share so with this info what do you think about me and my sexual orientation. I really am confused

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@ohthestruggle2015,

Have you dated anyone yet?

At your age, I'd suggest giving dating a try.

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@ehBeth,

I have, but just not for long. Im afraid I will hurt the girl or myself.
Plus most of the time I'm with girls I dont feel the urge to kiss most of them, but this also aplies to guys, although I would choose to kiss a girl. Probably I don't want to kiss them cause I'm not what they need, since I'm confused

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@ohthestruggle2015,

Dating is not a commitment to anything other than a few pleasant hours together.

If you're more comfortable, call it hanging out together.

Try hanging out with a guy, hanging out with a young woman. Nothing exclusive. Just get used to being with other people in one-on-one situations while you work out what you're interested in right now. Try things that are not associated with dates like concerts/movies/dinner. More casual things are better for hanging out.

There are many types of relationships that might turn out to be appropriate for you once you're an adult. For now, dating/hanging out is a good way to check thinks out.

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@ehBeth,

Thats a good advice, dont get me wrong on this but I have been doing that for years haha. This summer I wasn't usually at home. I was hanging out with groups, one-on-one with friends. I'm still confused. At home I feel sexualy atracted to male bodies but still also to female ones and only romatically atracted to females. But when I'm with people it almost seems like I'm assexual (which I'm pretty sure I'm not)

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@ohthestruggle2015,

Are there any groups at your local schools where you can talk about your confusion? A friend of mine is the teacher/mentor for a group locally, and the students really seem to find it helpful to talk about this with her and each other.

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@ehBeth,

Don't think there is. And to be truthful I don't feel confortable talking about this to people

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@ohthestruggle2015,

Sounds like you're bisexual. My gay friends used to call me confused. I loved men and girls were a side thing. Now that I'm older my tastes have changed and I am attracted more to women and not men. When it comes to being gay, I'm confused about if I'm butch or fem. IDK. confused? Join the crowd.

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@geekgroupie,

Thank's for being so nice hahaha. Nothing else you can add about my situation?

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You are probably more bi-curious than anything. You don't have enough experience with either guys or girls to make a decision about your sexual preference. Right now, all you are doing is having sexual thoughts.

Please get off the computer and the porn sites and interact with real, live people.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

hahaha Thanks for the guess. I do interact with real live people, just almost never in a sexual way if you get me. When I'm with someone I don't ussually feel a lot of atraction (either romantically or sexually) and that is why I probably don't have a lot of experience. Its not that I never want it, it is just a strange thing that when I'm with other people I almost feel pressured (even with friends, good friends) so I automatically turn off. When I'm by myself I do have those sexual thoughts you've mentioned, so I don't think that I'm in a situation where I don't want to be with anyone but rather that something is stoping me, that thing is probably something in me, its probably cause I'm afraid, any thoughts about this?

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@ohthestruggle2015,

What kind of pressure do you feel? To do what?

Don't feel as though you have to do anything.

These "thoughts" are harmless - fantasy, exciting - but don't feel as though you need to live up to what happens in the porn you are watching. That's not real - it's ACTING.

Our culture is over-sexualizing everything. Youngs person think they must act out sexually with each other. If you are running with a crowd that thinks sex is a casual act, then perhaps you need to change social groups.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

You know like you feel pressured to choose a side, either one or the other, or both i guess. My friends are actually pretty cool and I hang out with most virgin people haha, some of the ones who aren't have had bf or gfs for like over a year, I think my crowd is pretty ok .

I would just like to add that besides theses thoughts I'm almost left with nothing in real life. When I'm with people I dont usually feel desire or wtv for any of the genders. But the problem here is that I feel more sexually atracted towards the male gender, but not totally turned off by the female, but I think I can only love and be in a serious relationship with a girl

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@ohthestruggle2015,

How I labelled myself at 17 wasn't how I labelled myself then at 19, 21, 22, and now at 44. Smile

It changes. Consequently, as I do now I simply describe myself as 'sexual.' The concept of fixed genetic sexual orientations was thought up by a lunatic german in 1882 where his orientaiton was the normal acceptable one, and everyone else's was a mental disorder. So take the idea of sexual orientations with an entire shaker of salt. Smile

Can experiment sexually with guys, decide you don't like it and be 'heterosexual.' Without experimentation you'll never know for sure if that's your 'thing.' Similarly, you may think it's a good fit (so to speak hehe) for you right nw, and in 10 years change your mind.

But ultimately, how we define our sexuality seems more about other people than the one with the label. It's like something people use to convince themselves their thing is normal, and other peoples' thing is abnormal. It's the whole us vs them mentality. "I'm this, and you're that. But my thing is the majority and thus normal, your thing is the minority and thus abnormal."

But in fact that the normal and abnormal have coexisted all along reveals the reality - both are just as normal despite popularity.

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@ohthestruggle2015,

You are still young and confused. In time you will find out whether you are gay, straight or bisexual. It is just a case of trial and error but don't rush into anything. I was confused about my sexuality up until the age of 25. Before that I was having sex with girls but I always felt something was missing until I made love with a man. After he left I broke down and cried, not from regret but from relief because I suddenly realized I was gay. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

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Confused guy about his sexual orientation

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