Nation's Liberals Suffering From Outrage Fatigue

WASHINGTON, DC?-The nation's sweeping new gun-control legislation is the result of a confidence trick pulled on President Bush by a devious rabbit, White House sources said Tuesday. The "Coney Act," which Bush signed into law Monday, prohibits the sale or ownership of handguns and semi-automatic weapons and enacts harsh penalties for the hunting of small game, most notably rabbits.


Above: Reporters confront Bush about his recent bamboozling by a devious rabbit (below).
"The gun ban is not the result of a change in the Republican Party's position on gun ownership," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) said. "It is the product of a fraud perpetrated by a conniving rabbit, perhaps as an elaborate ruse to avoid being eaten by the president, who is much bigger and stronger than he. Through the use of quick wits and cunning, not physical strength, that dang rabbit got the best of the president."

When he heard about the bill, Frist said he "immediately questioned its authenticity" and informed the president that its author, a "Senator Lepus H. Coney," was not an elected Alabama legislator.

At a press conference Tuesday, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan related the story of Bush's encounter with the rabbit, whom the president met in the White House's famed Rose Garden, where the rabbit was trespassing.


"Now, dat ole rabbit, he knew Pezziden' Bush had it in fo' him after he seed him lopin' about in his best rose bushes ez sassy ez a jackdaw," McClellan said. "Sez Pezziden' Bush, sezee, 'I'm gwine ter settle yo' hash, ole Rabbit. I best not cotch you in my rose patch agin, or I'll fill yo' britches wit buckshot.'"

McClellan said that the rabbit, fearing for his life, devised a plan.

"Ole Rabbit got ter studyin' on da problem," McClellan said. "He knew his letters, so he tuck up some paper an' a pen an' commenced scratchin' away. Bimeby, he had hisse'f a right pert mess o' papers, an' so he spreaded 'em out 'pon Pezziden' Bush's writin' desk. Den he set hisse'f down on Pezziden' Bush's fanciest settin' chair es if he wuz borned to it, an' he smoked a seegyar, no less."

According to McClellan, when Bush spotted the rabbit in his chair in the Oval Office, he was "madder'n a yaller jacket."

"Pezziden' Bush sez, sezee, 'What you t'ink dis is yer, a frolic? I'm fetchin' mah shotgun dat da NRA done give me special fo' bein' pezziden','" McClellan said. "Sez da rabbit, sezee, 'Hol' up dar, Pezziden' Bush. I wuz wonderin' if'n you could settle a li'l wager 'twix' me an' ole Mr. Tarrypin.'"

According to McClellan, the rabbit then described the terms of the wager between himself and the tortoise.

"'It be my hide or his shell‚' sez da rabbit, sezee," McClellan said. "Sez da rabbit, 'Ole Mr. Tarrypin, he sez dat da Pezziden' O' Da Newnited States so thick he kin scarce sign his own name. 'Course, I don' beleeve him, but ter settle da matter I got ter see it fo' myself.'"

Outraged by the accusation, Bush took the rabbit's bait and signed the bill sitting on his desk.

"Bimeby, folks discovered dat, kaze o' Ole Rabbit's monkeyshines, guns wuz now banned all over Creation," McClellan said.

According to FBI sources, the cottontail rabbit is believed to have been born in the Deep South, and often employs deception as a means of self-preservation. Known to have outsmarted such adversaries as a fox, a wolf, and a bear, the rabbit is also believed to have tricked U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) into thinking that the sun was still down so that the animal could swipe vegetables from his refrigerator in May. The rabbit is also the prime suspect in the infamous April incident in which U.S. Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) lodged her head in the knot of a persimmon tree.

"Bless gracious, honey, now don' you fret none 'bout dat rabbit," McClellan said, in response to questions about the animal's current whereabouts and whether he poses a public threat. "Marse [Robert] Mueller'll tuck keer o' him, sho'. He gots his best field hands a-seerchin' high an' low fo' da ole scamp. I 'speck they'll tree him sho' 'nuff."

Rumors that the FBI is constructing a tar baby to catch the rabbit could not be confirmed at press time.

Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2003 09:05 Post: 348891 - Just what is it with the Democrats ... a deathwish?

This is just my take on the current state of political affairs, but I sense The Democrats have lost touch with The American People. Sure, the Campaign Season is barely a week old, and the first primaries and caucauses are months away, but I am struck by the two facts that two thirds of Americans can't name a Democratic Candidate, and that over half the registered Democrats polled recently prefer "None of the above" when given the task of making a choice from among the current plethora of candidates. The leaders among the candidates pull numbers barely into the 'teens. The decrease in Bush the Younger's poll numbers does not translate into gains for the Democrats. The Democratic Party itself has lost the interest of The Electorate. The issues and values they have siezed are not those embraced by the majority of the population. Rescinding Bush the Younger's tax cuts is a non-starter. The attempt to play the Administration's tax policies as "Class Warfare" is broadly "Ho-Hummed" by the majority of folks, who seem to understand that tax relief and tax incentives apply by definition to those who pay taxes. More "Working Poor" have been pushed below the newly raised minimum tax line since the tax cuts went into effect than at any time in our country's history ... thus shifting even more of the tax burden to those in higher income brackets ... "The Rich" now pay a greater proportion of taxes than they did before the tax cuts which the Democrats claim "Favor the rich". The Democrats characterize what is arguably the swiftest, most decisive, most humane military victory in human history as a "Failure". The Democrats are pro-choice ... as long as that choice doesn't involve prayer, the Pledge of Allegiance, keeping sex in the bedroom, gun ownership, sport-utility vehicles, the wearing of fur, or choosing to send one's children to private schools with the aid of public funds. The Tolerant Democrats are tolerant of any viewpoint not in conflict with their own ... anyone espousing traditional family values, a well-funded military, a proactive foreign policy stance, environmental regulations which do not cripple infrastructure expansion, exploitation of renewable resources, or domestic energy production, securing our borders and cracking down on illegal immigration, adhering to The Constitution and The Bill of Rights, or removing racially preferential quotas is a nazi, a bigot, a racist, or an anti-progress reactionary. The People just ain't buying any of that. Apart from the activists within the Democratic Party, nobody is giving today's Democratic Party much credence at all.

Now, I could be wrong about some or all of this; its just my opinion, after all. I just don't see any evidence to the contrary, no matter how the most ardent Democratic supporters try to spin things. Hammering on the "Failure" of an obviously, and accelleratingly, improving economy does the Democrats no service at all. Characterizing The War on Terrorism and the intervention in Iraq and Afghanistan as a series of failures flies in the face of fact. Claiming Iraq has become a "Vietnam-like quagmire", and that the war was founded on "Lies", is simply unsupportable, and only alienates the populace at large to the bearers of that message. Shrillness and vigor lend no substance to an argument. The Democrats are in denial, as far as I can see, and in decline. Failure to recognize and address this situation can only result in a generation or two of increasingly conservative American administrations. The Democrats today are their own worst enemy.

Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2003 11:40 Post: 362283 -

Scrat, I think Bernie was on to something there. His observation re the insularity of The Liberal Media seems apt. I notice a sort of condescending, patronizing manner from talking heads conducting small-town man-in-the-street or redneck-in-the-coffeeshop interviews, for example ... a bit of scorn, tempered with evident pity ("its not their fault their poor and ignorant"). I attribute this perceived sense of elitism to the rigors of obtaining the education typically required for a carreer in The Media. The poor sods are cloistered for years in the artificial confines of the Arts and Humanities departments of Academe, daily subjected to the rants and harangues of the now aging tenured twits who've remained shut behind the ivy-shrouded walls since they discovered, in the 'Sixties, that the world is a mean, nasty place full of pragmatic conservatives and feckless moderates, with whom there is no way to meaningfully interact on an intellectual basis ... hell, some of those folks out there in Middle America even sweat when not wearing gym outfits ... and do it every day, with some sort of insane pride ... how rude.

Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2003 21:40 Post: 495098 -


And then there's

Quote:

Ralph Nader mulls another run at the presidency


By Maria Recio
Knight Ridder Newspapers



WASHINGTON - Ralph Nader, whose campaign for president in 2000 arguably tilted several close states- and victory - to George W. Bush, is considering another run.

I'm not counting on Ralphie, though, no matter how pleasantly amusing the thought; the Left can't possibly be that disingenuous. Again.


Can they?

Claiming Iraq has become a "Vietnam-like quagmire", and that the war was founded on "Lies", is simply unsupportable, and only alienates the populace at large to the bearers of that message. Shrillness and vigor lend no substance