Is my 17 year old daughter considered weird?

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She never goes out at night to be with her friends. Not even Friday or Saturday night.
She always talks and plays with her younger sister who is 7 years younger than her.
She always looks away from the T.V. when there's a kissing scene or even a hint of sexual situation.
When asked if she is ever going to have a boyfriend, she says she wants to finish high school and college education before even considering having a relationship.

As parents, my wife and I pretty much let my daughter make decisions on her own and just tell her to stay in school and stay out of trouble. She has been taking advance courses in high school and making the grades.

Are we doing okay as parents?

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Type: Discussion • Score: 10 • Views: 1,012 • Replies: 12

[+7] - hawkeye10 - 07/05/2015When we have our first kid or two we often get caught up in measuring how well they reach the benchmarks,,,,first roll over, first crawl, first word..... Usually we learn to stop being worried,...

@Jeremiah,

Quote:

She always looks away from the T.V. when there's a kissing scene or even a hint of sexual situation.

This is a little troubling for a 17 year old.

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Without knowing the girl, we cannot say much, but she sounds OK to me.

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@Jeremiah,

Jeremiah wrote:

She never goes out at night to be with her friends. Not even Friday or Saturday night.
She always talks and plays with her younger sister who is 7 years younger than her.
She always looks away from the T.V. when there's a kissing scene or even a hint of sexual situation.
When asked if she is ever going to have a boyfriend, she says she wants to finish high school and college education before even considering having a relationship.

As parents, my wife and I pretty much let my daughter make decisions on her own and just tell her to stay in school and stay out of trouble. She has been taking advance courses in high school and making the grades.

Are we doing okay as parents?

The grass is always greener. Sounds like she knows what she wants. Things could be far worse so why are you worried about it. Besides there is no such thing as good or okay parents. Parents will always cause some kind of psychological impact on their children regardless of what they do. It can be either a positive one or a negative one. Just be glad you are on a more positive side with this one. There is a cost for everything and every choice. She will determine later if the choices she made were right for her.

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@Jeremiah,

She sounds like every parents dream.

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@Jeremiah,

Quote:

she wants to finish high school and college education

Quote:

She has been taking advance courses in high school and making the grades

She's career orientated that is her priority not boys, picket fences, married at 21.

She is going to go places, encourage her and commend her.

Just because we have a child, does not mean that they turn out like us, they are their own individual beings, our job is to encourage them to achieve what ever it is they want out of life.

Quote:

As parents, my wife and I pretty much let my daughter make decisions on her own

Quote:

Are we doing okay as parents?

Be proud.

BUT, please do not label your daughter "weird" just because she doesn't want a boyfriend, rather a career.

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Maybe you daughter senses you are anxious for her to have a boyfriend and that's why she doesn't want to watch romantic scenes with you. Unconsciously you may be watching too closely for her to be "affected" or "inspired" by kissing or other romantic scenarios.

You could be the one making her uncomfortable because you are telegraphing your expectations. I don't know if that's the case, but the way you describe it I don't think I'd want that kind of pressure.

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There is nothing to worry about here, and everything to celebrate. My own daughter was just like this, even earlier in her teens. Someone said she was "thirteen going on twenty-eight". She had what is sometimes called an old head on young shoulders. Even as a teenager adults used to ask her for advice and it was always sensible. She knew exactly what she wanted to do - look after people. At 16 in her school summer vacation she got a work placement in an old peoples home and decided to go to nursing college after school. She took it seriously, worked hard, and is now (20 years later) a psycho-geriatric nurse manager and trainer, and very well regarded professionally. She is also raising four sons.

My daughter also used to turn away from kissing scenes in movies, and indeed sloppy kissy stuff in general, not because she was embarrassed, but because she found girly romance stuff stupid. She still hates rom-coms. That attitude did not stop her getting married and having a family and a notably happy marriage (18 years so far).

I have noticed that most of the people who said things similar to me in this thread have been voted down, some more than once. It would be better if people who disagreed with an answer actually said why, instead of hiding behind the voting system.

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@Tes yeux noirs,

Tes yeux noirs made a good point. Sometimes people the OP's daughters age (during teen years) get silly and maybe your daughter likes to avoid situations that she doesn't enjoy. Boys and Girls get a little nuts when they are on their own, and she just might prefer to opt out.

She sounds fine to me, I'm guessing no tattoos, odd piercings or unplanned babies. Looks like she understands herself and has a developed sense of timing. Be grateful she's taking it slow.

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@Jeremiah,

When we have our first kid or two we often get caught up in measuring how well they reach the benchmarks,,,,first roll over, first crawl, first word.....

Usually we learn to stop being worried, to let them go at their own pace, only checking to make sure that they are healthy and happy.

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@Jeremiah,

She's not weird.
Embrace her unique qualities

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@Jeremiah,

Jeremiah wrote:

She never goes out at night to be with her friends. Not even Friday or Saturday night.
She always talks and plays with her younger sister who is 7 years younger than her.
She always looks away from the T.V. when there's a kissing scene or even a hint of sexual situation.
When asked if she is ever going to have a boyfriend, she says she wants to finish high school and college education before even considering having a relationship.
...
Are we doing okay as parents?

All these could be indicative of something deeper or nothing at all. It could just be your daughter's level of developing social and emotional maturity or it could be her unique personality.

Continue supporting her emotionally and intellectually. Let her know if she ever needs to talk about anything that's troubling her that you'll do your best to be supportive and nonjudgemental.

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@Jeremiah,

You'd rather she was going out on weekends doing who knows what? With who knows whom? Think you might be the weird ones here. Smile

More seriously, the way you describe her is possibly worrying. It's what one would expect from someone who was sexually abused or assaulted. Not going out, playing with younger children as if to recapture that innocence, aversion to sexual intimacies, etc.

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Is my 17 year old daughter considered weird?

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