McCain Dares Putin to Tear Down Berlin Wall

CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Borowitz Report)—Just hours after the United States Senate voted to reverse key provisions of the Patriot Act, former President George W. Bush said that he regretted that the law had been partially repealed before he ever got a chance to read it.

“At the time when it was being passed and whatnot, people around the White House were saying it was a really good law,” Bush said at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. “I remember saying to myself, ‘I really need to read that.’ ”


Bush said that right after he signed the Patriot Act into law, “I wrote on a little Post-It note, ‘READ PATRIOT ACT.’ So it was definitely something I was meaning to do. But I guess it was one of those things I never did get around to.”

Now that the law has been partially reversed, Bush said, “I suppose it’s a little late in the game to start reading it,” but he indicated that he still “might check it out just to see what all the fuss was about.”

“I think they have it down at my Presidential library, so maybe one of these days I’ll set aside some time and read it,” he said, before adding, “Ha ha, who am I kidding? That’s not gonna happen.”

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