Oral Sex and Parenting

Lash: We're in agreement on the cause of the rise in popularity, but we'll be hard pressed to convince few of that around here.

All aspects of sex should be discussed prior to needing to, and unfortunately that is getting earlier and earlier.

I'm thinking 4th or 5th Grade, if appropriate.

4th or 5th grade would have been too late when i was in 5th grade. I knew kids who were having sex already. I'm in my mid-40's and none of this is new. It just didn't seem to hit the media back in the 60's and 70's.

I think there's never an easy time to have all the necessary 'talks', but they are necessary.

My daughter asked me how the sperm got to the egg, having already learned that the mom makes a 'nest' in the body to recieve the growing baby. When I told her about the man's role, she completely glazed over. Even though she's nine and asked, she wasn't ready for that piece of info.

I think a lot of pre-pubescent kids are being exposed to things they aren't ready for, and as was said previously on this thread, have become sophisticated without becoming mature. That's the problem.

ehbeth:

Do you think kids in Catholic school practice oral sex on the school bus or in the school bathrooms?

I think kids learn about sex primarily from each other and are not influenced by what the president does or doesn't do. When kids arrive at puberty, they are ready to learn and will, no matter the efforts of the parents. Parents should be around to talk to their kids, to look for signs of potential problems and be ready to make decisions about how to handle any difficulties that arise during this difficult time. And schools should have an excellent sex education component at age appropriate times. But no amount of protection will ever change the fact that kids will learn by experience. The best we can do as parents, I believe, is do a good job very early. Teach our kids to value life and relationship, to love and control destructive emotions and behaviors at an early age by example. Talking to a child is never as effective (if effective at all) as teaching by doing. Kids know how they have been treated, what it feels like to be honest and close with other people, or to not have been. But even kids who have grown up in homes in which closeness and love have predominated, will still come in contact with less fortunate kids and be influenced by them.

It's how we are with our children that makes a difference in the ability of our children to make good decisions in the face of destructive situations that will inevitably come up for them. And what the president does or doesn't do has almost no impact at all. It's not when a child has to be told about oral sex, it's how the child is told that makes it possible for that child to feel comfortable enough within her/himself to manage whatever comes their way.

From a medical perspective, I think it critical to talk to kids about the STDs which may be transmitted via oral sex.

Lola, that was well said, thank you. You're so right about how we, as loving parents and good examples have more influence than by what we say. Unfortunately, many kids are left too much on their own, and are more influenced by media (the president would fit into that category for a kid), and their peers because that's their main point of reference. They're the ones more likely to indulge in risky behavior.

I agree Dream, the kids at risk at the ones left hanging with no one to help them.

On the positive side ... (cause I think this has to be added, considering the emphasis on indignation so far) ... when I read about teen girl magazines nowadays providing detailed instructions on how best and easiest to masturbate, or how to give a good blowjob; when I hear how teenage kids get to practice the condom thing at school on realistic-looking model objects - I am astounded but also plain jealous.

I am only 31, but when I was 16, I really didn't have a clue. My parents had progressive ideas about how to raise children, but were from just before the sexual revolution themselves, and somehow never quite got themselves to include sex in the inform-early and encourage-independence equation. Sexual education at school was only about the technical side of things - the whole reproduction angle - plus some gratuitously distributed anti-aids leaflets.

I didn't know where and how exactly to touch a girl let alone how to give her an orgasm, for example. As for safe sex, it was only when my gf stayed over for the third or fourth night that my mother asked, "you are doing it safe, aren't you?" I thought that was pretty late, though in fact it was way in time. I still feel a bit guilty towards my first two girlfriends for just having stumbled along in the dark - and they couldnt or didnt dare to tell me much either. Only the gf's after that - but by then you're talking age 22, 23 onwards - told and taught me all (or: much of what) I need to know.

Apart from the wholly natural oh-my-god and is-this-really-healthy? reactions that I have just like you all do, I am actually also quite proud when I read that 16-year olds nowadays seem not to need to be told much anymore at all, when it comes to how their body works, what can be done with it and what should be watched out for. I do agree with New Haven that the safe sex angle just needs to be repeated and repeated over and again, though.

Most teens want to & do fufill their sexual desires -- regardless of what they have been taught by their parents. Oral sex is not demeaning, & with protection (condom or a dental dam) it is a safe, fun way to explore each other's bodies. I would know... I am a 15 year old female... so I would know... & I'm only speaking the truth here. Parents, you may not want to hear this: but we are going to please ourselves & each other no matter how much parents try to scare us.

foXyroXy, you aren't the first kid to figure this out, and your folks weren't either. Neither were mine, nor theirs as far back as you wish to go. Its new to you, but it ain't new. Damned little is. And it will be less new yet when YOUR kids get there. And they will. Just be patient.

"The youith of today dress and behave immodestly, have no respect for their elders, nor regard for their own future"
Socrates

Not all 15 year olds are ready for sex. Some aren't ready some years later, while others may be ready a few years earlier. Some will abstain, and some will not. If they understand all of the pros and cons of sex before marriage, at least they go into it with some knowledge. Parents only have a responsibility to make sure their kids understand what sex is all about, and they practice safety in everything they do. c.i.