I am reading all of this and huge red flags crop up....
My fiance loves his son and we are both involved because we are going to be married in less than 4 months and I've been trying to be supportive this entire time but it's bullshit what the mother is doing to her child
Do not get married - you have so many unresolved issue - it is not the child's fault that his mom has issues - the poor thing do you not have any thoughts for him?
And I know that most of society says the children have to come first but that's wrong.
Why is it wrong? A child cannot care for himself - it does not mean you do not care for each other as a couple, but you can take care of yourself can you not?
The love between a couple and the marriage has to come first and then you care and love for your kids. I know he's not mine but I try to love him as so.
If you loved this child you would not ask your future husband to choose between the two of you - you would be there fighting for him no matter how difficult the mom is and what you are put through.
Kids should be a top priority in life, no doubt, but they should not be number one. That's why we have a generation of spoiled brats and couples who find they have nothing in common and break up after the kids are gone.
No this is not true - if kids are your top priority - you do not spoil them as you want them to grow up to be contributing adults; you want them to be successful -- making them a priority does not mean that you spoil them - it means you care for them and teach them to be independent adults. It also does not mean you neglect your marriage and commitment to each other.
I'm not saying he shouldn't take care of his kids but I'm saying that after 2 failed marriages (one cheated and walked out on him, one is this woman who cheated less than a month after they were married and accused him and his son) and another failed relationship (also cheated and walked out on her 1yr old son) all of them resulting with kids,
This is also a worry - two failed marriages and you are rushing into marrying him in 4 months while there are all these major issues in his life? That is plain old dumb - ready for a 3rd failed marriage? He needs to resolve what is going on in his life before he makes another lifelong commitment to someone else. You may not want to hear it but this sounds like another doomed marriage. Marriage is hard enough when things are going well - but here you are starting out on about as a bad a foot as you can.
she is the only one who makes our life hell because of the type of person she is. Do we not have the right to try to be happy when we've both found the one? Do I not have a right to not be harassed and threatened and treated like **** and be able to love the man I'm going to marry?
Yes you have a right to be happy; yes you have a right to not be harassed and threatened -- but that is not the situation; you have to deal with what you have --- you are about to be married to a man that is dealing with a really bad situation. Not fair for you; not fair for him; certainly not fair for an innocent young child - but it is. If you marry him - this is going to exist you can't just dump the child so you can have all the happiness that you may deserve. This is life - it isn't always fair.
In a perfect world we could make it work somehow but the system is broken and she's so used to being fake because of being bipolar that she manipulates people and lies to make herself feel better. I have a right to be happy and so does my fiance and I deserve to not be treated like **** by random strangers and a woman who hates me for... whatever her excuse is (because she's honestly never really even talked to me). I don't want to make him give up on his son but I don't know what else to do. There's no reasoning with this woman and the cops won't do their job half the time and everyone treats us terrible because they listen to her bullshit. The only way to stop playing her game is to give up.
And if that is how you feel - you may need to walk away from him - I am not being mean or even think you are wrong either way - it isn't easy; it might be best no matter how much you love him to walk away. You need to decide for yourself if you are up for this. To be honest it sucks and I feel for you - but the last thing I would recommend is for this man to give up his child.