Strong-willed three year old son

I do not believe in punishment for not going potty.He will one day learn,but on his own time ,with some coaxing and lots of love and hugs! Take him potty every time you go.Keep pull ups on him until he feels more confident with himself if you do not want to wash underwear daily.

Tell him he has to change his own underpants if he wets them?

I liked the part where you used the phrase "Big boy underwear." 'Hope that helps.

Sounds familiar. Shortly after he turned three, I made a big deal of taking my boy to Wal-Mart and letting him choose his own "big boy underwear." I told him I thought MAYBE he was big enough to wear them, but I wasn't sure. He wanted the Batman ones. Bad. I kept saying, "Well, I don't know...you may not be big enough yet." So then he tried VERY hard to convince me that he was, too, big enough! Finally I gave in and agreed to buy one package, and one package only...just to TRY. He was so proud when we got home and he showed them to Dad! He couldn't WAIT to put them on! Then I told him, "Look, there's only three pair here, so if you get all of those wet, you'll have to go back to Pull-Ups." He was SO determined to wear his Batman underwear that he only had three accidents in the first week, and very, very rarely after that. Worked like a charm!

My husband and I talked about it last night and decided to just back off some. I told him about letting him change his own underpants and he thought that was a good idea. I also showed my husband some websites that said a child may regress if punished for accidents. I hope that will help...daddy's strong-willed too! :wink: Hopefully one day he will decide on his own, I'm just afraid he's getting used to the fact that Mommy will make it better so why try.

Oh and Eva, that is a great idea, if it's a kind he REALLY likes maybe he'll be more careful. Worth a try! Thanks!

Make him BEG for them, irishlady! The more he wants them, the better it'll work.

Irishlady--

I wouldn't call your kid "strong willed" right now. I'd call him unhappy. New babies are very unsettling. Not only does he have to share mommie, he's lost nursery school.

Wetting his pants is a way of saying that he's a time-consuming baby too.

I agree with the ceremonial shopping for Big Boy Pants--if possible without his little sister. Are you reading to him yet? Big Boys can understand stories that go right over Baby Sisters' Heads. Any chance for some private male time with his father? Catch? Washing the Car? Moving heavy furniture? Togetherness in emptying their bladders?

He's lost his only child position and its up to you and to his father to prove to him that being a Big Brother has lots and lots and lots of advantages.

Good luck. The green eyed monster is hell to live with, particularly for a three-year-old who would rather be loving and cooperative. Needy children are the hardest to love--and the ones who need love most.

Oh, Noddy is right! I only have one child, so I missed that completely.

What's interesting is that your son does well at daycare, but not at home. Why do you suppose?

That's common, Miller. Has to do with a lot of things that are not nefarious -- for example, kids will often express their conflicted emotions where they feel most comfortable, and they usually feel more comfortable at home rather than daycare.

I would conclude, if I may, that the little boy does better in his toliet training at school, because his sister isn't there. When at home, he has to compete with his sister, be in conflict, seek Mother's attention and to get Mom's attention, has problems with his toliet training.

It's not mutually exclusive. He's conflicted about the new sister (I agree with Noddy 100%, almost said so, then decided I'd reached my quota of posts consisting entirely of "I completely agree with Noddy" for this month ;-)), and that is coming out at home more than at daycare for a few reasons.

My point is that it does not reflect badly on irishlady's parenting if the child does better at daycare than at home.

Change, ANY change, is not a toddler's friend. (Note, change here is not just new sister but drastic change in routine.) When change occurs, the toddler takes control of whatever can be controlled -- in this case, NOT going in the potty.

I'm so glad you don't believe in punishing a child for wetting. I think it can be very harmful to his little psyche.

I'd take two weeks off from concern over peeing--but make very positive comments about a friend's child--or a friend of your child, who has had recent success.

Tell your child in passing conversation you would be so excited when your child finally decides to wear big boy underwear, you may throw him a party. A Now I'm A Big Boy Party. Just talk about it. If it seems to garner great interest--agree to do it. Meanwhile, supply the necessary items daily for independant peeing, but don't make him sit on the potty or do any coaxing. Just talk about what kind of party he'd like from time to time--planning. Don't plan anything you won't do.

Tell him you love him (and ask dad to) no matter when he becomes a big boy. I think negative reinforcement is bad, and positive, in this case, is good. You may want to ask if he thinks he can help his sister learn how to use the potty when she's old enough. You can use a babydoll and a potty, and mimic the baby getting the urge, pulling down the panties, and sitting on the pot. Be a silly nut and celebrate for the baby when the deed is done. Dr Phil uses something like this--and it has had great success. It gives the child a way to see your great reaction to success before they actually have their own success. Most kids want to see mom and daddy celebrate them in nutty fashion.

I never pressured my children. Son was ready at 3, daughter, 2. The pressure you feel (from schools, other parents), IMO, makes you pressure your child. I think this is a stupid societal thing, which has no value--and can hurt our children.

Good luck!

I think another reason kids are better going potty at school is the fact that the other kids do it there as well.

What's your daily schedule like, Irishlady?

Thanks so much for all the advice. Brother does so well with sister and we have really talked it up about how he's the best big brother, even including him on helping with her, but I guess it has affected him. Maybe he thinks this is the only way to have one on one time with me! I worried so much when I was pregnant that he would feel neglected and now it seems like I don't have enough hours in the day! I'm going to make sure we spend quality time just the two of us everyday. She naps good so that's the perfect time. Daddy works 12 hour swing shifts so he doesn't get the time he would like to have with him. We have noticed lately when daddy goes to the potty brother will follow and pee with him. He wants to be like daddy, he advised me the other day and I could gp potty with him, just stand beside him and use it
Thinking about it though, he does get alot of "in a minute" and "when I finish with sister". I feel like a dog I've been worried about him not being in nursery and having friends to play with,but I need to concentrate on our time together!

My neice is 4.5 years and my nephew is 6.5 months. I see my neice, who is a great big sister, also reacting to the loss of mama-time with my sister. Recently, my nephew learned to sit up on his own and play by himself for small stretches of time. This has given their parents more capacity to focus on his big sister. She still hasn't quite been adequately filled-up with mama-time.

He is actually in here with me now and instead of me looking at it like he won't go to bed I see it as I want your attention!!

go read a book to him in bed....?