me and her

here we go.. me and this woman from the start got on very very well.. great even.. would be on the phone for hours.. every night.. was like routine.. 3 to 4 hours at a time.. she was like a female version of me and vice versa.. knew almost everything and our pasts about each other we was very comfy with each other and open.. we had a date.. meal then hers for coffee.. nothing more.. just chat.. it was great... time went by things was said.. she would say things like im to good to be true.. incredibly sweet etc.. id compliment on her too.. she is a amazing woman though.. not come across a woman like her and the way she made me laugh like she did.. and the banter too.. that was a bonus.. couple weeks ago her grandad died.. i support her.. with words on the phone or messages.. to show and let her know im there for her.. she was quiet for a couple of days due to her loss.. which was understandable.. it was valentines week that week.. i did it a day early on a friday has i forgot her house number so i sent flowers and chocolates to her work.. she loved it and said theres many jelous women at her work and it was the best thing anyone has done for her.. i was suprised myself about that.. came valentines day.. i saw her again which i didnt expect atall.. spent the night with her till sunday.. was snuggled and held hands all not has she was cold and some kisses in there too.. even while going to sleep it carried on too.. before all this she has told me what she wants.. in general and that someone and maybe more kids too.. we departed on that sunday.. i hugged her kissed her.. goin home i text her asking where we go from here.. because i didnt know.. she ignored that.. and just asked me how long it took to get home.. we was still fine through out the days messaging each other.. came to monday.. all i had was a message saying morning.. i replied a few times that day and didnt hear nothing back.. my messages wasnt even read.. tuesday i did another method of messaging to her via text and not messaging app.. i had a message cut short... shes not ready for a relationship and shes not there at the moment.. to be i thought in the mind or head has in the moment she aint there.. grandads passing maybe? but being distant and how good we were at the weekend got my mind in over drive.. did i do anything or didnt do anything wrong.. i needed a answer or two.. but when she told me about not ready for a relationship and after when i knew different from her mouth.. its two different answers there alone.. i was all this over the weeks.. she was very keen for sure.. met a few times.. phone calls all the time.. all this time we was close she didnt once be on dating sites.. for least a month.. and now she is and has we speak.. before anyone says.. are u on there.. no im not.. still can see things with out being a member.. just cant talk to no one etc.. weve been talking the last few days.. not much but its summat... i do miss the laughs. banter and how we were.. just dont know what went wrong.. grandads funeral is in a few days time.. maybe wait till thats over things might be different? but im sure she knows what shes doing and if she wanted us the way we were then she would do.. i did her a poem few days ago.. been years since iv done a poem.. but i did one.. even if she will never see it or hear it.. when she goes out with mates work mates i leave her to it.. dont keep messagin her or anything.. still dont now.. little contact is still there which im greatful with that.. just miss the rest.. if we was close once im sure that can happen again? thanks