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Forgiveness ~ A Discussion

 
 
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 08:47 am
I find that the faster I can come to forgiving those who have harmed me, the faster my own healing arrives.
I find this works even if I have no contact with the person involved. I have no need of apology.
I find that whatever harm they did or tried to do really had nothing to do with me, thereby, making it much easier for me to find peace.

You?

What's works for you?

Joe(and do you use 'thereby' in sentences very often? heh)Nation
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Type: Question • Score: 30 • Views: 7,685 • Replies: 82

 
Lordyaswas
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 08:50 am
@Joe Nation,
I usually send them a doggy doo anonymously in the post. It works every time, unless there's a postal strike.
Joe Nation
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 08:57 am
@Lordyaswas,
Fresh or Frozen?
Is there a certain number of Kilos necessary?
How do you prevent them from taking revenge? Even without a return address, they'd know it was from you because what other twit would do such a thing?

This is not a strategy I would advise for anyone else, but if it works for you.... .

I miss the old traditions. In the past, people would just go to the other's house. Place a large paper bag filled with manure (fresh, not frozen) on the porch, set it afire, ring the bell and run.

Joe(ah, good times>)Nation
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 09:11 am
@Joe Nation,
I sort of believed the same on the first two, but especially appreciate number three. Thx for sharing that wisdom.
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 10:34 am
@cicerone imposter,
You're welcome, it's wisdom (if it is) which has been hard earned.

Hope your recovery continues, CI.

Joe(♥)Nation
cicerone imposter
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 10:45 am
@Joe Nation,
Yes, my health continues its road to recovery - without knowing by what percent at its peak. Today is one of the best - both physical and mental.
Hurrah!
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 11:00 am
@Joe Nation,
Joe Nation wrote:

I find that the faster I can come to forgiving those who have harmed me, the faster my own healing arrives.
I find this works even if I have no contact with the person involved. I have no need of apology.
I find that whatever harm they did or tried to do really had nothing to do with me, thereby, making it much easier for me to find peace.

You?

What's works for you?

Joe(and do you use 'thereby' in sentences very often? heh)Nation


I feel exactly the same sentiments! (It must be because both of us have gotten older.)
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 11:57 am
"I find this works even if I have no contact with the person involved. I have no need of apology." What if you see the SOB daily?

Really, though, I have had such fun seeing Karma work its wonderful ways. Works every time.

0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:00 pm
@Joe Nation,
I am not sure exactly what "forgiveness" means in practice.

Recently someone I used to be intimate with did something pretty nasty to me. I moved on, I don't know if this counts as forgiveness. I have no plans to dwell on this, or to get even, but this is not for my own sake... not for any ideal or principle. I just want to move on.

There is an old saying, "the best revenge is to live a good life". Is this forgiveness?
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:05 pm
@maxdancona,
Amounts to the same result.
0 Replies
 
Lustig Andrei
 
  5  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:06 pm
@Joe Nation,
Carrying a grudge is like shooting yourself in the head and expecting the other person to die.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:15 pm
@Joe Nation,
A good kick in the a$$ (towards the offender of course) always makes me feel better.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:19 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I am not sure exactly what "forgiveness" means in practice.

Recently someone I used to be intimate with did something pretty nasty to me. I moved on, I don't know if this counts as forgiveness. I have no plans to dwell on this, or to get even, but this is not for my own sake... not for any ideal or principle. I just want to move on.

There is an old saying, "the best revenge is to live a good life". Is this forgiveness?



If I were to be honest -- I think this might be what he means as you really don't have to say I forgive you --- just no grudges and letting go. To me it doesn't mean you reconcile necessarily .... I had a situation like that quite a while ago --- it was a situation where I actually had a legal standing to press charges. Which for a lawyer would have hurt her alot.

Instead I just walked away and decided I really did not need a friend like that and simply went on.

But still a good kick in the a$$ on the way would have felt good.
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 12:52 pm
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 01:01 pm
@Linkat,
Reconciliation is a good word to describe the different modes of forgiveness.

There are some people that have hurt me that I care enough about to continue the relationship and there are people that I have hurt that feel the same way. To continue the relationship after being hurt, as if the act had never happened, seems like the strongest form of forgiveness.

There are other people who have hurt me that I am done with. I am not going to look for vengeance, but I also have no interest in having any sort of meaningful relationship with them.

This second form of "forgiveness" can be the most cruel. There is an old Bolero that I like in which the singer is begging her former lover to hate her. As she points out, you can't hate someone you have never loved, and indifference is often far worse then hatred.
0 Replies
 
InfraBlue
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 01:12 pm
@Lustig Andrei,
Lustig Andrei wrote:
Carrying a grudge is like shooting yourself in the head and expecting the other person to die.

I elect this for Quote of the Day.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 02:01 pm
@Setanta,
How do you know when you have forgiven? I definitely agree in principle.

I'm really struggling with all this with a friend at the moment.
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 02:03 pm
@dlowan,
Uhm . . . why is your question addressed to me? I have no answer for you, this is Joe N's thesis.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Jan, 2015 02:10 pm
@dlowan,
I think with friends, it's easier to forgive - understanding that we're not perfect.
**** happens in all relationships.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jan, 2015 03:54 am
@Setanta,
Setanta wrote:

Uhm . . . why is your question addressed to me? I have no answer for you, this is Joe N's thesis.


It wasn't addressed to you. I just hit reply on the last post. If I had been addressing you I would have named you in the post.
 

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