working with the dying...

L.R.R.Hood wrote:

Hmmm, this thread is not really helping me. Its just bringing me down more.

As someone who has worked at a cemetery for almost seven years, I often come into contact with those who have just lost a loved one or persons or family members who have been diagnosed with a terminal condition and are coming to the cemetery to make their final arrangements.

Doing that job at first was difficult. But I soon learned from watching and listening to my co-workers that if I wanted to continue in that job, I had to learn how to separate myself from the grieving people I came into contact wih. I could feel empathy for them, but if I was going to make it in the business, I had to learn to not take every sad situation and loss personal. If you do, you will burn out quickly. You have to compartmentalize. At the end of the day, leave the grief and the sadness at the door. Appreciate life and the living more. Seeing so much death makes you realize how precious life is and how fleeting it can be.

What I learned to do was be a caring, strong presence in the lives of those grieving people. To give a touch on the arm, a smile that says I care, to be as helpful as I can be to the grieving family.

I think it has helped make me a stronger person when it comes to dealing with death. If you think of death as moving on to the next phase of life, it does seem to help. To me, all death is the same. Be it human or animal.

Acquiunk wrote:

A close friend of mine had to put down her cocker spaniel yesterday, her close and for a time here only friend for 11 years. It was a very upsetting experience. But the dog had pancreatic cancers and she had reached her end. You are experiencing many of these events and what you feel is simple a means of protecting yourself. You are not insensitive just reacting normally and appropriately.

Do you know if the dog was eating Pedigre brand dog food?

I'm of the impression that those of us, who witness death professionally on a daily basis, gradually come to view death as a passage from one stage of existence to another. Whether it be a dog ,cat or human, upon death the soul leaves the body and is reunited with it's Creator. This is a belief of mine, based on my religion and nothing else.

Was this dog food the dry or the canned?

I can't figure out if its the animals dying that bothers me, or the fact that I'm becoming desensitized that is bothering me. I'm starting to think its the latter.

Quote:

I can't figure out if its the animals dying that bothers me, or the fact that I'm becoming desensitized that is bothering me. I'm starting to think its the latter.

Becoming desensitized is your mind's way of coping with a situation that is traumatic for you. Could you imagine a medical examiner becoming emotionally distraught every time he had to work on a dead body? Or a doctor having to deal with a dying patient? Desensitization is adaptive. It enables a person to deal comfortably with situations that would normally be very upsetting.

The problem is when desensitization becomes callousness.

My vet told me that pedigre causes pancreatic problems in dogs.

I've been wondering how people deal with this kind of thing, either with animals OR people. Do you ever get used to it? Is it going to be easier when my own pets, or my own family members, die?
I'd love to hear from others who deal with this.

When I was pregnant I developed gestational diabetes. When I was about seven months pregnant, my obstatrician (who was from India) said after examining me that because I had diabetes my baby could die inside of me at any time. I burst into tears, my heart in my throat and scared to death for the child inside me. He looked at me matter of factly and told me to get dressed and left the room.

Before the day was through I had a new OB GYN doctor.