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Transfer Application Essay

 
 
Reply Mon 5 Jan, 2015 03:16 pm
Prompt:

Statement of Purpose (required for all applicants)

The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admission committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and the other application information cannot convey.

essay:

Nursing Applicants: Applicants interested in Nursing should submit Essay A with a focus on their goals of becoming a nurse and/or a career in nursing.

I have loved aerospace since I was a child. It was later that I realized that my love for aerospace would fuel a passion for Aerospace Engineering. It began when I was 6 watching the launch of space shuttle Discovery with crew STS 105. Fascinated by the mysteries of space and the extraordinary technology that allowed man to travel to space; this experience sparked a passion that would lead me to pursue understanding how this technology worked. This one experience decided my future. With every passing day my dream of designing the next Saturn V or develop the next great technology that would propel spacecraft farther into space, allowing man to understand more of this mysterious world beyond our own. I believe that becoming an Aerospace Engineer would be the best way to fulfill that dream.
My strength in math and physics will allow me to be an excellent Aerospace Engineering student. As of the last couple years, I have become increasingly interested in computer science; this would make me an unique candidate amongst other Aerospace Engineering students. It has allowed me to develop my problem solving skills and logical thinking. I’m hoping to pursue and minor in computer science and math, if that is at all possible to pursue. I think computer science is a great minor to have when majoring in Aerospace Engineering because it allows for an engineer to understand the interaction of the computer systems and the physical world.
I initially intended to go to the University of North Texas to begin earning a Bachelors of Science in Mechanical Engineering and pursue a Masters of Science in Aerospace Engineering at a graduate school. However, over the last year and half I realized it would be better to go to a better engineering school that offers degree that I am interested in earning. Don’t get me wrong…UNT is a great school that offers a great education in engineering and other fields. Nevertheless, I feel that The University of Texas, Austin would over all be a better fit more as a student and as a person.
At the moment, I am interested in Propulsion and Combustion Systems, Flight Systems and Space systems. From my knowledge of rockets and space travel the next hurdle is making travelling to space cheaper and more assessable to consumers. Both of these are being researched and tested on by SpaceX and Virgin, respectively. SpaceX has the Falcon 9R which is a completely reusable rocket fuselage and booster, which was tested in December on a full scale, launch. Virgin has the Virgin Galactic spacecraft, which will allow for people to have the feel of being in space at low earth orbit. Both companies are pioneers in their respected industries.
My long term goals are to continue my education in a Graduate school for Aerospace Engineering, obtaining a Masters of Science in Aerospace Engineering and to make it into a PhD program that offers courses in rocket propulsion and flight systems. Giving me the experience and knowledge needed to be the best engineer I can. Ultimately, my career goal is to apply my knowledge and experience at SpaceX or NASA, working on new technologies that will advance humanity into the next era of space flight.
Being a leader in research, The University of Texas, Austin will be a great place for me to excel. It will provide the most opportunity to an individual, allowing them to explore who they are and the world around them. I believe I can help the school in research, with dedication and passion for the field or Aerospace Engineering.
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Andrew-B
 
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Reply Mon 5 Jan, 2015 03:34 pm
@Andrew-B,
I made a mistake when posting, the line below "essay:" is meant to be above it.
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Andrew-B
 
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Reply Mon 5 Jan, 2015 05:20 pm
@Andrew-B,
I would like some of your input and what you would change.
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Jan, 2015 08:40 pm
@Andrew-B,
Try to reword it to eliminate about a third of the instances where "I" "my" and "me" are over used. I counted at least 33 of them in those 5 paragraphs.

Then do the same for the words "that" and "the."

You also have a few fragmented sentences that could use attention.


Have you tried reading this aloud? Maybe record it with your cell phone and listen to the playback a few times. Doing so will give you a chance to fix any weaknesses you hear in it. Maybe give it to a friend to read and record for you. Hearing it in another voice gives a different perspective to help with the editing.
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