It is a battle every day with.I am lucky to tried loads of vary drugs only a bit in the past.
I've given up smoking and I did start again , given up ....
After 1 year I was not longing anymore about smoking , but it is sometimes in my mind. Mostly on bad days. It is a hussle really.
The longer you take substances the more you have to resist .My post doesn't comfort your issue , I know that . There won' t be a solving idea . The more time passes the more you get used to cope and thoughts come & go.
But it haunted one's to rest of life more or less.
A couple of friends of mine took very much drugs and nobody of them reached age of 50.
Cocaine is less harmful than heroin for example. Any less it is not such harmless.
Say every day- no I don't. The only chance.