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More College Essay Advice Please!

 
 
sh221b
 
Mon 27 Oct, 2014 06:48 pm
Here's the prompt: What matters to you, and why?

And here's the essay:
“And they lived happily ever after.” I have always found it interesting that this sentence is the conventional ending to many children’s stories. Is it ever possible to be happy for such a long duration of time? This thought often arose in my mind whenever I heard this phrase, and I wondered whether it was possible to enjoy perpetual happiness.
When I was seven years old, my mother passed away in a horrible car accident. Tragic, yes, but at the time, I was much too young to understand the gravity of the situation. As I grew older, I was able to reflect back on the occurrence with more thought. This was obviously a very grievous incident, and caused much sadness for both myself and my family, but I felt that there much be some way to overcome it. I found the solution to my problem in a very simple yet ancient idea - the idea that everything is temporary, and must eventually go. This idea helped me to realize that everyone will go one day, and allowed me to push past the boundaries that grief had drawn around me.
Life is very precious, and if one does not completely enjoy it, it will slowly waste by, and then it will be too late. What matters to me most in life is life itself, and the opportunities that it provides. Everything is temporary, and I find it very important to live life to the fullest, and savor every bit of it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
 
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Mon 27 Oct, 2014 07:20 pm
You can start with "Once upon a time...."
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Mon 27 Oct, 2014 07:32 pm
@sh221b,
I'd connect temporariness better to the thesis statement. As it currently stands, the connection is kinda there, but it's between fiction and reality, which is a tad jarring. Consider an example or 2 from real life where people may have tried to convince you that happily ever after is the case.
0 Replies
 
johnhartman
 
  0  
Fri 25 Mar, 2016 03:34 am
@sh221b,
the topic of the essay is so personal. My advice is to think about you feelings and try to write it down. That's how it work!
0 Replies
 
Ethan M
 
  1  
Mon 28 Mar, 2016 06:13 am
@sh221b,
Your introduction line about happily ever after doesn't gel with the rest of your essay. By reading your essay, I felt that valuing life and living in the present matters most to you ( which is great!). But somehow your intro about happily ever after doesn't seem to fit in with the main message of your essay. I suggest you open your essay on the lines of life being unpredictable and our time on earth being temporary. All the best with your essay!
0 Replies
 
collmissionstats
 
  0  
Wed 9 Nov, 2016 04:23 am
Check the topic first, count the word limit and if possible explain with good examples.
0 Replies
 
coluber2001
 
  1  
Wed 9 Nov, 2016 11:42 am
I like it!
0 Replies
 
 

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