help me with me college essay so far.

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College Essay - Rough Draft

Growing up, I have had many places where I felt comfortable at, but none of those places make me feel as happy as I do when I am in my high school choir room. When I first sang in the choir room I knew automatically that I was meant to be there, and that I was meant to sing there. It’s an amazing feeling when I sing in that room, a feeling that is so hard to describe. Every problem or issue in my life seems to fade away as I feel so content being there.

Since I was kid, I have always had this strong passion for singing for as long as I can remember. Singing is one of my strong characteristics and anyone who knows me knows that. I have been in numerous talents shows and have been in choir my whole life. Singing is apart of me, and I think that is why the choir room has such a strong effect on me. Although I was always afraid to sing in front a crowd, I always pushed myself to never give up! Conquering my fear of stage fright was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Sill today I work on getting better.

In middle school I always knew that I was so much different than other students in my grade level. I was much slower on tests and I was always afraid of speaking out in class. Later on in high school I discovered I had extreme anxiety that interfered with my school work and my everyday life. I was then put on medicine, that I currently take now, to help with my anxiety. I did not like being put on medication. I felt as if I wasn’t able to be “me” because it felt like I was wearing a mask that changed my personality in order to “help” me be better than who I was before. The only time I didn’t feel like that was when I was singing in the choir room. Every horrible feeling or any weight on my shoulders, suddenly drifted off of me once I stepped into the room to sing. For once I wasn’t thinking about my medication or think about how different I was because I was simply content where I was, and where I am now.

The music room is the one place where I can be myself. A place where my mask isn’t on and my true self comes out. I no longer feel any problem or pain. It’s like I’m tuning in the music and turning off the world. The choir room has helped me through so much. It reminds me to stay positive as it makes me feel at peace.

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@aishahusain,

A lot of this essay is padded. Are you trying to get to a particular word count? Because, for example, this is your sentence:

Code:Singing is one of my strong characteristics and anyone who knows me knows that.

But it really should be edited down to be more like this:

Code:Singing is one of my strongest talents.

If you need to add words and hit a word count minimum, do so with meaningful content, such as providing an example. Have you sung in concerts? Entertained the elderly? Consider those experiences, and how singing in the choir was something you enjoyed. Is it preparing you for anything? Have you soloed? Are you learning poise and confidence in front of an audience?

As for the grammar, etc., there are some small issues, e. g.

Code:Growing up, I have had many places where I felt comfortable at,

should be

Code:Growing up, I have been comfortable in many places,

E. g. ditch the unnecessary at and reword the sentence as you don't own those places.

The essay is mostly good. It reads pretty well although I would suggest giving it a second example and keep that in chronological order with the paragraph about middle school.

Good luck with getting into college! Smile

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@aishahusain,

Mostly agree with jespah - and always double check spelling - spell check can kill you....

Quote:

Sill today I work on getting better.

I think you mean Still instead of Sill.

Another suggestion when writing - try not to use contractions - spell them out for example, wasn't use was not.

I would avoid the use of like - you use it alot and it is overused word. You can use where appropriate but in many spots a better word should be used.

Use the same verb tense -

Quote:

wasn’t thinking about my medication or think

thinking and think two difference tenses.

Like jespah said the overall essay sounds good - just be careful with grammar, spelling (believe me I am a horrible speller), tenses, run on sentences -- I will not re-write sentences for you as this is your essay and should read in your voice, but some of the sentences could be shortened and made clearer and easier to read. (unlike my own that I have written above, but I am not writing for a college entrance).

Good luck in your search and I do like the story within your essay - very heartfelt.

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help me with me college essay so far.

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