Place the thumb and forefinger of your free hand on the zip handle. Then wait until the giant spider with the big furry legs runs straight at the camera and yank.
Yank. Septic Tank. Seppo. The evolution through rhyming slang of the Australian term for an American. I think it's pretty derogatory, even more so if you were passionate about being from the Confederacy.
Confederacy colours of blue and grey seem to be regarded as more tasteful than those of the opposition. Better than camouflage olive with a khaki trim, though.
Though many are called, few are chosen. Misquotations are a speciality of mine, as are malapropisms.
Malapropisms are a huge source of amusement. My mother was quite a good Mrs Malaprop, coming up with - when faced with two rather undesirable alternatives: 'It's Jobson's lot'.
Lot had a wife, sometimes known as Edith , who was turned into a pillar of salt for impudence. As a result it was said that he committed incest with both his daughters.
Daughters of President Bush had an unhappy experience during a visit to Buenos Aires, Argentina this week. Despite the presence of Secret Service agent and local police, on of them had her purse stolen.
Stolen kisses are the best. I remember those at the garden party when I was showing Geoffrey's young wife my etchings during the tug-of-war in which he was Blue team anchor.
Anchor Mills, one of the great (now sadly defunct) textile companies in Paisley, had a huge building on the bank of the River Cart at Lonend. Many ladies, even in far-flung lands across the Empire, will remember the logo of the anchor and chain which adorned the gaily-coloured reels of thread in their sewing baskets.
Baskets are much in evidence on Harvest Festival days. They have dimpled maidens carry them full of sweet juicy apples with the organ swelling in the background.
Background, or desktop picture, is the image or colour displayed on a website or computer desktop behind the visible content. Lots of people use freely available wall papers for this purpose.
Purpose is what a lot of our youth today seem to lack. They hang about street corners in their hoodies, sniffing glue and terrorising old ladies.
Ladies of the Night is a book that is set in Toronto. With women's loves and lives as their focus, the stories contain dramatic twists and turns.
Turns and sharing contribute to important discipline for small children. They get them used to the idea of deferred gratification and a mistaken but laudable belief that life is fair.
Fair is the second word of the official Australian National anthem, "Australia Fair". The latter replaced the unofficial version of "Waltzing Matilda" but will never be as popular.
Popular myth has it that it's unlucky to remove Christmas decorations until January 6th, but apparently this is a modern superstition. Herrick speaks of keepiing green boughs until the spring, to encourage the progress of the seasons.
Season's Greetings, albeit belated ones, to all my friends. Hey check my new signature line, for one day only folks, it's about Hogmanay.
Nay, we English are not about to celebrate those pagan uisquebaugh-laden festivities. A nice, ordinary, happy New Year!
Year of the pig is 2007 in China. This follows 2006 as year of the dog.
