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False accusation in 4th grade

 
 
Reply Wed 1 Oct, 2014 09:47 pm
Hi, my daughter is 9 yrs old & in 4th grade. She is a smart kid & is in the
Gifted program. She is very friendly but a little bit shy. Her class was shuffled last year & her best friends are not in her class this year. But she managed to make 3 friends. The kids are allowed to take their iPads etc to school on Fri & one of the boys in her desk had his. One of the kids had taken it & put it back under my daughter'a chair. But this boy for upset & accused her of stealing his iPad. My daughter told him she hadn't even known he had an iPad & that she would never take somebody else's stuff. The issue was closed. After this, random kids come & accuse her of stealing stuff like pencils etc. She was understandably upset but is quite scared to go tell the teacher as she didn't want to the snitch. She is also afraid to speak up for herself other than refusing their allegations since she is worried over hurting their feelings. Do I take it up with the teacher to keep a closer eye on her or let her deal with this?
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 04:34 am
@Angeline15,
Do whatever your daughter wants.





David
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 05:10 am
@Angeline15,
If you are concerned at all about anything going on in the classroom I would suggest speaking with the teacher. Be kind and fair -- simply tell her you notice this going on and what are her thoughts on handling it. Teachers are used to dealing with this sort of thing and may be in the best position possible to know the best way of dealing with it as a whole.

I would let your daughter know that you are going to speak with the teacher about it -- not to get any particular child in trouble, but to help resolve it before it esculates into something much larger. As long as you are respectful and thoughtful to the teacher she should welcome it. It may actually help her out before it could become a larger problem and take away from the learning in the classroom.
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 06:31 am
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:
I would let your daughter know that you are going to speak with the teacher about it
She probably shoud get her daughter's permission before approaching her teacher.





David
Miller
 
  0  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 09:49 am
QUOTE: She was understandably upset but is quite scared to go tell the teacher as she didn't want to the snitch. She is also afraid to speak up for herself other than refusing their allegations since she is worried over hurting their feelings

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The little girl is full of compassion for the kids who're trying to intimidate her. I think the parent should inform the teacher about what the kids are doing. The parent may want to tell the child that she' going to talk to the teacher, but the parent should talk to the teacher no matter how the little girl reacts to this.

The kids in her class sound like a bunch of bullies and as such, they need to be cut down to size, by an adult ( teacher, parent, etc). As a parent of that little girl, I'd make it a point to first talk to the teacher and then I'd make arrangements to talk to the class.

The bullies need to be stopped. I'd also have a letter sent to all the kids parents telling them about the evils of bullying and how it easily leads to aggression, hurt feelings and too often, violence.

If the child knows who put the ipad under the chair, that kid should be made to stand up in class and and forced to make a little confession. That clears the air and should settle all the kids down.

If nothing else works, I as the parent, would have a police man/women come to the class and outline for the kids why bullying is a criminal offense, and ask them "Would you like to spend the rest of your young years of life in jail?

That should cool every one down, especially if the school , has on premises, a police man/woman.

Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 10:42 am
@OmSigDAVID,
She should get her buy in --- sometimes a parent has to make a decision that is best for their child even if their child does not agree.

I understand you will not agree as from things you have posted previously, but I think it is because you were an exceptional child - much more independent and self confident than an average child.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 10:46 am
@Miller,
I have two children - one a teen and one a tween - but when younger I did have an issue with a slight bullying issue. When I told my daughter I was going to speak with the principal (as it happened in their afterschool program), my daughter did not seem to want me to on the surface, but I could tell she was relieved.

When I told her it was a minor issue and that I wanted to nip it before it became a bigger issue - she promptly told me - it is not a minor issue and I will take care of it. A good teacher/administrator will handle it and be a stop to it. My situation she certainly did and we had no further issues.

Better to bring it up now before it spirals out of control. Your daughter will thank you later for it.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 11:08 am
@Miller,
I think your post is well reasoned & I agree with it,
except for forcing a confession from anyone (no jurisdiction for that)
and except for threatening years of jail without a trial.
I m pretty sure that 9 year olds know better than that. I did.

I doubt that the police woud do that.





David
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 11:15 am
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:
She should get her buy in --- sometimes a parent has to make a decision
that is best for their child even if their child does not agree.

I understand you will not agree as from things you have posted previously,
but I think it is because you were an exceptional child - much more independent and self confident than an average child.
That 's a nice compliment. Thanx.
It is un-clear whether the mother was informed on a CONFIDENTIAL basis or not.
If so, then divulging that information to the teacher
might be deemed a breach of confidence,
with negative enduring effects.

How many times will the 9 year old trust
a person who has betrayed her trust ???
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 11:17 am
This is either "group bullying" or there is merit to the accusations.

Ask your daughter if it would be OK to bring the teacher's opinion in on this issue. It can be a private conference intended to help her deal with all that is going on in the classroom.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 02:29 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
OmSigDAVID wrote:

Linkat wrote:
She should get her buy in --- sometimes a parent has to make a decision
that is best for their child even if their child does not agree.

I understand you will not agree as from things you have posted previously,
but I think it is because you were an exceptional child - much more independent and self confident than an average child.
That 's a nice compliment. Thanx.
It is un-clear whether the mother was informed on a CONFIDENTIAL basis or not.
If so, then divulging that information to the teacher
might be deemed a breach of confidence,
with negative enduring effects.

How many times will the 9 year old trust
a person who has betrayed her trust ???


That is why the mom should explain to her that she intends to speak with her teacher and to try to get her buy in. If mom is forth right and explains the reasonings even if the child does not agree it should not break the trust. Also with any sort of child confessing to a parent -- there should be an understanding (that should be clear hopefully at this point) that you will not "tell"unless it is a dangerous situtaion for some one --- ie a friend of the child talking about suicide and was promised not to tell anyone ---

In other words you need to discuss things with children that you will keep their secrets or keep their conversation in confidence if some one is not in danger. This could be a dangerous situation so it needs to be dealt with.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Oct, 2014 04:41 pm
@Linkat,
Your counter-argument related to suicide was deft, adroit, & cogent.

JUDGMENT: for Linkat.





David
0 Replies
 
 

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