? living in confusion ?

I have many ...problems....
very low self esteem , messed up inside, self destruction, over-analyzing EVERYTHING
Now. i have never ever had any major problems like losses of loved one or agression etc. But, i'm so vunreble inside i feel something must've gone very wrong in my youth- i am 15 , and have swinging moods, especially in the holidays, i have been depressed, jealous of everyone, because i keep thinking i will be happy if i ever, somehow , become extremely talented or famous, which i know is weak.I feel alone, and yes i know "when i was your age i felt very uncomfortable in my skin too blabalabala" but with it's been to the point of,crying every night,feeling sad and depressed for nothing, maybe also because of my extreme obsession to competivness. I'm so much better than i used to be, partly because i went to see a psychologist, but sometimes can feel so down to the point of wanting to commit suicide. Also,recently, i'm beginning to become overly paranoid, and for absolutely no reason, i hate and despise my parents , when they are constantly trying to help me.
on nights like this, i feel so bad i think i probably have a mental illness.
but honestly, i think the truth is i'm just weak; very very weak.